To think it’s socially acceptable in Britain to shout at children?

I'm not sure it's practical for that subject to be taught in schools because for one thing families are different and what would work for one wouldn't necessarily work for another and the families would see it as being told what to do because too many British are very defensive unfortunately, that is to do with the culture and their own upbringing!!
I go abroad quite often mainly to Europe but also Asia and quite honestly can say that I never see the parents in Portugal or Germany or other places shouting at their children in the same way that it happens in Britain.
Portugal and Germany have a very much calmer attitude with their children and the children respond to that naturally.
Parents there do not shout and rather take the time to explain in a calm way and the kids, even a small ones, respond very well to that.
Here, parents shout at the children for no reason, if they go walking 2 foot away from them in a very safe place like a supermarket customer service counter they will yell at them for that!! Sometimes. yell at them for nothing, I think there's really something wrong with some of the so-called adults in this country and as for the ones on their phones all the time, no wonder their kids are screaming for attention, their phone doesn't need it!!

Just because posts are sometimes resurrected doesn't mean it's the done thing. If you read the end of them, most people will be shouting "Zombie thread" as it isn't the culture of mumsnet to resurrect old threads. People don't like it.
No point in trying to compare Mumsnet to Bounty either as they work totally differently.

Er ok, I've seen loads of threads resurrected before, it's not a new thing either, bounty site had them all the time...who are you to tell me otherwise? Have a nice day.🤔

Because its not the done thing at all on mumsnet. People really don't like it.
Make your own post, you will get plenty on response on this topic.

"My 17-year-old has never ever swore at me and we’ve never had a shouty argument. "

Well mine has. I was most upset by it.

Battling with this at the moment. I can certain my sister is abusive to her kids.

I don’t ever need to shout at mine. Can’t believe how negative her interactions are with her children who are lovely.

mom her defence she is a stressed single mother but her children are obliging types
and aged 10&12 so not the handful that younger kids can be

YABU. I used to try not to raise my voice. But sometimes they would just drive me mad. I'd have asked them again and again. And then I'd be: just do it please! Op didn't see all the parenting that led up to what she saw.

Google made me do it

I wasn't searching old posts, I was looking for something similar, and this thread came up on Google, people resurrect old posts all the time, so what .

Why did you resurrect a 3 year old thread to say this?
How did you even find it?

Why are you searching out old posts just to get offended?

My neighbour screams and swears a lot at her children. She's even closed windows before ranting, thinking she can't be heard. Though it's all 'love you' when they're outdoors or in front of people.

I don't ever hear much other shouting in public other than those abusive neighbours though.

Oh bore off you snowflake, we can't all be as perfect as you can we.. sometimes shouting works if it's a last resort....also it has sod all to do with you or anyone else how someone parents.

@SquareAsABlock @Recrim

That was not a comment praising the middle classes! Obviously my tone was unclear.

I've noticed so much more shouting at children in the 15 years I've spent on council estates and surrounding areas than in the 15 years I've spent in leafy middle class areas.

I don't think the parenting of one class is generally likely to be better or worse than the parenting of any other class. But privacy and reserve are particularly characteristic of the middle classes. So I concluded that they probably simply save the yelling till they get home.

I've taught early years for almost 15 years and I can figure out the range of parenting styles within a couple of days with each new class.
The biggest problem by a country mile is low expectations from parents in terms of communication. A large proportion of young children theses days are not capable of listening effectively (SEN excepted). There is no eye contact when you speak to them, because they've never been expected to listen and respond appropriately when they are spoken to.
Many cannot follow basic instructions because they have such low expectations put on them at home. Mummy does EVERYTHING for them.
By Christmas every single child in my class knows my expectation to look at my face when I'm speaking to them. Their ability to respond to and carry out instructions sky rockets. Spoken words are such a small part of communication and we are in danger of raising a generation of ignorant young people with poor communication skills if this isn't addressed at home as well as at school.

Problem is that no-one now knows how to discipline effectively.

I’ve never smacked DD and rarely raise my voice but there are times when she will speak to me in a very rude and entitled way and will just disobey or carry on what she is doing as she has never feared me.

When DH and I were children nearly everyone got smacked at least occasionally. It certainly focussed our minds on our behaviour at the time, and there were clear lines that we didn’t cross.

I don’t and will not smack DD, because it is. not socially acceptable as it was 25 years ago, but I do worry that children now do not have the same boundaries and there is sweet-FA that parents can do about it.

And “setting the right example” doesn’t work as of my friends it’s the gentlest parents who have the most obnoxious, aggressive and entitled kids.

I shout at them sometimes. If they do not do what they are told. As PP have said - adults don’t tend to do that and if they do, I’m not responsible for them. If the adults break something in a shop then they pay for it, not my problem.

I would avoid taking kids to shops with breakables but sometimes it is the most efficient way to get stuff done.

Well yes, no shit Sherlock. Nobody's saying shouting at your kids constantly is a great idea. We all lose our shit occasionally even if we try not to, though. And that's not the end of the world. OP called parents who shout (so that's be pretty much all of them) disgusting, no wonder people got defensive!

Well there is your answer OP. A lot of excuses and justifications seems to be the theme. I try not to shout at my kids. Don't always succeed. Nobody likes to be shouted at really do they.

I'd go so far as to say that never shouting at your kids is as bad as always shouting at them. Adults are human and it is good for kids to know that their parents have their limits just like everyone else. And yes, someone who never ever loses their cool is likely to vent their negative feelings in more damaging ways. There's a woman I used to see in the park who never seemed to shout, but the cold venom in her voice when she told her kids off gave me the creeps. It was hateful. Kids aren't stupid, they know if a parent loves them, regardless of shoutiness or otherwise.

Problem is you're damned either way. My kids are all dawdly dreamers and despite 100s of reminders often forget to move out of the way for oncoming passers-by. I often get tuts and annoyed comments so I've got hypersensitive about it. But then the other day I sharply shifted my 6yo out of the way of somebody on the way to school and hissed 'move will you' to the other two (I was tired and stressed) and got an earful for being an unfit mother to my kids!

More generally, I am really not particularly shouty, but when I've asked a child nicely to do something six times in a row to no avail and we need to be at school in 15 minutes, then im not a saint, I may well raise my voice. I don't tend to have the same issue with DH refusing to put his shoes on or suchlike so the comparison doesn't really stand!!!

I’ve been fighting a temper I thought I long since had handle on since having my twins and they’re only just 2yo - DD is extremely cheeky and amazing but sometimes her sense of humour, such as pouring her breakfast all over me as she did 15 minutes ago and then complaining that she is hungry now, makes me internally scream, but I wouldn’t shout in the way you have described @backdoormadness

I think a lot of posters have become defensive, because I can’t think of any parent I’ve met that hasn’t lost their self control sometimes and snapped, which can come across as ‘shouting’ by what I understand, as in a raised voice/harsh tone but usually not drawn out in a tirade, just a loud statement of what needs to be done and I see no issue with this, my Grandparents did the same and worse when I was a child.

But I think the shouting you’re referring to (and correct me if I’m wrong) usually includes some real contempt for the child and it makes me sad too. There’s a difference to, let’s say, my neighbours shouting at their son at the top of their lungs when the boy is about to cycle out of the cul de sac onto the main road (mostly shouting so he hears them, he’s young and knows not to go that far but he’s at an age where he pushes his luck a lot!) - and a parent that will corner and verbally bully a small child.

But it’s all shades of grey, you only know what you glean based on the small window you get into another’s life, but equally, it doesn’t have to sit well with those who witness it.

This week I had to lift my DS who has speech delay and carry him superman style out of the toddler play group whilst my Mum sat in to keep an eye on my DD. He was having an almighty meltdown and pushed another toddler over - he is struggling with socialising - when I saw it I used my ‘mum voice’ to stop him in his tracks and then he got upset so I had to carry him away to a quiet place. In doing so I could comfort him whilst trying to get through to him (age appropriately) why it was wrong that he’d lashed out at another child.

I’m sure no end of people would have caught a glimpse of various parts of this small event as the play group is in a busy leisure centre, but none would have seen the entirety. Depending on which bit they saw they might judge me differently, depending on their own life experience they might see aggression where there is none, so with others I generally lean towards trying not to judge.

I try and ensure it’s the behaviour I’m criticising, not the child. One of mine decided to empty my handbag and throw tampons across the room to his friend when I was in a PTA meeting. I took him outside into the hall and absolutely bollocked him (he was 8) and then sat back down and felt shit, close to tears. One of the other mums said she had thought I’d handled it really well because she had heard me saying how disappointed I felt, and how I knew he was capable of much better choices. It was such a relief to hear what I thought was my shitty parenting, being validated. I’d got into the rut of thinking “if I had been a better mother then he wouldn’t be such a pest sometimes” when actually, he really WAS being a pest, and it’s ok to pull him up and tell him how it affected me and how he could do better.

I try and remember we are all just doing our best and mostly winging it anyway.

I've shouted and apologised on occassion for doing so but not all the time.

I shouted in the car when dc thought it funny to undo their car seat despite being old enough to understand why not too. Freaked me out on the motorway.

I've shouted after the 10th time of put your shoes on when dc couldn't be bothered and i was too poorly to bend and do it.

I've raised my voice to full name my dc when they've been misbehaving, the full name gets their attention.

The only time i felt awful shouting was when dc hurt me mid panic attack. The other times i felt frustrated and guilty.