Was I rude? To have told her to stop hinting and just ask me directly....

My god she's so childish I don't blame you! they make these type of characters on comedy shows on purpose to show you the recipient tearing their hair out, and eventually snapping.

My SEVEN year old used to do this on purpose - staring at my biscuit/orange/slice of bread after just eating a huge plate full - "I'm soooooo hungry" in a whining voice, glaring at the food. I began by asking him to stop and go and amuse himself elsewhere, and then snapped at him a couple of times. He catches himself before he does it now and asks politely instead - to which he might get a piece of orange.

De Hop where are you getting 'holy show' and 'disgrace' and 'unprofessional' from? You seem to have, well let's call it a lively imagination and a high appetite for drama. What fun you must be for your colleagues too.

I hate this my mum does it the time then acts wounded when I get cross.
I don’t like being manipulated, if you want something ask.
It’s petty but I’ve taken to pretending I don’t understand my mums hints because otherwise I don’t think she’d ever stop.

She sounds extremely childish. Whinging to another colleague that you 'had a go at her' and that colleague talking to you. All. Dry passive aggressive. Are you all very young?

My Dad recently polished my silver cream jug for me. I then said "It's a shame the teapot isn't as shiny now. I can just hide it under a teacosy though". He said, "If you want me to clean the teapot, why don't you just ask me to clean the teapot instead of trying to manipulate me into it? I'll gladly do it for you". That told me. So I asked him, and he cleaned it, and I learned that people who want to do me a favour would rather be asked outright than be hinted at.

If you want to help, insist that she asks you. If you don't want to help, then don't give in to the hints.

Also, you should apologise for being snappy but if I were you I'd explain why - ie because hinting is manipulative, and you regard her as a friend and therefore would like her to do you the courtesy of being upfront with you. On the way home this evening in the car is the perfect time for such a conversation to take place.

Love hinters personally. I don't have to go through the pain of declining. One of my friends is a major hinter, I've declined loads of lifts, babysitting and money loans due to her never ending hints and lack of actual requests. Works for me.

I don't think that a 43 minute walk is particularly unreasonable for a fit adult.

Hate professional hinters, they piss me right off.

YANBU. How annoying! I can't stand hinting.

I also find hinting very irritating. But by responding to the hinter you give them what they want and they learn it works. So ignore the hints - don't give her your lunch (who looks at other people's lunch anyway!) and don't offer lifts just because she's got a hang dog expression. I'd be distancing and not responding to her hints at all. If you get really sick of it and she persists then block her so she stops. She's looking at your Jaffa cakes? Respond "Yeah only 99p in Aldi" or whatever. She wants a lift "Sorry, I'm in the other direction tonight". Hinters often turn into CFs in my view.

@ChristmasCroissant yes it is a request but it is a request put in a way that is less confrontational for both parties. It is rude to keep hinting over and over but doing it once is a way to ask for a favour if you want to give the other person a way to say no without coming across as confrontanial or putting them in a position where they feel like they need to say yes. Maybe it is my own inability to say no to a direct request I feel like it is fairer on the other person. It is rude to hint over and over though

Yeah I would not like someone to ask, directly or indirectly, for any of my lunch at work. I'd be angry at anyone who did so and I would still feel manipulated because it would put me in the awkward position of having to say no because of their poor social skills - or saying yes which would be worse. Also I'd expect an adult to suck up having to get the bus for one day tbh unless I was going exactly the route they lived on or we were close enough for me to have offered as soon as she mentioned the car not starting.

She is greedy and entitled op and very annoying. I would go along with other posters in that say sorry for snapping but wish she would just ask in future. However, it has exposed another side to her. You have been kind giving her your lunch (does she share) and giving lifts and then she still plays the injured party to other colleagues. Time to keep your distance.

Or you could try sighing and saying you are short of cash because you have no maintenance this month and looking at her purse with longing eyes. No, of course you wouldn't.

I suppose there have been occasions when I've thought that hinting is preferable as the person can ignore it.

But ask directly & they might not say no even if they want to.

By ignoring it? Or hinting at a no?

But good to see that you recognise a hint as a request, redapple! It's still a request.

Don't feel bad about snapping. Even the most patient of people are granted their bad days.

I agree with you. It's so much easier when people are straight to the point and just ask rather than hinting.
It drives me round the bend too!

"I wasn't being manipulative. "

You weren't trying to be manipulative but you still end up being manipulative when you do that kind of thing.

I think it's pretty cheeky to ask for a biscuit or a lift unless you're actually close anyway, that's why it comes off so badly to me in the first place.

@ChristmasCroissant some people feel as uncomfortable saying no. This gives the asker a way to offer a chance to reject the request without saying no

If I do hint it is because I do feel bad for needing to aak a favour so want to be able to give the other person a away out of doing me that favour without feeling the pressure to say yes etc.

That was me when I was younger. I thought they asking someone for something would make them feel they had to say yes but would inwardly resent it. So I hinted thinking that it gave them an out. It took me a long time to realise that I was overthinking it due to my own lack of confidence. I wasn't being manipulative. I was trying to be thoughtful and not put someone on the spot.

Of course now I know it's really annoying. But I do think some people are being unnecessarily harsh about the motives of those who hint.

For me I think that sometimes something feels too big an ask, so hinting & then getting an offer feels less demanding?

That's very manipulative though! Too big to ask for but not too big to hint for?! What's the difference - you know you'll look bad if you ask?

For me I think that sometimes something feels too big an ask, so hinting & then getting an offer feels less demanding?

But it would be just the one hint!

I think apologising for snapping in front of others is more than enough.

Don’t apologise just leave it. Serves her right. Hinting is foul.

One of my sisters does this- it's manipulation so that you offer, which means she hasn't asked for a favour and therefore doesn't have to return it.

When I've snapped a response I will later apologise for the delivery of what I said but that the message still stands.
You don't need to backtrack or justify why you snapped.