Was I rude? To have told her to stop hinting and just ask me directly....

@messolini9 I can’t belive you called me out on a board full of strangers! Wait now while I get my friend to text you to tell you how awful you are 😂

"Come lunch break she is strongly hinting that she wants a lift home, saying she doesn't know if she has enough money for the bus fare, with pointed glances at me, going on google maps and calculating that it would take her 43 minutes to walk back, etc. Looking at me the entire time. With sad dog eyes and everything."

"Oh dear, that does sound rubbish, it's cold too! Is there someone you could ask for a lift?"

Not placemarking at all 🤔

@HanginWithMyGnomies, have you learned NOTHING from this thread?
You have simply no need to embarrass yourself doing your OWN placemarking. The very idea! All you need do is whinge a little that you don't know how to do it, & presto! eventually someone kind will take the task on for you.

Hinters are horrible. I think it’s really rude.

If you have apologised to her, fair enough but if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be apologising to her. Or perhaps, apologise for being loud in the staff room when you spoke to her yesterday but not for what you said.
She sounds helpless.
She doesn't have enough money for bus fare? She has to find some herself. She has to be able to stand on her own two feet.
She is hungry after lunch? She has to bring in more lunch for herself.

If you decide to offer her a biscuit then it shouldn't be seen to be topping up her lunch but as an afternoon treat.
If you decide to offer her a lift it should be seen as a nice to receive and not a de-facto method of transport to/from work for her.

I'm 100% behind what @messolini9 posted where they stated "Frankly, I'm amazed the whole staffroom didn't rise up in grateful applause at OP's well-worded 'snapping'."

This person would never have been a friend because I find hinting manipulative, immature, PA bullshit and can't abide it. You give her parts of your lunch, FFS!

You are a people pleaser.

And I agree 100% with this: 'She's not a friend, she's a blagger'.

I'd start cutting her a wider berth and ignoring all her fucking hints. She needs to grow the fuck up.

Not placemarking at all 🤔

Or you could try sighing and saying you are short of cash because you have no maintenance this month and looking at her purse with longing eyes. No, of course you wouldn't.

@ElsieMc.

PS Elsie I am hard of thinking. I WISH I had someone who would do the hard bits of Braining for me. If only I had a nice message in my inbox every day, giving me pithy bon mots & instructional texts for the day so I wouldn't have to Do Thinking for 43 painful minutes every single day even though I am not very good at Thinking so other people should do it for me. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter. I expect I'll manage. It just means I'll have to have a headache tablet to help me with the Brainwork. Oh no! I haven't got any headache tablets. I wish I had a headache tablet. If only the headache tablet shop wasn't so far away, or someone Clever had a tablet in her bag. Still, I expect it's a lot of trouble to walk all the way to the bag 5 feet away on that chair, so I mustn't be a bother about it. Oh my head really, really, hurts now. If ONLY I knew what to do about it!

Mmm.. I really like Jaffa cakes 🥺

But I do think some people are being unnecessarily harsh about the motives of those who hint.

There's hinting - & there's drooling like a sad-eyed labrador over somebody else's lunch for 2 years. Plus all the emotional blackmail, blagging, & 'poor little me' statements - from a grown woman in the workplace, FFS.

Frankly, I'm amazed the whole staffroom didn't rise up in grateful applause at OP's well-worded 'snapping'.

You could have been the bigger person and just offered a lift OP.
OP did. There is nothing wrong with feeling aggrieved that someone won't ask directly, & is manipulating you into taking responsibility for deciphering & responding to their desires. There is nothing wrong with saying so.

How hard would that have been?
Exactly as hard & irritating it has been for the past couple of years.
The only difference is - this time OP's control of that irritation slipped.

Yes, she sounds a bit annoying, but you also seem to have taken pleasure out of making her feel uncomfortable, which isn't a very nice thing to do.
I can't see where the OP is displaying any pleasure in having finally lost her rag - on the contrary, she seems embarrassed & is looking to make (unnecessary imo) amends.

Conversely, @NewName73, you have skated very selectively over the the long sorry tale where Hinter has made OP feel uncomfortable for TWO YEARS.
It seems to be OK with you that the Hinter has no need to be the "bigger person" by taking responsibility for her own actions & wishes, & has a perfect right to make other people uncomfortable with her manipulative behaviour.
But not OK for the Hinter to ever be called to account or made uncomfortable by being told that her behaviour are making another person uncomfortable? - Bonkers.

The only thing the OP got sightly wrong was raising her voice.
Her words were well chosen & polite. Just louder than they would have been if OP had managed to keep her cool - as she has for 2 years in the teeth of great provocation.
She didn't even shout, despite a couple of PPs twisting themselves into knots trying to believe so.

On every thread there is that one poster.

Today the award goes to... @DoTheHop 😂

Can I just point out that a normal person would surely have bought a return ticket or day rider which would have been cheaper, if she just bought a single and then complained about not having enough money it sounds like it was her plan all a longbow to get you to give her lift. I don't think you where in the wrong at telling her to just ask you are all adults however I can see why it might be a bit embarrassing as other people where within earshot. Don't beat yourself up too much over it, it sounds like you're having a difficult time at the moment which is allowed.

IMO you were rude and unprofessional.

Unprofessional? How bloody ridiculous. 🙄

If you knew what she was hinting at from the start, why not put her out of her misery and say, 'hey, I'll give you a lift'. But no, you left her hinting and then disgraced her in front of her colleagues.... Nice...

Sure, because in the grown-up world of professional working environments, the onus is on the person being hinted at to pick up on subtext & take 100% responsibility for the Hinter's wishes. No matter how irritating, childish, pathetic & snide the Hinter is being, no matter how many years the wretched hints keep coming.

And there was NO disgrace on the OP's part.
Her response was mild, given the years of constant provocation - factual & to the point.
The only disgrace belongs to the Hinter, who - not content with passive-aggressive lift-obtaining, decided to run blubbing & squealing to the nearest available colleague, so that said colleague could flying monkey to OP.

Because guess what - Hinter is too emotionally dishonest to even tell people directly that she is upset FFS. She has to run hinting to someone else, & manipulate them into doing her dirty work - ramping up the entirely unnecessary drama Hinter has created even further.

But @DoTheHop, you still haven't given us your opinion about Hinter - or why you are reserving all your ire for the OP, the person kind enough to give lifts & jaffa cakes to undeserving emotional blackmailers?

You're mad to apologise.
She should apologise to you, the cheeky mare.

@ Drum2018 Couldn't of put it better myself, it would put me off having lunch each day, in fact I would go sit in the car and listen to the radio.

YANBU. I hate it when people do that. I'm mildly autistic and have lost count of the times people have expressed disappointment to me after the event because I didn't respond to their hints. I don't like puzzles. Spit it out or shut up.

Please don't apologise. You really don't need to. If you start apologising and making excuses as to why you snapped she will see you as a push over and just continue her head wrecking hinting. Just ignore the fact it happened. She was ok to take a lift from you yesterday so she can't have been that upset. And ignore all further hinting. Never share your food, don't bring more biscuits than you will need for yourself and if she's hinting for a lift tell her you're not going home. She sounds a right pain in the arse.

Oh aren't they annoying this type of people! I don't think she is an arse or something, she just has unresolved issues or complexes that she needs to sort out. You definitely don't need to apologise, just be friendly when saying it's ok to ask and that if you prefer it, and then start ignoring hints saying "well, if you need something, just ask, otherwise, I don't get it".
If you won't ignore her hints, you will be involved in her neurotic game. Your choice if you need it.

So having confessed to being a sometime hinter, I agree that after huffing & puffing about the car & bus that was enough hinting & it should have stopped then.

This is an example of something that would feel (to me) too big to ask for-a lift home when it's not a long walk & the driver wouldn't be going exactly my way.

So I guess I might have hinted the once.

Sorry!

I don't think that a 43 minute walk is particularly unreasonable for a fit adult.

It's not at all. Even for an unfit one (unless other health issues). I don't drive and I love my walks. I'd much rather have the exercise/time to myself than begging in the most annoying way to be taxied.

Never feel guilty when you aren't the one being a twat OP.

Hinting is massively irritating and now she knows you won't put up with it. Don't give it another thought.

Shy bairn gets no cake.

You want it, you ask. You can ask politely, it doesn't have to be a demand, but for the love of all that's holy don't pussyfoot around, it's ike nails down a blackboard.

OMG you have way more patience than me.

OK, so maybe having a go in public wasn't right, but seriously? A 43 minute walk home? WTF? Unless she is very unfit or disabled, I can't see why she would need a lift.