Was I rude? To have told her to stop hinting and just ask me directly....

@Halo1234 Agree there with you

Her reply 'well I didn't ask the other colleague to text you" and said that she was really upset I shouted at her and needed to vent apparently.

Yeah, she hinted again and played the victim.

For the future - and I hope she's got the sense not to bother you again - just push back on whatever she's hinting about with 'what are you going to do about that?' Don't make any suggestions, just make them responsible for their actions. We've had to do this with a relative who is a major moaner, every conversation is like a test to see if you'll pick out what is bothering them. The push back method works on them too.

The percentage on the vote makes a fairly clear-cut case about hinting - you've obviously hit on a hot topic here, OP! I hope it goes OK in work for you.

Ok I can see that is a bad example I just meant that when someone is hinting I see it as a request and most people I know can read between the lines enough to realise this too. Some people do genuinely feel awkward asking for things beyond pass the salt please as they think it is trouble for the other person (which it is) so struggle with saying it out right that they need help because they can't do it on their own. I also prefer this as I can say no without the pressure. I do realise a lot if this is my own issue. For example it was only last year at 31 I stopped asking my mum if I may order something if we are out together for a meal and still need to order last so I can judge what I am allowed to order based on what other people have. So I can only order a cocktail if fiancé is having a beer or cocktail too. I can only have a desert or starter if everyone else is and it has to be their choice to have one so I need to go last etc

I dont get it. Why does she have to ask out right. If u know her situation and know you are willing to help why does she need to come cap in hand and ask. If u like her and are willing to help her why would you not just automatically offer. If one of my friends/good colleagues needed a favour I wouldnt expect them to come and ask out right. That's hard to do for some people. I would automatically offer. Think you were a bit mean. Obviously u knew what she wanted. I would be mortified to be spoken to in public they way you spoke to her. If this was her thread I would be saying dont accept favours and distance yourself.

I absolutely cannot stand this either. Just spit it out ffs! Anyone hinting things to me gets ignored.

fedup21 I totally agree.
It's not even shyness- shy people wouldn't ask at all.

It's basically manipulative and precious.

But the hunters equivalent to asking for the salt would be to look dejectedly at their meal, sigh deeply then complain that it really could use some salt whilst pullimg big eyes at the person nearest the salt seller. Just ask for the salt.

*Like saying 'can someone pass the salt'

See, I don’t think that’s hinting-that’s just an open ask to a wide audience.

What my MiL would do is sit there at the dinner table like the rest of us who are all helping ourselves to a buffet-style meal and say, ‘oh look-I’ve got an empty plate and you all have got things on your plates!’

What she wants is to sit there whilst we all hold each plate near her so she can take what she wants off them rather than getting off her arse and helping herself like the rest of us. She’s not old or infirm, she’s just a complete princess.

That’s hinting-I find it very manipulative and passive aggressive.

@fedup21 I don't see it as manipulation. Like most people I understand it as a request rather then a hint. Like saying 'can someone pass the salt' I don't literally mean can someone pass the salt but a 'someone pass the salt please' that does not make me sound demanding as someone can then help me get the salt on their terms and time not mine. Once someone mentions makes a hinted request I can chose to help or not. It is better because even if I say an indirect no I don't come across like a mean or bad person just as the asker does not come across as demanding.

some people might genuinely prefer a less direct watly of asking forva favour

Are there really people who would rather be manipulated like this than just asked outright?

Why is everyone assuming that she will irritate other people too? some people might genuinely prefer a less direct watly of asking forva favour so they can offer a less confrontational no by either suggesting a practical solution that does not involve them or ignore the hint by say 'awww you will need to let me know what the movie is like when you see it' if they are hinting for a babysitting request so they can go out to the cinema etc. Also while some people might find hinting whiney there has been no indication she is being liberal with the truth so it seems harsh to brand her as manipulating people to fight her battles. She could genuinely have just been upset as anyone that was snapped at would be and other people decided they need to come swooping in like a white knight. There are people like that too.

Du hance = instance

Interesting update, and well handled, OP.

As pp have mentioned, you now need to remain cheerful and nice, while sidestepping the hinting.

If people heard the du stance of what you said to her, they'll be wise to the hinting, too, so lifts, etc, might just be thin on the ground to her now.

I was getting quite excited at Haifa cakes...

Jaffa cakes ffs

Perfectly handled OP. Now just enjoy your own company in the car and your own Haifa cakes. Cheeky attention seeking bitch.

Fucking he’ll she’d drive me insane, I hate this type of behaviour it’s so manipulative. You did well to have only just snapped now! Let her strop off now and don’t engage any further it’s her turn to take the fucking hint!!

Well handled OP.....now step away!

I am so petty if I were you I would bring biscuits every day and ignore all the hunting.

She's clearly an unapologetic user.

I remember working with a girl like that once. Her speciality was getting herself invited to after work drinks. She'd start by saying no but then start sighing, then talk about something awful that had happened to her and how she was so stressed/worried/sad etc and needed some fun in her life cos everything was awful blah blah blah.
We would end up begging her to come out with us and she'd make the whole night about her.

One day she started her routine again, so we all said 'nevermind, another time, see you tomorrow byeee' and legged it. She was livid.
One of the greatest joys of my life.

Your update shows this person's character. Give it time & distance, eventually she'll burn her way through everyone in the office.

You handled it well.

@bumfuzzled 😂

It is never OK to take your frustration out on other people. Her hinting behaviour irritates you but you have never said anything about it. How is she supposed to know you hate it? You just seethe, which is just as immature as the hinting you so despise. If something bothers you about a friend's behaviour, state it in a calm way. Do not hold resentment and then explode one day when you are frustrated. I would never trust you again if you embarrassed me like that.

You owe your friend a categorical apology.

Her reply 'well I didn't ask the other colleague to text you

She didn’t ask but I bet she hinted!

My lodger/friend was a hinter and I hated it!!

Dont apologise, if you do it will validate her sense of being 'wronged'. Just be as you are when you next see her and don't mention it. If she touches the subject ask her why she won't ask directly for things. She sounds highly annoying. I have worked with someone similar and would pointedly ignore her when behaving like this but then I am stubborn! Yanbu.