Was I rude? To have told her to stop hinting and just ask me directly....

She needs to take responsibility for her needs and ask instead of manipulating others into offering. Hinting is so manipulative.

Don't give it another thought. Hinting is manipulative behaviour and deserves to be called out. She has spotted your susceptibility and that's why she targets you.

From now on eat your lunch out of drooling distance and ignore all future attempts to extract food and favours that you don't feel like offering. She will eventually move on to someone else.

@Newuser1234567

I would never give her a lift again and I would make sure she knew why... she sounds like a right pain in the neck.

I think you need to get some distance from this co-worker who won't even let you eat your lunch in peace.
You surely should have told her off in private, not public, but it is easy to see how her constant poor mouthing, and vulching your food, is on your last nerve.

Most people don't like having to ask outright for favours. I'd go an arse about face way of asking someone for something too. The end result is you gave her a lift - you knew what she was hinting at - you could have just offered, saving her having to beg and you shouting at her.

Ok, so she's fond of a biscuit. It's not like she asks for favours all the time.

Yeah this sounds annoying. But. Something to consider. Some people where raised to never ask for what they want. Maybe they always felt guilty for their own needs. Maybe she’s never learned to ask for what she wants. Perhaps next time she’s staring at your cake , just gently say. “Would you like a piece? Yes? “Mary” why don’t you ask me if you’d like some instead of waiting me to offer? Do you ever ask for things you better want?” Deep soul searching question. Maybe you can help her?

It may have been slightly unreasonable of you to snap at her, but YWNBU to be fed up of the hinting!
Apologise for the snappiness, but not for the content. Tell her that you much prefer to be asked outright and you will not respond to hints - hopefully that will fix it.

She took the lift and then bitched about you to a mutual colleague? I'd never do anything for her again. What a rude pain in the arse she sounds.

The OP is not a people pleaser.

If it were me I might apologise for snapping but it would be half-hearted under the circumstances:
'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you but your frequent hinting is annoying beyond measure'.

It's interesting that your colleague had a bit of a go at you but didn't offer this woman a lift home and left that bit up to you!

Anyway, I think I'd stop giving in to your friend in future. Until she realises that passive aggressive hinting won't get her what she wants (with you anyway), she'll carry on doing it. I actually think you're probably a very nice person and a people pleaser, and that's why you were at the end of your tether with her as it happens too regularly, since she knows you're a bit of an easy target.

Look up the drama triangle and see how people pleasers (rescuers) end up as persecutors when pushed too far as they become resentful from being taken for granted. Moving to more honest communication will mean this kind of thing won't happen. If you find it hard to resist her hinting and staring, make an excuse to leave or just change the subject.

What's more of a big deal is the OP shouting at her colleague in the staff room..... OP skimmed over that a little, but that's the long and the short of it. That was unprofessional.

I'd have given her the lift in good grace.
Somebody wise once told me, to do what you have to do in good grace. Whether that was sleeping the floor or being civil with someone you hate.
If you can't do it with a good heart, don't bother your arse was more or less her message. And if it's sweeping the floor, just have a little bit of grace about you rather than fury.

You could of course have mentioned the price of biscuits on the journey....

She sounds incredibly annoying. I suppose you could have told her more privately or in a nicer way, but you didn't and that's life. It's no big deal.

The other colleague sounds like a shit stirrer and I'd be tempted to tell her so. I cannot stand being tone policed. People should focus on their own speech/actions and not mine, unless they consider themselves perfect.

This OP knew exactly what the colleague was hinting at. She chose to be difficult, disgrace the colleague and then do it anyway so she can say 'HEY - I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD'. Ye me bollocks

Apologise for snapping at her though I do think the message you were trying to deliver is correct. Maybe reassure her that it's okay to ask for things directly and you'd rather she did going forward.

I think I must be a hinters worse nightmare as it all goes over my head.

I have been told before by people I have missed the signals that someone was hinting that they needed me to do something for them.

I take words at face value so if someone says they are going to have to walk home I would probably say to wrap up well or something about getting your 10,000 steps in.

People have been horrified by some of my responses to people hinting.
But when I have analysed what they have said I can never work out what part of the conversation was asking for something

If you knew what she was hinting at from the start, why not put her out of her misery and say, 'hey, I'll give you a lift'. But no, you left her hinting and then disgraced her in front of her colleagues.... Nice...

What Messolini said.

Plus get a big sign saying "I am not a mind reader".

If you must apologise for calling her out so loudly, tell her you'll do it a little more quietly next time ;)

I've a relative like this, avoid her like the plague, cant be doing with this shit. Why should someone expect anyone else to do their thinking for them? Just ask.

Snakes

Lots of girls are taught that it is rude to ask and that this sort of passive aggressive hinting around behavior is the only acceptable behavior.
It is very sad, and incredibly irritating to be subjected to.

I personally find hinting to be very manipulative to the point of guilt tripping!
You had other things on your mind and was in no mood for her childlike antics.
Apologise yes, but tell her why you snapped (if you want to) no need for much detail, and also say you need to know where you stand in conversation.

I would reply to other colleague 'Since she accepted the lift home from me, she can't have felt bad for too long'.

No need to apologise. She should have asked! It's not hugely embarrassing to ask for a lift, as long as you accept the other person's right to say no, for any reason or no reason. The Jaffa cake hinting though is embarrassing, for her. Who does that? I would stop eating lunch with her.

She wasn't too hurt or embarassed to take a lift in your car though was she. I'd keep my distance so you don't have to listen to her childish begging for jaffa cakes.

Where can I get emergency snakes? Asking for a friend