Was I rude? To have told her to stop hinting and just ask me directly....

If you want to respond to anyone, I would respond to the person, who text you, not her. Otherwise you are rewarding her bad behaviour. If you do respond, I’d thank the person for letting you know and say you are finding all the hinting and begging for food awkward. I don’t think I’d bother though as it could be used against you at work. I’d let them be besties together tbh.

I grew up neither hinting nor asking. My teenage son is a polite asker, sometimes with a shade of brass neck but always graciously accepts a rare no. He gets what he wants in lots of areas of life. I didn't teach him that and I'm rather envious of him

I'd find this behaviour unbelievably childish and clingy, in the manipulative way stated above. You'd always have her in mind, and not in a good way, what you'd be aware of is how much she wanted your time and food. As to whether you were unprofessional, I'm never on this side I'd things but I think in this instance I'd stand by you. Your path ahead now is a careful one. You don't want to go back to how things were, and there'll be pressure to do so, so think it through.

@ScreamingLadySutch lol I doubt she'd thank OP for making such a personal and critical observation. It isn't our role to facilitate our colleagues personal growth by pointing out their character flaws. Has anyone ever responded well to this?

OP, she's annoying but calling her out in front of other people was unkind and unhelpful. There's no point being right if you look like a jerk while you do it.

But you've apologised for being snappy so I'd draw a line under it all. And I wouldn't share my lunch or a car with someone who gets under my skin. Just smile and deflect next time 'oh how frustrating for you. Now, what is happening with [insert work related change of topic]'

I'd apologise for snapping and just grey rock her when she starts up her next round of emotional blackmail and forevermore.

I don't know how you haven't lost it with her before now. How annoying to have this complaining shadow who never lets you have your lunch in peace.

Everything OK, DoTheHop?

OP, I do think many people, especially women (wonder why ), struggle with asking for things directly. I think there's also culturally something about asking that puts the asker in a 'weaker' position and some really don't like that. I can empathise (not sympathise) with the impulses that make your colleague behave as she does because I too hate asking anyone for help or favours of any kind. However, in your colleague's situation I would just eat my own food/suck up the walk. I certainly wouldn't go round hinting that other people should take care of me. I think it's that sense of entitlement ('I deserve this but don't want to put myself in the position of asking') which is annoying you. You've blown the lid off it and her recruiting another colleague is her way of trying to shame you into restoring the previous status quo.

Separate your justified irritation from the manner of its delivery. Apologise sincerely to her for snapping, then add 'please, if you want something from me in future, just ask directly, I would much prefer that'. Simple candid clarity is exactly what she can't cope with and wants to prevent happening.

I feel irritated just reading that. What a twat.

GAHD that's annoying. just say I'm sorry for snapping and forget, but she'd better pack it in or i'd be snapping again!

She went and had a grumble. Very indiscreet of her. I wouldn't make anything other than a quiet 'sorry I was snappy the other day'. She got a lift after all and a whole lot of bisuits over time no doubt.

You can apologise for the way it came out, but not the actual message

You gave her a lift and she bitched about you. Some friend.

I think it's safe to say you can scoff your biscuits on your own from now on as nobody will be disturbing you.

I’d apologise for snapping at her in front of other people. But hopefully she’s got the message now! Another time she does this, ignore her and let her do the 43 minute walk.

God forbid any of you might actually help anyone out.

How fucking patronising and incorrect can you be LadySutch?

Off topic, but I love all these posters gobshites who put Lady in their name...

I loathe this.

Probably a little embarrassing for her to be snapped at in front of others, and for that you can make the decision regarding whether or not you apologise. Or play her at her own game, and just hint at it!

When I get hinters hinting at me, I normally just say 'Oh wow. That sucks/That's too bad. I hope you figure something out'. Then just leave them to it.

When you are calmer, just have a gentle talk and say to her than hinting is actually manipulation, and asking directly is respect. Its a bad habit she has picked up and that life really will go a lot smoother when she communicates clearer.

People sense when they are being manipulated and so she is probably making her life harder with more people being angry, than if she asked clearly.

She has the right to ask, and other people have the right to say either yes or no. It isn't personal.

Christ that made no sense, and was full of spelling mistakes, night feeds are not my friend!

I get it, and it’s bloody INFURIATING when you know exactly what someone wants from you, but won’t just outright ask. Dear Lord, just be more assertive and ask if they’d mind!
I probably wouldn’t have snapped quite loud enough for all to hear, I’d have just sighed and asked if she was hinting for a lift and then ask her to outright ask if she wants something in future, but that’s all I would apologise for.
Also, staring at someone’s food seems really weird to me, bring your own dam Jaffa cakes!

Saying that I don’t have friends queuing up out of the door, soooo...

I dont think you did anything wrong. I think she sounds massively annoying. I think I'd only bring in enough lunch for myself. Why is she starving? Why doesn't she bring enough lunch?!

I'm not surprised she was discussing it with her friend. You shouted at her and made a holy show of her in front of her colleagues. Disgraceful conduct.

Did you respond to your friend's colleague?

I think you've made your position clear. I would ignore any and all future hints. As pp have suggest, bat hints back.

I'm a graceless human, but after hinting THE GLARINGLY OBVIOUS to you, followed by you snapping and farting, I'd have told you to shove your lift up the highest part of your hole that you could find - and probably added that you'll know when you've reached it because that's where you'll find your head.
For Christ's sake, would it have broke your heart to just offer her a fucking lift when she was stuck?
I don't get the British 'I'm alright Jack' mentality at all.
Some day, you'll need help from someone too OP.

All this drama over what is essentially a 2mile walk? I would avoid her, her hinting would drive me insane.