Was I rude? To have told her to stop hinting and just ask me directly....

@NewName73

I feel really bad about upsetting her, is an apology enough or should I do something else?

Is this the part where the OP is taking pleasure out of making her feel uncomfortable?

or perhaps it's this bit?

I may have been a bit rude today and am feeling guilty

or this bit?

This is where I was definitely BU

It's interesting that you've worked out the OP is taking pleasure out of making the woman feel uncomfortable, from her opening post and her subsequent post. Perhaps you are the hinter at OP's work.

I would apologise for snapping, as it was unprofessional and, erm, unbecoming. But! I would have to explain the reason for snapping so that she a.) understood why you were on the edge and snapped, and b.) might reconsider her PA manipulation techniques in the future.

Also. She’s an absolute dick for always eyeing up your lunch, not bringing enough herself, and for moaning about the cost of the bus but not concerning herself with your petrol costs. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend, more like a selfish user.

Ugh I'd have done the same. And I'd tell the other colleague that if your friend is upset with you then she can tell you herself. I had a friend like this, she'd send mutual friends over to try to get me to 'fix things', I would always say if friend wants to talk to me then I'd be delighted for her to approach me.

I wouldn't apologise either, the hinting would drive me absolutely spare. SHE was the one being rude! If I was feeling kind I might apologise for my tone, but make it clear that she has got to actually ask and stop the hinting.

She sounds like an irritating sap who needed to be told. You snapped, it happens. Maybe you should of said it to her in private. She’ll get over it. And if she doesn’t, your Jaffa cakes will be safe from now on!

In future just ignore her hints.

It is very interesting to read what it is like from the other side. I don't often hint but I feel very uncomfortable asking for favours. I usually just end up trying to find a solution to cope myself even if it makes the job 10 times harder. If I do hint it is because I do feel bad for needing to aak a favour so want to be able to give the other person a away out of doing me that favour without feeling the pressure to say yes etc. I don't like to trouble others etc. I have no problem doing things for other people so it's not a case that I don't want to have tp return a favour but more of a case that it was drilled into me early on to never trouble other people with my problems etc and to do it myself unless it is absolutely impossible

I have Aspergers and hate hinters. All I hear is “statement” “statement” and thing I dont have to act on it. If your colleague had said “oh it’s going to take 45 minutes to walk home” I’d of regarded it as conversation rather than “I want a lift home” and probably replied “sometimes a walk can be invigorating” or something like that.

I try to interpret as best I can, but I’ve ended up getting into lots of trouble, Especially family even now because they’ve asked (no you gave a statement, not a question) and I’ve ignored.

Glad you told her to directly ask. I’d of accidentally let her walk.

Take those individual packets of Jaffa cakes today, and kick them all first!

We all snap from time to time so wouldn't worry too much, maybe apologise if you still feel bad about it. People who dither like that are annoying - if you want a biscuit or a lift, just ask!

I used to know someone who was like this. She would want lifts home or a lift to McDonalds after work but she would never ask me outright. She'd either hint very heavily about how hungry she was, how she was so tired and it was such a walk home, or moan to her boyfriend about how much she wanted a hamburger, etc. I was usually heading the way she wanted to go but after a couple of times of offering to take her I stopped because the hinting was so annoying!

You could have been the bigger person and just offered a lift OP.

How hard would that have been?

Yes, she sounds a bit annoying, but you also seem to have taken pleasure out of making her feel uncomfortable, which isn't a very nice thing to do.

she is not a friend , just a blagger.

Yes!

"sorry i was so loud in the staff room, next time I will be quieter when I talk to you"
"I am really hurt that after telling you it would be kinder of you to be direct with me, you have complained to someone else about me rather than complain to me, its as if you haven't taken anything I said on board"
"it is easier for me to treat you like I treat everyone else at work and home, if you ask me for help directly when I can I will, but I won't be manipulated by hints"

You don't have anything to apologise for!! She's sly and manipulative and getting her colleague to hint at getting an apology from you means she's won and will carry on with her stupid behaviour. Aarrgghh I hate PA hinters!

Oh and I woudnt apologise either...cheeky cow she is getting a lift then moaning..fuck me it would be the last time. How two faced can you get? Flowers and a thank you for dropping me off would have been what I would have done not to slag you off....she is not a friend , just a blagger.

I am rather proud of you OP! I would have done the same! I hate dithery (is that even a word? ) hint dropping ,doe eyed innocent crap too.If you want something just ask..be direct.I bet 9 times out of 10 you already know what she wants before she does! The thing I find insufferable is that they think you are thick and they are playing you ..errr no Janice just waiting to watch you play out the full pathetic scene! People like your friend suck the life out of me.They bring not one thing to the party except pointless waffle and twaddle., I bet it will be something else she is angling after today! Oh and one more thing..Jaffa cakes are not for sharing How did you not know that?!!!!!!!

I would apologise and explain that while you absolutely do not mind her asking for things and are more than happy to get her out, you find the hinting frustrating. She must be really embarrassed! Although I would have snapped as well.

Hinting is really annoying, not surprised you snapped!
I now just totally ignore hinting, which is probably really mean of me but I figure I am a nice person and so why not just ask me outright

I’d say sorry for snapping but I’m future please just ask straight out.

I purposely ignore hinters to the extreme. If you want something, ask for it like an adult fgs!

And on the collegue who texted- there is a flying monkey. She's managed to hint a lift out of you and she's managed to hint a compliant on her behalf out of someone else.

Quite the manipulator.

I didn’t answer why adults use this behaviour. I can only say from my POV. My mother is passive aggressive and narcissistic. I used to ask for things as a child and young adult and not get them. I used to be offered things and get the offers retracted. I learnt that asking for things was dangerous as I’d get hurt so I tried to ask for things by making it seem like it was her idea. I wasn’t very good at it though.

As an adult, I had to learn to ask. I’m still very very bad at asking for help.

How annoying. I have a colleague who is remarkably similar.

She has decided she no longer wants to pay for parking (tbf neither do I!) near our workplace amd so has started walking to work - only about 10 minutes. But she sighs, and complains every day about how it is dark, or cold, or raining, and then signs even more theatrically as the day draws to a close.

Everyone ignores her. Where she lives is a ten minute walk, but the one-way systems in our town means it is actually a total ballache to get to her house, so it would take anyone out of their way (and me at least 20 minutes out of my way due to the fact I would have to doubleback onto myself ).

What she means is that she doesn't want to pay £5 a day, and she wants other people to pick her up and drop her off, thuis wasting their own time and petrol and then we have to park anyway.

She 'hint's on other stuff too all the time- mainly trying to get other people to do her work for her while she plays on her phone.

(She annoys me).