Feeling totally overlooked as mother of the bride

You could suggest a photo of you both as a mother’s day gift. Dress up have a photo done in a studio and go for lunch.

No need to mention the wedding just tell dd your feeling sad about your own mum( which is probably true) and want to do things with her while you still can.

You can get what you want without causing upset x

Sorry but yabu.

I can imagine why you’re feeling so emotional and sensitive after the year you’ve had but I think it’s leading you to blow things out of proportion a bit.

Try not to dwell on things that can’t be changed and focus on the happy memories of the day, rather than the bits you aren’t pleased by.

It sounds like you have had a difficult time recently and you are probably (quite rightly) feeling sorry for yourself. This is making you focus on the wedding more than you should . That moment has gone so be glad your daughter had a lovely day and try and move on. Maybe arrange something nice to do with your daughter but don't mention the wedding and risk losing your relationship.

My mother is dead and I don’t have a photo of us together, not a single one. It upsets me so I realise that photos can be important.

Go and take one. A real one, doing something you like doing together or in a place you really like. Something that brings a good memory and not something artificially posed in hair and makeup and things you’d never normally wear.

is it possible at the time you where too busy enjoying yourself to notice you weren't in any photos? I wouldn't let the fact that you have just released now taint the memories of your day.

I'm a wedding photographer op and it is an oversight on the part of your dd's photographer UNLESS she specified that she didn't want pictures with you.

I go through all the group photography requirements at the ore wedding meeting to check out any family issues/make sure all required group and family shots are covered in the day. In the day itself I make a point of telling guests to find me if they want extra pictures of smaller groups that would otherwise not be included.

Sometimes couples don't want certain photos done and that's their choice. Otherwise he's cocked up. Brides family and groom's family photos are a staple unless there are issues. So yanbu to be upset that you're not in the photos.

Apart From that though, I think you have to let it go. Extra hen do's and corsages are really not that important and I wonder if the reason you're feeling upset in part, is because you never had a wedding of your own?

That and having had a tough year will make you see things in a different light.

Take the photographer up on his offer, have a lovely photo shoot, make a day of it with your dd and it can double up as the hen do you never had.

The other stuff? Let it go

Actually yes, you should have had corsages. I made sure my mum, MIL and all the nannas had corsages that matched mine and my bridesmaid’s bouquets. I don’t think it’s particularly grabby to expect that. I did my own flowers though, so it wasn’t difficult to make sure I included everyone.

Any wedding photographer should be professional enough to know that the bride’s mother is an important part of the wedding party, and “forgetting” about you is a pathetic excuse.

As for the “family hen do”, you should have organised that yourself. You could have booked an afternoon tea somewhere, so I think you’re being a bit daft about that.

Honestly I think you need to have a good cry about this and then move on. There’s nothing to be gained from dwelling on it. Yes, you are hurt but you aren’t going to get un-hurt by going over and over it in your head so just let go of it.

This stuff isn't important. It really, really isn't.

Wise advice it's all so petty. None of this stuff matters just be thankful you were alive and well to see your daughter get married. I'm sure his mother would have loved the opportunity to see him grow up and start his new life with your daughter. Just stop and think for a moment how lucky you are that you got to see that and that you get to be a part of their future lives together.

I wonder if the OP is a similar age to me (mid-fifties) as it would have been unthinkable in my day for the MOB and the MOG not to have a special corsage to wear on the day while the guests had buttonholes - I'm quite surprised to see that it's not expected now!

OP, I think the wedding has become the focus of your other anxieties. I don't know if I've got a photo of myself with my mum on the day now, I'll have to check!

There’s wasn’t one of just me and my DD when she got married last year, either - didn’t occur to me to want it or to ask ! It was a very free ranging style photographer, who got some beautiful natural shots which reflected the relaxed, happy nature of the day. There were a few formal groups, because we had people coming from all over the world and were unlikely to get them together again and we do have a family one of the bride, groom, her sister ( DD2 /bridesmaid), my DH and myself which is framed and in our house.

I had done a lot of tasks in the run up to help out and my day was spent catching up with our side’s side guests, meeting the groom’s family and meeting the bridal couple’s various uni/work friends that I didn’t know before.

After having taken the cake over to the venue at 7,30 am I came back to a waking household and realised I was the only person of our nuclear family who didn’t have an official, formal role in the day - and it was a glorious, liberating thought ! I did get thanked in the groom’s speech but really, the pleasure in participating and seeing a lovely occasion unfold with my beautiful daughter and her lovely husband had been a privilege.

I don't think you can lay it all on your DD tbh. The run up to a wedding can be hectic and although she might have had the best of intentions organising another hen for her older family members could've easily fallen by the wayside if she was already struggling to make time or pay for other more central aspects of the wedding.

The photos I can see would be really disappointing but sometimes these things happen- especially nowadays where wedding photography is more documentary style rather than posed for the most part. My DSis was mortified to find that out of 500+ photos their photographer had completely omitted to take even one of BIL's Grandmother/matriarch. It does happen and you can't blame your DD for not spending her wedding day policing a professional she trusted to do a job. I'm sure the photographer is actually a bit embarrassed at the oversight (and it is a big one!) and that's why they've offered the family shoot as an apology.

It also reads like she skipped corsages for the women altogether. They're a bit dated looking to many and I wouldn't have bothered except I knew my own DMum would expect one.

You've obviously had a difficult year and I hope things get better for you. But it sounds a bit like you're spiralling into thinking that everything is shit, no-one cares about you and starting to take things personally when no offence was meant at all. That's really dangerous to your mental health and relationships. Speaking from my own experience, I would really recommend that you speak to someone and try to get help with dealing with some of the difficulties you've faced over the last year rather than isolating yourself.

You need to let this go, nobody looks at wedding photos much afterwards anyway (as you have proved). Accept the photo shoot and then you will have a lovely photo of you and your daughter.

I get it in a way, I'm really annoyed with my photographer as there's loads of photos of DH friends from our reception and 1 of mine, loads of the kids which were there yet none of me and my family together - but, I wouldn't have brought it up with her, whats's the point there's nothing she can do about it now it's done. We had no help with arranging and didn't think to make her a list of specific photographs we would like.
I wasn't treated properly as mother of the bride I do wonder what you mean by this though? My DM had no involvement in arranging my wedding at all, didn't even come dress shopping with em I went alone, there were no flowers/corsages for women (they cost a fortune) How should I have treated her on a day that gave me no end of stress for months and was then over in the blink of an eye?

I think that you have so much really, properly hurtful stuff going on in your life at the moment that you a focussing on this to distract you/stop you facing up to it all. You need your family's support at the moment, please don't alienate yourself by making a fuss about this.

Well, this could be something or nothing.
How is your relationship with your daughter in general?

If you have a good relationship with your daughter OP, then please just move on. You'll taint her wedding memories and her relationship with you will be affected.

This stuff isn't important. It really, really isn't.

Your dd was relying on you to help the day run smoothly I'm sure. That's exactly what I'd be doing! As a result things got overlooked and that must be very disappointing for you. But it can't be helped now
Don't make it more than it is. It doesn't have to be some kind of reflection on how your dd values you or not.
You sound like a good mum to me

I also think that your emotions are being coloured by your horrific year. I'm sorry OP, your feelings are valid but you should not share them with your daughter.

I'd advise that you take the photographer up on his family photo offer. Get some lovely photos done now. There's always a point to having good photos of your loved ones!

Aww I feel bad for you OP, it's obviously upsetting you. No advice really but I hope you can stop dwelling on it so as you don't sour your relationship with your daughter

Sorry I should say the flower thing is weird as usually the mother of the bride doesn't have them.

This isn't right op. You need to let this go. Not cause upset s year later. Are you seriously suggesting you didn't have half an hour in the last year to look at your own daughters wedding photos?

And it wasn't about them making you feel special. It was about you making your daughter feel special. If you'd been more involved you'd have asked for pics, organised a night out, etc. The flowers thing is a bit weird though,

It's one thing to feel sad that you aren't in the photos - fair enough but unfortunately it's too late to do anything about it now.

The rest of your complaints - YABU. Having the wedding in you son in law's hometown is not an insult to you, never heard of a woman organising her own hen do specifically for her mum and aunt.

I worry that your next post is going to be that your DD is pregnant and you're upset because she doesn't want you in hospital while she's in labour, or that she's had a baby and the other grandparents see her more than you do. This is the road you're heading down and it's not a good one.

Just take the family photoshoot that's been offered and then you'll have your mum and daughter photos.

I think you are still having a hard time with all that you have gone through recently and are perhaps subconsciously looking for something to fix upon, a focus for the bad feelings if you like. I am sorry but this is the wrong one (not up to the bride to organise a meal, its a shame about the photos but didnt you realise at the time?, ushers have flowers to match the scheme but I have never seen a wedding where the female guests had them too).

I think you need to work through your feelings about the individual things and not focus on this. You don’t want to sour relations with your daughter and it has been quite a long time since the wedding so bringing it up now seems weird.