Feeling totally overlooked as mother of the bride

This is rapidly turning into one of those threads where the Op ignores lots of sensible suggestions and comments and just responds to those who agree she's not being unreasonable
Quite.

Case in point below
It is a jungle, isn't it? Never been told before that the world doesn't revolve around me!

Yes, MN is a jungle for pointing out that the mother of the bride shouldn't be stewing over not being given enough attention on her daughter's wedding and not having a separate hen party for her daughter's wedding.

Wedding days for the couple are over in a FLASH. There is so much going on, you don't even notice the photos being taken. If it really meant that much to you, you would have contacted the photographer in advance. Hardly fair to blame your daughter when you had the means to make sure you had some nice memories.

YABU

Maybe you should have made more effort planning/before the wedding?

Honestly I can't imagine my mother being anything like you over not being in enough photos etc....it sounds so petty....the only thing my mother would want more than anything else is for me to have a happy marriage.

Your daughter's wedding was last year, you haven't even looked at the photos yet, and you think it's everyone else that doesn't care? Really? You could have asked for photos on the day. If it didn't cross your mind, why would it cross anyone else's?

"Her brothers were groomsmen and her Dad gave her away and her cousin, my niece was a bridesmaid and obviously there were photos of all of them, but I just feel that her own family didn't figure highly in my daughter's thinking when it came to her wedding."

I think this is a bit self-contradictory? no?

When I read your OP I hear someone who is worn out. Your mum, big wedding you've helped to make a success, relationship breakdown, empty nest....so I think sometimes when you are knackered it's easy to feel more wounded by something that wasn't intended that way at all - a photographer's oversight.

Don't voice any of this to your daughter, please. Don't take the shine off her day. Weddings are stressful enough. I imagine she's had a higher maintenance set of inlaws to please and if you and her dad are separated there's all sorts of family politics there no doubt.

Move on. And prioritise yourself a bit.

This is rapidly turning into one of those threads where the Op ignores lots of sensible suggestions and comments and just responds to those who agree she's not being unreasonable.

Genuine question if you think you are right and you don't actually want to discuss ways of moving forward and dealing with how you feel why bother starting the thread?

@Lilygreen42 I forgot to say YANBU about feeling upset about the photos.

The flowers and hen do doesn’t really matter, does it?

@Lilygreen42

Thank you! xxxxx

That's OK! 😘😘🥰

@lilygreen42

Might do just that - take a few photos in our outfits!

Your "natural" christening photos sound great! xxxxx

They are!

Pay no mind to the harsh comments. No-one has any right to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. As a few posters have said, probably best to post this kind of thing in 'chat' or 'relationships.' AIBU is full of vipers.

Good luck, and all the best to you. Hope you feel OK soon!

I don't understand why you expected a photo of just you and your daughter but that's me and photos, I wanted to go and hide but got bullied into being in photos at our daughter's wedding, I still get the cold sweats even thinking about it. As others have said maybe you should have spoken up at the time.

OP, have net read through ,only the first page so far but I think you are getting a hard time. I think you were a bit sidelined from the day, I certainly would have expected a corsage as part of the wedding party, and I can understand you being upset about the photos, clearly your daughter was a bit remiss about not making sure there was a lovely picture of the two of you.

Unfortunately it was a year ago and not much to be done about it now. I would take the photographer up on the offer of a family picture, is your mother well enough to be included as well?

As some have said, it was her day, and she looked beautiful and had a good time (as I think you did until you realised the missing bits) but perhaps she could have been more thoughtful about you, try not to make it something that spoils your memories. Maybe you looked at the photos when you were feeling a bit down and that has influenced how you feel.

YANBU for feeling this way, but there's really no point in dwelling over what could have been on that day.

Did you feel happy that day?
Did your DD feel happy?
Did it go well overall?
Is she happy in her marriage?
Those are more important than whether you have a photo with her or not.

Think about the future. Make sure you get those special moments with her, take as many photos together as you feel like.

What you're doing now is a recipe for unhappiness.

@Lilygreen44 - were you sitting with your DD during the meal? Are there any group photos where you are standing or sitting next to her?

I was in a similar situation of having no wedding photo with my DD a few years ago. I cropped then enlarged a nice group photo taken during the meal to include DD and me. I was also very glad I’d taken a few selfies on my phone (despite DD and SIL asking me not to!). My SIL also had no individual photos with his parents or grandmother from the wedding so I cropped and enlarged a picture for them as a Christmas present. At least both our families were treated equally badly by that wedding photographer!

I can't help thinking about a Mumsnetter who used to talk about the funeral of her teenage daughter who died of cancer.
Some people made snide remarks to her because she had done her hair and dressed up nicely.
But as she said, she was never going to be Mother of the Bride now, so this was her only chance to do her DD proud.
Maybe something to think about

right I only read to the end of page 1 where OP states she has never been married.

So is this a case of OP wanting to foist HER idea of HER OWN wedding?

Im sorry OP but it wasnt your wedding, not your day. And it is just a day.

I do understand about the lack of photos - more because, with a professional photographer there and everyone dressed up, it's such a great opportunity to get some good ones.

Twice I've been at weddings of people very close to me (was bridesmaid for one) and not ended up with a photo of me with the bride, or B&G, except in big groups, because they took an informal approach with photography, or only prioritised a few images. It was disappointing, not because I imagined the day was 'about me' but because it would have been nice to have the close-up personal image as a memento and, if your sister / daughter / best friend is hiring a professional photographer for a day and you're all there looking your best, it's just a great opportunity to gain a really nice picture, that you might want to frame.

I think you can rescue this, for yourself, with an anniversary, or birthday, or just because, day out or afternoon tea with your dd and sister, plus some nice photos together. More of a 'now the whirlwind of the wedding is behind us, plus all your difficult stuff, wouldn't it be lovely to treat ourselves to a relaxed day out?'

When I was mother of the bride; I organised all of the flowers (apart from the brides bouquet as per tradition).
I made sure that I ordered a large special one for myself to match my outfit.

Crikey I am shocked by some of these responses, I absolutely understand why the OP is feeling down about this, especially as it really is too late to do anything about it. I would take the photographer up on the offer of a photoshoot quite frankly, maybe one of these autumnal out for a walk ones. Am sure it was just that you were busy being the mother of the bride and making other guests feel welcome so the photo with your daughter just didn't happen. Am sure your daughter would have wanted one with your too.

Also going against the grain to say you are entitled to your feelings OP.
I had a very big (first) wedding. Loads of photos. The marriage ended and my ExH went to bin the wedding albums. I salvaged them. Not long after my Mum got very ill and passed away.
Even though my ExH was awful, the divorce was a shit storm and I’m remarried now, I’m still so happy to have those photos of my Mum and Dad together, me and my Mum and then the wider family ones (on my side).
Don’t beat yourself up for the way you feel. I’d try and learn from it and get lots of photos at other occasions.
Maybe you could arrange an event on the first wedding anniversary too? I’m sure your DD would love that.

Did you ask for wedding corsages? Your DD might not have known about this tradition. Button holes are pretty common, flowers for the females in the family aren’t.

Also the camera person will just have snapped away apart from the formal photos. So if you didn’t remember to ask, it’s not your DD’s fault she was too caught up in the day to ask either.

Don’t make your DD’s wedding day a point of contention between you both, especially now it’s over and done with she cannot transport back in time and make the changes you want.

I was glad to help my daughter on her special day and many mobs wear corsages, not an unusual thing
Again though, it's about you wanting what you think should happen.
People have said corsages for mums aren't the norm. It may not be unusual, but it's up to the couple what they want to do.

It's tradition to have a big period of time where everyon has a million formal photos, immediate family, wider family, bridal party, groom and bride with separate siblings/parents etc. Many couples (me included) dont do that. If our parents complained because they didn't like that we didn't have a formal photo with them then we'd be telling them where to go because neither of us like photoshoots, we hate weddings with massive time gaps for photos and wouldn't do that to our guests.

It's tradition for dad to give the bride away. Many couples don't do that.
If a dad was moping a year later about how unfair it was he didn't get his special moment because he's the father of the bride don't you know, he'd be rightly told to get over it.

I don't think it's unusual for a mother of the bride to have a corsage. Some do, some don't , a bit like wearing a hat for a wedding, it's not unusual either way.

It’s ok to feel sad but you also have to let it go. What’s done is done.

Weddings are getting less and less traditional so it’s unsurprising that a MOB corsage buttonhole might be overlooked. Families are also less traditional, 2 sets of two parents can easily become 4 sets of two parents, and as some people are marrying later (or having second marriages) no parents is also a possibility.

Take up the photographers offer - you will regret it if you don’t.

Plus, it will remind them not to overlook the MOB (if there is one) at future weddings!

Fingers crossed your other troubles improve soon.