Feeling totally overlooked as mother of the bride

I get it. The corsage marks you as part of the bridal party, I actually had one when my Dh was best man which I thought was quite a lovely thing to do by the groom's family. We matched the groom's buttonholes, this included the groom's sister and her Dh too. The bride's family matched her bouquet colour.

Photographs, there is usually a standard list so B&G, then bride with her parents, groom with his parents etc. We actually had 2 photographers, one for the official line up crap and another taking casual shots which we preferred.

It isn't your responsibility to make sure there is a photo of you and your daughter, it was the photographers. You have had a shit year and this just feels like the icing on the cake. Try to focus on the fact that it was a great day and have some photos taken of you and your daughter now. It doesn't need to be a special occasion, just when you see her.

There must be more to this. I can understand your disappointment at the photos, but your OP suggests a disproportionate response.

You say you are laid back but are you the type of person who appears laid back and tells everyone you are laid back but deep down you are anything but. A close family member of ours is so intent wanting to not impose themselves or their thoughts on anyone that they fail to understand when people can't read their minds in any situation and later on it turns out they were hugely offended by others' thoughtlessness.

Whilst it may come from a good place it's bloody frustrating.

Yabu sorry. I've only read page 1 of the thread so I may be repeating what others have said. Photos and flowers should have been talked about with the photographer and florist before the wedding. We gave our photographer a list of the photos we wanted and then he told me to cut it by at least half unless we wanted the photos to take 4 hours. I haven't got one of just me and my mum at my wedding although she is in a lot of the photos.

With the hen do it's usual to have the bride and her friends there, not older relatives. My hen night was with my friends and my sisters although dh 's stag was more of a family thing and he invitedmy dad, his dad and his grandad to be part of it.

I looked through my wedding photos and realised there's very few of my side of the family. And none with just my mam. Breaks my heart :(

I feel sorry for you, you're obviously upset about this and I'm sure it feels as though you weren't really important to the whole day. But actually from what you've written it looks to me like you WERE important - you helped a lot, and I'm sure that's what your daughter will remember. Weddings these days are so complicated, so styled and so involved that they are no longer the small family events they used to be. I'm sure the lack of photos was an oversight because your daughter hasn't arranged a wedding before, equally I think she probably assumed you would ask for flowers if you had wanted them. In short, it sounds like a series of misunderstandings on a day which is complicated and busy. I wouldn't mention it (really it's only going to seen as a criticism of the day by your daughter) and take the photographer up on their kind offer of a photoshoot - then BUY some photos (to say thank you to the photographer), frame them, and congratulate yourself on having survived a potentially tricky family situation.

Lillygreen42. I even went into the local photographic shop to see if they could ‘cobble’ together a photo using photoshop by taking an image from two different photos and marrying them up (no pun intended!). Unfortunately it wasn’t possible.

It was her day and probably didn't realise about the lack of photos. I didn't get one of just my mum and I either. Didn't realise until a few months later. I think you should take the photographer up on his offer. Go get a nice outfit, get your hair done and get a photo shoot with your daughter. Why not?

Are you me? I wonder if we had the same wedding photographer! Photos of groom, parents and siblings but none of me with my daughter (the bride) or with her sister who was a bridesmaid. Lots of photos of random guests - sometimes multiple photos of the same person! It didn’t occur to us at the time because everyone was so caught up in photos, talking to guests etc. Very sad about this.

Lilygreen42 don’t let the negative comments put you off as this forum can be an incredibly supportive space too. It’s easy to latch onto negative comments only, when you’re feeling down, but you’ve also received a lot of support and kindness, so try to focus on that.

Also keep in mind for future, that AIBU is like a boxing ring, so you have to learn to duck the punches.

If you wanted a photo of just you and your daughter then you should have asked her in advance so she could have told the photographer.

I think that is excellent advice from CatteStreet.

If you wanted a special "hen do" with your daughter, you should have organized it, not your daughter. If you wanted a special wedding experience, you should have organized it. Just because you have a sad feeling does not mean it is reasonable or that you have to share it. However, if it is something that disturbs you, you can use it to change something in your own life. Perhaps you can use your discomfort to work on a goal of your own, like having your own wedding someday.

I'm going to assume (mainly because of the belatedness) that this isn't one of those instances of maternal entitlement to be danced around by adult daughters.

OP, it seems to me as if you have been through a year where your life and your role in it has fundamentally changed. You have split up with your partner (who I am presuming was long-term), your mother has dementia and so you find yourself in the 'mother' role to her, and your (presumably last) child has left home. Your former certainties have shifted and this seems to have left you questioning how important you are to anyone any more, particularly your daughter. And I think you are reading the loss of that certainty too (of importance to her) into the photos.

I would, with others, urge you not to take this to her - it would be unfair to her, and it isn't about her. This is about your adjustment to the changes in your life and how they have affected your sense of identity. I think it would be worth talking all this through with a counsellor.

OP, you didn't get the photos you would have liked. That's a shame. But move on, because you've been offered a special shoot for just the two of you! Make a day of it, have a ball!

Let the corsage bit go. Some people choose to have them some don't. I didn't bother, doesn't mean that I don't love my Mum to bits though.

OP, I was a wedding planner and manager for several years and have dealt with lots of clients in a similar position to you now. They get in touch after the wedding (sometimes over a year after the wedding) because they've just realised something. Either they never collected their cake or one of the centrepieces never came home, occasionally angry that a certain song wasn't played during the breakfast or, like you, complaining that the photographer missed someone out.

There is nothing that can be done retrospectively. You can't re-have the day. You need to accept that it's been and gone and that's that. The best you can do is put it behind you.

I was really sad when I realised that no one took any photos during my sons christening. It was a big deal to us but we have no 'proof' it happened. Alas, nothing we can do now!

OP, you're getting a hard time on here and I feel for you.
It sounds like this had been yet another sad thing for you on top of your already shitty year so it's all piled up and it's hard to get past it.
I don't think you're being especially unreasonable, the MOB is an important person on her daughter's wedding day and it does seem as if you were overlooked to some extent but as others have said wedding days can fly past in a mad whirl and I can see why you didn't notice how the photos were being taken, or not, and that there weren't many of you with your DD.

I do think the photographer is partly to blame, he should have taken some when you were all getting ready or at the start of the day's festivities at least. That's fairly standard unless the bride doesn't want it.

And corsages for MOBs and GMOBS are not that unusual, although not everyone has them. But I can see why you're sad, they are like a mark of respect, identifying the bride's close female family as important.

It's very unfortunate but sadly I think you have to try to move on, for your own emotional health.
for you now.

Apologies Teddybear but I can't see how to reply directly on this new phone. I wouldn't be happy, but a lot of photographers get you to choose which snaps you want. Maybe the bride selected these ones. What is be annoyed about was being bypassed. Presumably , as motb hasn't heard otherwise, bride was happy with photographer. Now for another person to turn round a year later and complain would make me feel embarrassed. I can't believe she didn't discuss it with her daughter first.

I think you’re feeling a bit lost because of all the other things that have went on in your life, recently and have went down the route of negative thinking. I’m sure you know that in your heart and are aware that you’re being a bit unreasonable. Please don’t let this spoil the memories of what should have been a lovely day.

Shinyletsbebadguys, please don’t use the anti Irish term ‘throwing a Paddy’. I’m sure you haven’t intended insulting anyone, but that is an offensive term.