Feeling totally overlooked as mother of the bride

You could contact some of the family/guests and see if they have any random photo`s of you and DD.

YABU about some of the other stuff, though. You could have sorted most of that out at the time?

I don’t have a photo with my mum either, just me and my dad at the wedding car.
We gave mum & mil flowers during the speeches - did anything like that happen?

I think you have to forget and forgive any oversight by your daughter.The wedding is about the couple and it’s an extremely busy time. You have left it too late to do anything about photos or flowers.

Move on OP x

You are supposed to organise the hen do for the bride. If you wanted one you should have done it yourself!

I think you’re stressing about the wrong things. You can’t help how you feel but you can make a conscious decision to look forwards and not allow trivia to make you unhappy.
I’m a mother of a bride next year. Delighted if I don’t feature in photos much - I want a single photo of a beaming, joyous couple and nothing more. I wish for their happiness not a posed photo of mother and daughter.
I’ll have a corsage but then I’m making all the buttonholes and doing the church flowers with a few friends. If you wanted one, why didn’t you ask? What role did you play? It is about making the day special for the marrying couple and supporting them as they start a life together, not about you, your outfit, your flowers, your photograph. I suspect I’ll work very hard at my daughters wedding. I won’t feel like a dogsbody though; it will be an absolute pleasure to see them having a lovely day that we’ve helped bring about.
Take your daughter out for a nice lunch at a National Trust property or somewhere else beautiful and get a photo of a happy time together rather than a staged and stiff photo of something your not happy about.

This is so weird. I think the photo thing was probably a case of poor communication/planning on the part of the photographer and the bride and groom. And I'm sure the lack of corsage was an oversight (but how important is it anyway?!)

The rest sounds like you're looking for a reason to be annoyed. 'The bride's family weren't a priority' yet there were lots of your side of the family in the bridal party and you were very involved in the preparations (eg decorating the venue, writing the place cards) - I'm assuming your DD asked you to be involved in this eg she actively wanted to make you a part of it.

If my mum told me all this now about my wedding, I would be confused, annoyed and upset.

So it’s took a year for you to look at the photos, hardly important to you then eh?
You sound very self absorbed, you’ve had a tough year and now decide to look for conflict where there’s none, give yourself peace.

I can see why you'd be sad Re the photos, but did it not occur to you on the day that you hadn't posed for a photo with her, or with her Dad and you or all your side of the family?

Re Hen Do you could easily have arranged a meal for her, you, your sister and the cousin instead of sitting there sad becasue you didn't get YOU'RE hen do.

It's not about you.

You can't be that bothered if it's taken you a year to notice.

You should have organised a 'family hen do' if that's what you wanted - not up to the bride to organise her own.

Sounds like you WERE involved - you just choose to see it as being a dogsbody.

This isn't about the wedding, it's about your relationship with your daughter. Surely that's more important than a few photographs?

To be honest, I think that even if you were reasonable about how you feel, you are now well past the point of reasonably being able to address it. You can't air grievances about a wedding that took place last year. Nothing can be done, and it will cause hurt and upset.

This wedding was for your daughter and your son in law. If they had a happy day, the wedding was a success. Try to hold on to that.

It sounds like you've been through a lot recently, and looking at the album is maybe triggering lots of complicated and unresolved feelings about your family generally. Try to be gentle with yourself and focus on the good things

YANBU. This happened to my friend and it was almost as if she hadn’t attended the wedding at all. No family issues and she was a fully involved mother of bride, the photographer just ‘forgot’.

She was really sad too. That was quite a while ago and she’s over it but we, as her friends were all sad, too.

Yabu. Let it go ffs.

That's no reason to try and live vicariously through your daughter's wedding album.

You can’t care that much if it’s taken you a year to look at the wedding photo’s!

YABU.

You're mourning your mum having dementia, separating from your partner, your on moving out this isn't about the wedding it's about you being hurt.
You way overstepped contacting the photographer and as your daughter I'd be cross, you are being very unreasonable, no mothers often don't have a corsage only the men in the main wedding party and if you wanted one you should have said, your daughter tried to involve you in the arrangements and now you complain, as for the hen do it's normal not to have your mum there and if you wanted a tea you should have organise it for her. This was her wedding and if you bring this stuff up you will make her feel bad and spoil it for her so stop being selfish, she didn't exclude you.
With everything else you are not being unreasonable to feel overwhelmed, talk to someone as you are tightly wound and ready to pop at the wrong people.

YABVU. The wedding was your daughter and her husbands special day, not yours.

I can understand you feel sad that you didn't capture a photo of you with your daughter or the couple but memories of the day are far more important than. Photos. You were there, you got to see your daughter enjoy her day, that's what counts. I had a rogue photographer at my wedding and have hardly any decent photos of us as a couple never mind anyone else. I don't feel sad about it though. I have the memory of the day so that's what I reflect on. Don't let this get to you, it’s happened and there's no changing it.

Did you talk to your daughter about having a corsage etc? If not, maybe she assumed you didn’t want one. Because you were involved and a big help to her, perhaps she expected you to let her know that kind of thing. And also, with all there is to do, things like 2nd hen parties (a kind thought) often fall by the wayside.
It was last year: if you felt ok immediately after the wedding, ask yourself if your feelings now are actually about something else. You have had a tough time, perhaps that is colouring your thinking.

If you don't feel thanked or appreciated for the help you gave, that's fair, as is wishing that you could've had a few more pics with your daughter- although complaining to the photographer is way OTT.

But it wasn't your wedding and you sound like hard work and like you expected to be centre of attention.

If it had mattered that much to you, why on earth didn't you get someone to photograph you and your DD (or 'the bride' as you insist on calling her) at the time? And it's taken you this long to even realise??

YABVVU.

It wasn't your day. She had a lovely wedding - be happy for her.

Wow I don't think I've ever read something so self centred. Your daughter got married and you're upset because you didn't get photos together and you didn't get flowers and you didn't get a hen do organised by your daughter for yourself and your sister. You might be her mother but truthfully yes you are just a guest at her wedding why do you think you should get special treatment? It shouldn't be all about you.

I think that of you had wanted a photo of yourself and your daughter you should have asked on the day. Or made it clear to your daughter beforehand that you wanted a picture of just you and her. I gave a list to my photographer of the group s I wanted pictures of. On the day one bridesmaid asked for one of just the two of us and it was no hassle to have that done on a spur of the moment.

It sounds like your family were involved, as groomsmen and bridesmaid but you just didn't have a specific role.

As another poster pointed out, if you're married, you've had your own day of being the centre of attention and last year's wedding was your daughter's turn.

Re corsages etc, I would have thought it would have been included in the order with buttonholes or you could have asked for one. My mum wanted one to match her outfit and my mil had one that tied in with the colours of my bridesmaid's dress.

I don't see the point in raising this now.

You are being very precious and sound quite hard to please. Why should their wedding be all about what you want or feel you deserve. Have you considered some counselling to look into this? I'm not trying to be mean but my wedding was totally overshadowed my MIL trying to make it all about her and nothing was ever enough. We actually had very little in the way of flowers so she bought herself a bracelet with a flower on it to 'look like she was in the wedding party' despite me having no bridesmaids. Then she broke the bloody thing and we never heard the end of it. Guests still laugh about it which is sad really as it's at her expense. If you dont have any nice photos of you and your daughter then take the photographer up on their kind offer. You may find the bride and groom chose to have less formal photos (we did, very contentious but I'm terrible at smiling on command).

Didn't you realize whilst all the official photos were being taken that you and your daughter handy posed for one? How was the photographer meant to take one if you didn't pose? All the official photos are usually taken like it's a conveyor belt of poses with each group. Didn't you ask for one?

Why didn't you organise a night out for you, your daughter and tie sister? It's not usually the bride who arranges the hen. Her friends arranged one. If you wanted one then you shouodnhave treated her and arranged it.