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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To allow my son to walk 300 yards home from school alone

82 replies

Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 07:56

He’s 10 years old and will be in high school next year. Although he has recently been diagnosed as autistic I feel he is more than capable of walking this distance and he enjoys being given the opportunity to do this.

His father (we split up years ago) is very strongly against this, believing he is too vulnerable and has apparently now made an urgent application to the court - about what specifically I don’t know.

Am I being negligent by letting my son do this? I felt it was good practice for him going to high school next year where I’m sure he will prefer to take even more responsibility for himself, just like his friends

OP posts:

Original poster

Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:32

He would never leave him alone no, he seems to believe his autism is so severe that he can’t be left alone for any period of time. He proclaims himself ‘an expert in (sons name)’

OP posts:

InflagranteDelicto · 05/09/2019 08:32

I totally agree, your xh is being an unreasonable twat. All my 3 (including the dc with asd) walked a similar journey home solo from y3. I do think there risk assessment is a good idea, because it's such a cracking two fingers to him.

ColaFreezePop · 05/09/2019 08:28

Your child is in his last year of primary and you are preparing him to travel to secondary school on his own. It isn't in your son's best interests to have his parents drop him off at secondary school as he will have the piss ripped out of him.
There is a lollipop lady for the crossing so he won't be crossing the busy road on his own.
There will be other pupils and parents who recognise him going the same way. Unless they are all complete CF they will help him if he got in any difficulties which is extremely unlikely.

Does your ex infantilize your son because of his autism?

00100001 · 05/09/2019 08:27

Let him take you to court.

By the time it will have come round, D's will have been doing the walk for down time and you can show he's fine.

Does your DH never ever let him be alone?

FamilyOfAliens · 05/09/2019 08:26

What do school say? They know him as well assuming he’s been there a while. If they’re happy for him to walk home alone that will give you more evidence - they may even be able to put something in writing although in my LA were not allowed to do anything that could look like we’re taking sides.

IsobelRae23 · 05/09/2019 08:25

It will be good experience to build up for High School, trying to get him as independent as possible, before he goes somewhere new. His dad is just being a d**k or really over protective- only you know which one.

Singlewhiteguineapig · 05/09/2019 08:24

Then you can give this to the court to show that you have considered everything.

Original poster

Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:24

Risk assessment is a good idea

OP posts:

MildThing · 05/09/2019 08:23

It is perfectly normal for 10 year olds to walk to school unaccompanied.

Routes on the school run are inevitably busy with other parents who recognise your child, it is an ideal way for them to build independence.

And the last thing you want is a child who already has a difference being thought if as babyish because his Mum walks him to school.

Original poster

Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:23

It would be helpful if those that voted that I am being unreasonable would let me know why I am

OP posts:

Singlewhiteguineapig · 05/09/2019 08:23

Could you carry out a written risk assessment identifying all the potential risks and ways Of minimising risk. Eg lollipop person, practiced since age 4, watched him surreptitiously, spoken to teachers etc.
Crossing the road independently is an important life skill and there are (obv) risks in not learning how to do it.

Racmactac · 05/09/2019 08:22

Honestly. The court would think he is being ridiculous (and he is)

Original poster

Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:21

He doesn’t pay for a solicitor, I had one last time and cost thousands I just don’t have.
He has the children about 50/50, he would like me to have less time
With them

OP posts:

WhatsMyPassword · 05/09/2019 08:18

O/T how much does a court case cost ? retaining solicitors etc ? I seriously have no idea how these people who litigate at the drop of a hat afford it

orangeshoebox · 05/09/2019 08:17

if he is the far superior parent maybe he should do more parenting then...

Original poster

Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:15

I genuinely cannot see that he can’t do this, he knows to look both ways when crossing the road, he knows not to talk to strangers, he’s very well behaved probably because of his autism so if he’s asked to do something then he does it. I’m at home waiting for him when he comes back
His father criticises my parenting constantly, he can’t help himself he’s so negative, which is why I’m asking opinions as he tells me so often that he is a far superior parent

OP posts:

EskewedBeef · 05/09/2019 08:13

YANBU. Walking a short, familiar route in broad daylight is very low risk.

Hooferdoofer37 · 05/09/2019 08:12

Is he coming home to an empty house or are you/ another adult there to greet him?

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 05/09/2019 08:11

The vast majority of Y6 children at our primary school are allowed to walk home alone.

orangeshoebox · 05/09/2019 08:10

you know your son.
I think a very short distance is a great opportunity to practice getting around on their own.

fwiw my 9yo walks to and from school on their own, it's just over half a mile.

Wakemeuuuup · 05/09/2019 08:08

Unless there is more information that you're not sharing with us I would say it's fine for him to walk by himself

WhoKnewBeefStew · 05/09/2019 08:08

My dd started walking to and from school at 10. You know your son better than anyone else.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 05/09/2019 08:07

Autism means a lot of different things and only you know if your son can handle that.

It seems he's ok with it and most NT 10 year olds would be totally ok with it.

NeverTwerkNaked · 05/09/2019 08:07

I've lost all faith in the family court system too but I think you will be alright here. He's got to be helped to be increasingly independent and this sounds like a sensible planm

GruciusMalfoy · 05/09/2019 08:07

I really don't see a problem with this. They have to do these things eventually, and a 4 minute walk alongside a friend sounds like a sensible way to start.

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