My children have sucked the life out of me

It can be hell at times but honestly it will get easier. Speak to your GP if you feel you are not coping. Take one small thing a day and try and enjoy it. Try and exercise (YouTube ? Workout), you will be amazed at how much energy you gain. Eat regular meals. Snacking and grazing can impact on mood and energy, not in a good way. Try and bring light to the day, see some funny sides. If the kids are whinging, distract them with something. Get out and about. There is no answer here on some days, I found it awful at times. I really feel for you but these were the things that got me through it.

let them help you prepare food

They're all under 5...how much 'help' do you think it would be?!

Treat yourself to some shopping time? What the fuck am I reading here?

Go back to the drs get different medication make plans to return to work even couple of hours will make a difference to your mental health

No one made you have 3 kids; you should have stopped at one or had bigger gaps in between when you realised you didn't like being a mother. The poor discipline is down to you and your husband, I'm afraid.

The kids need to be outside running around, remove the audience (you) when they whinge, let them help you prepare food/lay the table etc. Actually play with them and enjoy them and give them some quality attention as I bet you are shouting at them all the time for random silly, unimportant things. Get some other mums as friends and let the kids play together at the park.

Tell your husband he needs to step up and be with the kids 50% of the time at the weekend. Treat yourself to some shopping time then or go and sit on a bench somewhere in the countryside and read a book!

Your life would be easier if you divorced that man, he is no husband or father, if you divorced him he would have to parent his kids 50% of the time. He should have had a vasectomy instead of repeatedly impregnating you and wanting a rosy, smiley barefoot and pregnant little woman to service him at home.

OP,

It sounds like hell for you.

You need to see your GP and spell out how bad you are feeling.

You need to tell that twat you are married to that he had better get used to them on his own.

See how bubbly he is after a 12 hour shift with the 3 of them. Selfish twat.

Sometimes I feel very sad when I look back at pictures of when my children were small.
They were so gorgeous and good and sweet. But I was too wrecked, shattered and emotionally worn out at times to enjoy them. I had a good husband who pulled his weight too.

I certainly don't think you should beat yourself up for your regret either.

The relentless slog of looking after them and keeping a house going is beyond exhausting.

I certainly have had moments when I've thought that there is a major conspiracy of silence as to how hard child rearing is.

Know that you are not alone and that people wish you strength.

You are living my idea of hell. I only have one child and those years were hard enough.

I think your DP needs to understand that however hard he is working you are working at least as hard, and you need some time off. He can fuck off with not being able to handle them, when he has to for a day at the weekend perhaps he will gain some respect for what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Small children are relentless.

A PP said that you need to look after yourself first to make sure you’re fit to look after your children. Wise words I subscribe to wholly. Do whatever you need to to get time to yourself.

I haven't read the thread but I just had to say that you are not a terrible mum.

It is HARD! I felt just the same as a sahm to 2 under 2, to me you are a hero.

I only survived because my DH was excellent at giving me time to myself at the weekend. Your DH has to step up. And please ask for help. Now mine are a bit easier I have lots of friends where you are. I would babysit their children at the drop of a hat. I know how hard it is and what they need. But I won't push them, they need to ask. I bet you have friends like that - please ask. They can only say no!

I actually spent a night totally alone in a hotel once. Was the best thing ever!

Tell DH what you need

Hello - I think you need to accept that this is too much and not working for you. You do not need to do it all alone - some options - get a babysitter one day a week, get an au pair, go to a momma and toddlers group for adult company, I am sorry to say , but if you are feeling that it is too hard, then it is definitely hard for your children aswell. You need to put your own mental health first. Then you can care for your children.

Your problem is your H, not your DC. He needs a kick in the cock - not only is he doing absolutely fuck all in the way of domestic work/childcare, but he is demanding you entertain him and pander to him, as well. (Does he expect sex whether you are interested or not, as well?) Even if his job is physically demanding, he doesn't get to be the only person in the house allowed leisure time: he should look after the DC one weekend morning, so you get a lie in, and one evening a week so you can go out.see a friend, watch a film, go and have a quiet drink somewhere. You are not his servant.

It sounds like you both have(/had) similar-paying jobs? Would they both accept PT work? You could get a similar household income, and not have to do the childcare 5 days a week.

Who decided you would be the SAHP? Did you just default into it because of mat leave?

I like the suggestion of getting a Saturday job.

Your DH is going to have to learn how to handle all 3 kids himself. You do it 5 days a week, he can do it 1. At the moment he's choosing not to - he sees it's hard, and puts up some resistance so you keep doing it. That's hugely selfish and utterly unfair.

Op. How does your dp justify simultaneously claiming the dc are too hard for him to handle, whilst thinking he should be the one to have a break at the weekend? Either they're hard, and thus it's you who needs a break, or they're not, in which case he can do it occasionally. (And that ignores the fact that looking after children is a billion times harder when you look after them 24-7 rather than for a few hours because of the relentlessness and monotony).

Its your dp that's the problem.

One immediate thing you can change is to have some you time (albeit in the house) between 7.30 and 9pm. Do the housework etc when he walks in and not before.

Are you in the uk? Can you contact home start if you are?

aw op it's so tough. I'm not at all surprised you're feeling the way you're feeling. modern motherhood is just shit sometimes. you're expected to do so so much on your own. care, cook, clean to an impossible standard. it's so lonely and draining.

you've received loads of advice. what do you think is your priority/ what change would be manageable for you?

On the weekends my DH wants to relax so I’m still looking after the kids.

Well, he has to step up and start sharing the parenting load, the selfish twat. Doesn't he realise you'd like to do the same? So why do his wishes take precedence??

Get a family calendar and sit him down with it.

You say how close you are to breaking, you are serious and something has to change. From now on, weekends = joint parenting. Set out time for him to relax, time for you to relax and some parts where you each have 1 to 1 with the DC and time all together.

I had 3 under 5 - it was relentless, exhausting and I don't honestly know how I got through it. The eldest going to school made a huge difference, then the middle one started playgroup and I had mornings with just 1 who had a good nap routine. By the time the youngest started school, I was bereft at the thought of not having them at home with me. It does get better. But you need to sort out the immediate present first

@Cindy55 I could of wrote this myself! My 3 are a little bit older but still the same shit! Never get on, want what the other has, fight. I am absolutely drained to add to it my DH is in prison! I don’t want to do this anymore. The only thing getting me through is getting interviews for a job iv finally got one and start in a couple of weeks I don’t even care if I’m not better of than on benefits I just want to be me again! I want to talk to adults, eat in peace and actually think about something else. I feel awful writing that but it’s so so hard 😔

You have a husband problem. Fuck off for a weekend and leave him to do the work.

Although your husband is working, when he is not he needs to parent 50%

No, he needs to be a parent 100%, like OP does. I see your point, because he works and earns an income, and she doesn’t, but a parent—male or female—doesn’t get time off.

This applies to working, not-working, stepping, support/no-support, money/no money, etc. There is just a universe of tasks that needs to be done, and everyone who is a parent has to do it.

I felt exactly the same as you. I had 2 small DC (23 months apart) and trying to run a full time business from home AT the same time. Thought it would be the best time to start my business. What an idiot I was. I ended up at the doctors as I knew I was spiralling down, and needed some help. I ended being diagnosed as severely depressed and immediately put on antidepressants. By a doctor who very, very rarely dished them out. I think it was when I explained to her that I fantasised about being put in the psyche ward in our hospital for a few weeks so I could get some rest and be left alone and that of course I couldn’t kill myself because “I’ve got the babies to think about” but wouldn’t it be nice to disappear forever...that forced her hand. And this was with a super hands on husband. I hear you and feel your pain OP. Hang in there. And you need your asshole husband to shakeup. What the hell is wrong with him!

OP I totally understand the bit about hospital- that’s how extreme it feels. I was so exhausted my autistic son and my husband’s lack of support and understanding that I joked that my pre planned c section when I refused any visitors was the only way I would get s break but it wasn’t a joke . That’s pretty scary. My husband from whom I am separated still Manages to refuse me a proper rest because his flat is unsuitable for the kids and he can’t take them out alone because he can’t handle them both on his own. It’s blood boiling it really is .

I remember feeling the same OP

3 DC under 5, no family support & a 'D'H who said his job was at work, my work is at home. I don't even recognise myself on photos from then, I was completely broken.
It's isolating and demoralising. Your DH is a selfish, backwards-thinking man if he thinks his workday stops the minute he leaves the office.

You really do need to lay the cards out for DH before it is too late to fix. Your exhaustion will only act as a catalyst to your resentment - he either needs to shape up or ship out - they are his DC too.
How dare he say he "can't cope with all three?"...he made them!

If he won't engage with you, I would be thinking about ending the rship. DC3 was unplanned as you said, but right now it sounds like you're catering to the needs of 4 dependants.

Don't give your Dh a choice in whether he can look after all 3 by himself. You certainly don't get the choice.

When he is up on the weekend either tell him you are going out for a bit or if you think he will try to stop you then actually leave and ring him once you are out.

I am a SAHM and only had 2 children. I have a fully hands on Dh but it was still tough, relentless days of juggling everybody's else's needs but never my own in the day. It does get better but whilst you are in it it seems endless.

You need a regular scheduled break on the weekend. Of course he wants to "relax" but where is your time to relax? He either takes them out to the park or you get to leave the house and leave him to it. The only way he will learn to cope is to do it.

I would also say return to your GP, just because one med didn't work doesn't mean they all won't help. It can be a life saver.

Soft play is also your friend. Find one safe for all ages dump them in and ignore them for two hours and play on your phone or read. I am forever sat inside the baby bit pretty much ignoring my kids but because I'm present they're happy.

Follow up with kids lunchboxes or bring a picnic and eat it in the car if need be. It's my easy option if it's all going tits up!

Can you afford help at all? When I was newly qualified I would have jumped at the chance of being a mother's help for £6 an hour. Even 3 or 4 hours a week to share the load would give you a little breathing space wouldn't it? My advice would be to contact your local childcare college and ask if they have any students or know of anyone now qualified who might be interested.