My children have sucked the life out of me

You are doing the hard yards

It does get easier, I promise. Minecarevin their 20s now.

I once went ballistic. DC were about 2.5 and 6. DH was working 60/70 hour weekssnd had developed a habit of "I'm going to foitball, playing golf tom with no consultation".
One Friday night before he opened his mouth I said "tomorrow I have plans l. Going out at 8.30 to take in a few galleries and have a day to myself."
Left instructions on the fridge. Lunch - what to give. Parties, time, where, who needed to be picked up, cards and wrapped presents left on kitcgen table.
Did the Tate, National Portrait Gallery, Harvey Nicks, Horrids. Had to eke it out until 7.30 which was nearly bedtime. Got the 22 up the Kings Road and the tube back from Putney to S Ken and the 30 back. It was misersble and really hard. Got in circa 7.45. V tired DH, DC in bed (just ish).
DH poured wine, put frozen pizza in oven. We didn't really discus it. The entitlement never reallyhappened on the same scale again.. He was absolutely exhausted .
DC are 24 and 21 now. They remember that weekend.

OP, can you google Home Start? It's an organisation for anyone with an under five child in the house. In my case I got a lady come to my house for two hours per week, and gave me a break by looking after the kids for me. Free of charge. Worth a look for you?

It is also worth looking into nursery places - if you have three underfives, at least one of them should be old enough for some free nursery hours each week, if not the older two, which will give you a bit more breathing space. But, again, the essential thing is to make it clear to your H that he either starts doing his share or you will throw him out. (TBH if he won't step up, throw him out, because it will genuinely be easier, even with three small DC, if you are not also expected to indulge and service a selfish, lazy man.)

Yanbu...being a mum is totally shite at times.yyy we all love pur kuds byt let's fgs all be honest...they suck the fucking life out of us

The early years are relentless, absolutely relentless. When your middle one starts nursery, things will lighten. When you have two in nursery and one in school, you'll start to enjoy them, I think. Those were our best years, honestly. They were so funny and sweet and I had the energy and headspace to enjoy them. Before that, it's an endurance test.

The weird thing is how slowly time passes when the kids are tiny, and how fast it flies as soon as they're in school. It feels forever right now, but before you know it you'll be looking at time to yourself again.

Meanwhile, it's not you. It really, really is not you. No other role demands this from you with no break whatsoever possible. Just hang on in there. This too shall pass.

We have 3 of our own. Before no3 came along we had our two and my BIL’s son for 3-4 days a week. ( he was sole parent but had to work)

We did this for a while, all under 4. When our own no.3 came along we knew we couldn’t manage 4 - he had to make his own arrangements. ( and pay!)

Our ‘borrowed’ child had different rules in the 3 houses he lived in and so life was difficult at times. ( both for him and us as a family)

We eventually established a bedtime routine, tea, bit of a play, bath, story, bed. Initially had as some thought they should downstairs watching TV and being entertained/waited on.

After a few days peace reigned. We could reclaim the room - toys away - and enjoy an evening of peace and do what we wanted to do.

At times it took nerves of steel but it was worth it.

Of course, 27 years on, its easy to prescribe a cure. When you’re in the middle of upset and are tired it’s very hard to see a way out of the continual circle of childcare, noise, needs etc.

All the best.

You are not a bad mum,wife or person. You sound exhausted. Speak to your dr and tell them how exhausted you feel. You could be run down.
Your husband needs to be told that either he helps or you will end up in hospital.

good wishes .

oh dear qyizquee. How utterly awful you sound.
What an unbearable know-all.

You see Cindy. I bet you didn’t think of that?
Remove yourself as the ‘audience’
Then take them outside for a run around.

Oh, and get your husband to step up.

That’s all you need to do.
Any more questions, ask quizqueen.

He can't handle all three alone but you have to, 24/7? Have you asked your DH when your time to relax is? Explain to him that if he would pull his weight - with his children - you will have more energy to talk in the evenings.

I know how you feel Cindy. And women are made to feel ‘cold’ or ‘selfish’ if they don’t want kids.
It is truly shit sometimes. You really are not a bad mum. Xxxx

Babies don't talk!

still crap he can cope he just doesnt want to-othersie he woldnt have been able to cope when they were babies either

Gabs he was brilliant whilst they were babies and toddlers. When they turned about 4 and 3, that's when he suddenly couldn't cope. He had a shit childhood with a crap mum, and it became very apparent that he had nothing to pull on from his own experiences for dealing with small kids.

I'm reading lots of these posts and nodding. Obviously my two are at school now so I do get a rest (I work evenings 7 days a week) , but right now in the holidays..jeez. Up at 7am. On duty with them til 5pm. Then out to work. I got in at 9 tonight and both kids still pissing about, husband kicking off saying they were being naughty and I needed to deal with them and put them down. So basically, I sat down at 10pm. So a 15 hour day. That's been pretty standard over the hols.

@Skittlenommer Very helpful for the OP.

When my children were little I tried to take them out as much as possible. Get housework and dinner half prepared before 12 and then OUT! It alleviated that trapped feeling . Just parks or maybe library or occasionally visiting other Mums or mother / child groups but OUT !

Just want to send you some hugs and hold your hand cause it's tough and crap and so thankless being a mother sometimes. I feel the exact way you do sometimes. New medication helped me. It was actually a godsend and has made me a better mother. Asking people for help too. Joining a local mother's group. And getting out for walks most days with the kids to wear them out.

Sounds like hell on Earth!

This is why I am petrified of having children and why I am getting my tubes tied later on this year. DH has already had a vasectomy. The small joys of children aren’t worth the drudgery!

Thats a fob off Coastal men can cope fine if they bothered to do it from the start

You do sound very much like you're suffering from depression. I hope you go and chat to a good GP soon.

No advice as such, but I was in a similar position of sorts..2 under age 2..It's gradually got better (they're 5 and 6 now) but when they were little, my life line was nursery just to give me a break. No family around. No friends really to even help.

I do hear you. You're not a crap mum or person at all. A lot of your post still resonates with me now. I also have zero time for myself even now. No hobbies. No time to make myself look nice and I"ve got to the point where I know I look like crap and I don't even really care. Piled on weight. DH also can't cope with the kids so weekends for him are about 'relaxing' doing his hobbies whilst I have the kids again on my own.

FWIW I think men in general are just crap at dealing with small kids.

I had 4 under 6 years old. It is tough. I had no help at all as their father passed away. You will get through these trying times. Enjoy your kids. Babies dont keep
Dont be so hard on yourself love.

quizqueen with all due respect, shut the fuck up.

He gets the weekend to relax? so when do you relax he might think its easier but then says he cant cope with three alone- tough go out one sat/sun and say youve got the kids im having a day out and go

Otherwise whats the point of staying with him

Your DH needs to understand you're not there to be his entertainment after pulling a 15 hour shift. Putting the house back together as you say is a shared responsibility. It's tough that you're both in such demanding jobs (Yes full time sahm to 3 under 5s is a really tough job) and no, weekends aren't for him alone to recharge.
You need another grown up in the house. You can't be looking after him on top of everything else.
It's not selfish of you to make time for your health and sanity. Not long ago a dear friend of mine suddenly died. I wish she had taken more time for herself. She wouldn't have left 2 orphans behind.

@quizqueen How thoroughly unpleasant. OP has three children under 5, a pretty useless husband, no family support and possible post-natal depression. She doesn't need to be told it's all her fault when it's not, and she certainly doesn't need a fucking shopping day.