My children have sucked the life out of me

@Cindy55 well done for making a plan that's the first step!

Glad your husband is on board too! Change is in your future. It will get easier I promise xxx

So glad you're contacting Homestart, I hope they can support you quickly.

I agree with you having either a Saturday job or a hobby. When I had young children and was a SAHM I kept up my hobby of playing netball. It was great, fantastic exercise and I loved being part of a team. There are lots of Back to Netball schemes throughout the country if you fancy having a hobby like your DH has. Make sure they play on a Saturday
Obviously it doesn't have to be a sport, just something you can do without the kids.

Really do look into the groups OP. My DS is a similar age to your second and he is much more independent at play sessions now. When we go to soft play I barely see him unless he is thirsty and he has just started to take more of an interest in other children at groups.

Maybe you could go to something like that while your eldest is at nursery?

9 months is a hard age too. Mobile but not confident and you can't take your eyes off them.

Just remember that soon you'll have one in 30 hours nursery, one in for 15 and your youngest will be steady on their feet. I'd be sticking Peppa Pig on and having a coffee in peace!

This is not going to be popular but my advice is when they winge just ignore them. When they cry. as long as they aren’t hurt and are safe, let them. Your MH is more important to the family as a whole than your kids’ temporary comfort - take care of yourself and the rest will follow.

Rather than a job on a Saturday I would get yourself a hobby! If you are home all week looking after the kids why should you also then go out to work at a weekend! I understand it will be good for you to get some adult conversation but you could get that from a hobby instead. If DH plays rugby every Sunday then you should definitely do something every Saturday!!

Make sure you both stick to the plan. You need more than a couple of hours peace on a Saturday. 2 hours in the park won't give you that. Make sure he has a plan for if it's raining, otherwise they'll still be under your feet. You need the full day if he's off playing rudgy every Sunday. How well he gets to have time out yet you don't.

A Saturday job in a local supermarket, hotel, for example, will give you a few pounds and some head space if it's possible to find such a job. If you are offered Sunday hours I wouldn't be turning them down just because of his rugby. If needs be, he has to make sacrifices to make your family work.

Make sure that weekend in the travelodge is booked asap so he doesn't change his mind. As for MIL that's a tough one, if she's needing help then there's hardly any point having her there as she may well hinder you. Eldest may not sit quietly doing crafts etc, and you'll still be left managing her. Try it for an afternoon and see how it goes but don't be afraid to put a stop to it if it's extra work for you.

Oh yeah that's another favourite. I see my kids, we go to my mums for the duration and I play on my phone.

That or he'd pull the other crappy-dad trick, and palm them off on his elderly mother of another female relative/friend during his contact time. Because it's natural for wimminz dontcherknow.

OP sounds like there are hopefully some positive changes afoot. I really feel for you. I hope you enjoy the Travelodge (I have totally done the night in a Travelodge down the road as a mother of 2, and it was fucking bliss) and I'm glad you're reconsidering the antidepressants and counselling situation. There are a lot of AD options and sometimes you need to do a bit of trial and error and give time for the initial side effects to settle. Nobody can make you any promises there but if you are thinking about walking into a lake you need your GP's treatment and support.

Its possible that OP would find it easier without an unhelpful DH to cater to as well, notwithstanding the updates, but the unfortunate truth is that he can't actually be forced to do his share. Divorce wouldn't make him.

Child care not child are. Sorry, typing crossly!

Oh my love I couldn't read and run. I'm glad you spoke to your dh and are going to the gp.

Home start is a wonderful service, I hope the waiting list is shorter in your area than it is in mine!

Please talk to your HV for support, their nursery nurses can come to help you with the children's behaviour. They will come and do some visits, give you practical tips and advice tailored to whatever it is you need and they will even follow up with you. It's a brilliant service!

OP you are caring for them while he is at work. Three small children are harder work than any normal job. When he comes home any child are should be split between you equally, how come he gets to go off to play rugby every weekend but he is “agreeing” to take his children to the park for two hours, as though this is some favour ?

Re Saturday jobs - estate agents are a good bet. They need extras to show houses on Saturdays.

Why do so many men act as though looking after their own children is a favour to their wife ?

Exactly. I know so many women who find their other halves are more like an extra child to look after!

My thoughts too @hazandduck. Sometimes it's easier to be on your own and tired than on your own, tired and resentful as fuck at the other person you live with.

That's true MerryChristmas. I guess it's a chance I'd take though. I have a few friends who have split and the dad's see more of the kids now then they did when they lived together.

But @MerryChristmasHarry at least OP won’t be cleaning up after him any more and having to force herself to be bright and cheery when he walks in the door.

The problem with that is that OP leaving him wouldn't actually force him to take over. He might quite easily decide not to bother, or only bother sporadically. A surprising number of NRPs have no contact, even more have only a few hours now and then, and they aren't all being prevented from seeing the kids/seeing them more.

No doubt I'll get flamed for this. But I would leave dh in this situation. I would rather he was forced to take over on 'his' time than live my life with no breaks and weekends dictated by his need to relax.

I could have written your post.

I have no answer, but sending you the biggest hug ever, and letting you know you aren't alone

Those sound like some positive changes to implement.

Looking at the ages, DD is 3 in March 2020? That means her eligibility for free hours starts in April. Efficient timing there! With two of them getting free hours, is it possible that would make work more affordable for you? Baby would be over 1 by then, so again, a bit cheaper. You could even get the free 30 hours a week for the two eldest if you were earning over £120. I wonder if it might help to plan towards this?

OP I too am welling up reading your post. Also at that poem @MadameAlbert posted. I only have one and am pregnant with number 2 and I feel like I’m being eaten alive most days! They just suck the life out of you it’s exhausting. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum! It is just such hard work.

I actually think if you separated from your husband even for a while...he would get a small taste of what you live day in day out. Shock him in to realising. Because my sister had two under 3 and her husband left when she was pregnant with the second but she always said she got weekends off to recover! If he had to have them on his own because you weren’t an option...see how quick he begs you to come back! If he had to do his own bloody housework. Why should you be a little smiling housewife - this is not the fifties! I’m seething for you. He is breaking you, not the kids.

And going back to work is worth making no money for your sanity and identity.

I’d put the kids to bed later. At 9.30pm.

Wish I’d done that when my DH was working long hours. Means they put them to bed. I cleaned the house. Then I got a bit of a lie in. Result!