To tell DH me and the DC are moving and it's his choice whether he comes?

Yanbu. Move somewhere more urban. Towns and cities really aren't that dangerous. Teens have far more activities available to them in towns.

@Beautiful3 OP has severe vertigo. You can't modify a car for that, and in any case it's a condition that has to be notified to DVLA.

It sounds as though there is no togetherness between you and your husband,and you have already called him a twat here,so it sounds as though you really ought to be separate.Your children are getting annoyed,angry even,with their Dad, so resentment all over the place.

I hope you will manage to get away somewhere else with your children, and not have a massive upset in your family to deal with.

OP, it may be worth talking to the council about the situation, see what they say about moving possibiities and whether they'll move you and the DC.

I think you are in an abusive relationship, he's controlling you all with the transport issues and doesn't give a flying fuck that you are all unhappy and isolated. His response to threaten custody to make you back down previously shows this.

@Nanny0gg I did read the post. I worked with many disabled people who drove modified cars. I'm pretty sure she could drive an automatic!!!

Glad you stood up to the arsewipe. I'm sure your DD is thankful for that too. You faced down the controlling bully.

If he starts to whinge when he gets back then just tell him that you aren't interested in hearing his selfish bullshit anymore.

Then, get cracking on organising a move for you and the children. Your original plan was good and may still have currency if your family are willing to help. Talk to them.

Well, right now your life is hell because you're so isolated. But if DH comes with you your life will still be hell because you 'forced him' out of his 'lovely retirement home' and he will never let you forget it. You can't win for losing in either of those scenarios.

The only 'win' for you is to take the DC and just go. Move in with family and take it from there. And I'd go now because (I think) school is out. Easier for the DC to move and settle when they don't have to go to school every day as well.

If you decide to stick it out, as far as DD starting secondary, is there any way she'd be able to 'board' with a local family during the week? Drop off at school Monday AM, return home Friday PM? I'm in the US so I have no idea if that's feasible or if she would be comfortable with that.

As far as you learning to drive, it's entirely your decision and must be based on safety for yourself and others on the road. BUT even if you did do with the thought that you could manage a short drive every so often, would your DH buy you a car to use? No point in driving if you haven't got a car.

Where I live in the US having a driver's license is absolutely necessary (in the country, NO public transport). In fact most people in the US get their licenses as a matter of course at 16 no matter where they live (yes, there are exeptions). Both my sons got their licenses at 16 and started driving themselves around and DS1 dropped his little brother off at school every day on his way to high school. If you don't leave, is there any chance that your DD would be able to get hers then? Maybe start saving now for lessons? Of course, you're back to getting a second car then.

I can only imagine how isolated you (and DC) feel. I was unable to drive for a little over 3 months due to a shattered ankle and I felt so isolated and I guess a good word is 'suffocated'. And I had a DH who was happy to drive me around and take me out for rides when I got 'cabin fever'. It was just the idea that I was trapped on our property, as it were, and couldn't just go if I wanted to. This feeling is so bad for one's mental health. You really need to do something.

PS - if you do leave him make sure to sort out your finances first.

If he complains, I would agree with him and say ‘yes, you’re right, it’s not working here is it? We need to look into moving.’

OP, I'm astonished you put up with this for 15 years. You have the patience of a saint.

I think you should leave, but you need to do that in a way that works for you. I don't know how housing works in the UK but bottom line is :

• if his name is on the deed, you can't swap or sell without him agreeing, so you need to convince him
• OR, if you can afford it, rent elsewhere and he can stay alone in his house in the middle of nowhere
• OR, you must decide if you're willing to end the marriage over this. Frankly, I would, but it's your decision

My parents have bought an isolated house for their retirement. I'm happy to visit but I wouldn't want to live there without a car or a motorbike or something. Your husband is being a massive dick, I'd be sorely tempted to steal his keys just so he knows what it feels like.

Saving do you actually think the children would want to visit

Vizzywoo: @titchy; DS had a bike and the second time he used it, it was nicked outside the village shop.

So much for the village being safe!

I try not to judge too much when Ive only heard one side of the story, and maybe there is a deeper reason your DH feels such a need to keep children safe, HOWEVER, the 3 of you are suffering and that is never OK.

I agree with the other suggestions that you need to move, but also that you need to be more proactive yourself. He is allowed his opinion and he has made it clear. But its not up to him to "allow" you to go. If you want to move - do it! Be strong and focus on whats best for you and kids. Life is too short. Start researching your options. Go check out flats and housing etc and make a plan. You can still have a relationship and live separately if you want to stay together. And if you dont want to be with him then you definitely have to move now. No time like the present.

Notice you say he goes drinking in the pub.

I wonder how he would feel about his retirement home if he lost his licence

Looking forward to him coming back after dropping DD and whinging about how hard he works and how it isn't fair etc etc.

I would hit the fucking roof to be honest.

He won't be able to stay in the house alone due to being a single person!
He'll just say he needs it for when the kids stay over/contact and pay the extra if he has to.

If he is insistent that you stay then he is going to be the taxi driver to you and your dc. No drinking because he needs to.be in call every evening

I am probably your dps age and am certainly not looking at nice safe retirement homes

This is more to do with how your dp is rather than an age thing

Couldnt think of anything worse where you live

You need to leave this selfish cuntweasel. Not only for your own sake but most importantly for the dc’s sake

Looking forward to him coming back after dropping DD and whinging about how hard he works and how it isn't fair etc etc.

Don’t let him.

Turn it on him about how hard the kids have worked and how they can’t do anything because of his selfishness.

If you move then none of you will be reliant on him. He can either come with you and enjoy that freedom, or he can stay and have as much freedom as he likes.

I know you love him, and it’s not easy, but your kids need you to stick up for them. It shouldn’t take you threatening to trash his things to get your DD to a party.

Are both your names on the tenancy?

I'd be inclined to speak to your housing officer with a view to joining the housing list and being re-housed.

See your Gp because you do sound depressed about the situation and get letters from any medical professionals you can stating about the driving issue.

Tell your husband you'll be staying put but are going to separate from him (and actually do this) and claim in your own right for universal credit.

Set the wheels in motion, we used to live rurally, I can't drive due to medical things and I was exactly where you are now. Only difference was my dh accepted how depressed I was becoming and the teens were miserable, so we all moved to a small town.

I can't tell you how much happier we all are now. You can do this.

OP, i think you stayed because it was convenient for you , not because of the inevitable residence issue.
For 15 years you've gone along with this, what did you plan for the future?
Retraining/job to get yourself financially secure so you can move without having to sofa surf?

Glad you got your DD to the party.

If your family live in a more suitable area near to your kids' school, friends and transport links then I would proceed with your plan to move in with them if that is a realistic option. Will you then be able to look for somewhere more suitable to rent (could be difficult to get Local Authority housing while you are staying with people).

If your family are willing to help you though, go for it. Leave selfish twat DH in his boring and peaceful retirement home.

We live in a village, although it does have some bus services. We have often had to drive our three daughters places though throughout their teenage years. Consistent refusal to do so would have been very selfish. Your DH is very selfish. He knows you are unable to drive and why, yet chooses to live in the arse end of nowhere and will not give lifts to the children? Does he not realise that the taxi service of Mum and Dad is par for the course as the parents of teenagers?

When DH and I retire and look to downsize our house we want to look at moving closer in to a reasonable town in order to have more convenient facilities and transport links, so that we can drive less as we get older.

As an aside, I wonder what your DH will do if he becomes less able to drive in retirement? I bet the peaceful retirement home suddenly won't look so fantastic then.

Get yourself and your children out of there and to somewhere more suitable by any means you can.

I second the poster who has suggested that you contact Shelter for advice. It does sounds though your DP is wanting to keep you all trapped. This is not your fault.

Reach out for help from family/ friends/ women’s aid.

IAskTooManyQuestions- yes, but you don’t listen to the answers!

You, and others are also fixating over one example the OP gave about long it takes to go to the shops to pick up something. The problem here isn’t milk.

I feel like he gets to control every aspect of our lives

Which is exactly why he has no intention of moving. He has his career, an active social life and you where he wants you..at home. Is he controlling in other ways? With money for example? When you were able to drive did he mind you going out?

As others have said, a house swap won't work unless he actually agrees to move out (which he won't) so I would make preparations to leave and take the kids with me. It's not just that he insists on living somewhere the rest of you are deeply unhappy (although that would be enough justification to LTB!), it's his utter selfishness, his refusal to compromise or to put the children's needs above his own. He clearly realises that a social life is important as he's always down the pub, yet he won't facilitate your DD socialising with her friends because he's a selfish bastard.

I couldn't stay with someone who cared so little about his DC's happiness.