To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

Since having my only child I have been to:

Sleep in. I’ve lost the ability to sleep past 8am even when husband tells me to have a lie in.

Concentrate on TV or films, my mind wanders too much.

Cope with hangovers when you have a small person talking at you and needing stuff. I have lost the will to drink.

Have an uninterrupted two minute conversation with my husband during the hours of 8am and 7pm.

As pps have said, not being able to do what you want when you want without planning - that's what it boils down to.

Use the toilet alone, for a good many years

This, on the other hand, is utter nonsense. You can go to the loo any time you want and close the door!

There’s nothing you can’t actually do when you have kids

I physically can't wear tampons anymore.

Pop to the shops. Right now I need a butter but I am sitting with my 2 year old and my 7 year old is still asleep. I'd have to get them both fed and dressed and tbh I can't be arsed

Sleep in in the morning (my 2 year old)

Agree to a last minute night out as too short notice to arrange babysitter (I only have my mum to babysit and she prefers a bit of notice)

Getting ready and leaving the house is like a mission at times. Shouldn't be too bad since my eldest is 7 and can dress herself etc but it is!

Go to the gym

Can't buy myself a single thing without feeling guilty as it could have been spent on the children. I think I may feel differently about that though if I wasn't poor

Keep the house tidy. Everyone morning I wake up to a tidy house and withing half an hour everything is everywhere.

Those saying just arrange childcare are talking rubbish unless they mean a live in nanny

Imagine calling a babysitter so you can have a lie in and Sunday morning sex with a hangover every week like we used to in our twenties

I find I can’t really properly relax anymore. Even when I go for a run or take half an hour in a coffee shop or go for a walk or shopping I’m on a timer. I must be back at whatever time to pick up the kids or take over from dh. The thing I miss most is feeling leisurely. I’m incapable of browsing in a shop now - even if I do have time I can’t get past my mindset of “quick - quick - that looks just about acceptable - buy - get home”.
I’d love to lose myself in a run or walk without always thinking of getting back on time.
Also after years of not being able to read a book in the daytime without interruption in every sentence or get through a row of knitting I now find I can’t read in the daytime so waste time on here.
In all ways I feel permanently a bit “wired” and like I now have no attention span.

In some ways the older they get the easier they get but in others it gets harder

I think this depends on each individual’s definition of hard. I think I will be a better parent when DS is fully able to communicate/no longer in nappies and we can have a small degree of freedom. I’m looking forward to having conversations with him and playing with him in a more interactive way. I’m not good with a toddler. He was easy as a baby (apart from lack of sleep of course!)

There’s nothing you can’t actually do when you have kids but it’s more a case if you can’t afford/don’t want to/don’t have the time to do things

Having kids normally means your income goes down - either by giving up work or having to pay for childcare. This then means less disposable income for fun things.
You probably need a bigger house which means more cleaning, kids create more mess so more time is spent tidying instead of watching Netflix.
Kids need a more balanced diet so instead of grabbing a slice of toast after a long day you actually need to cook and include some veg!!
Partying all night isn’t as enticing when you know you will have a toddler clamouring all over you the next day!
Relaxed lunches out aren’t as relaxing with kids in tow (babies are fine but once they start walking....) so you change to going to soft plays instead.

Basically it’s about becoming less selfish and pleasing yourself and thinking about everyone else too.

I agree with most of the above comments.
BUT …. having children is worth it.
Its not all doom and gloom believe me
They are not little ones for long.
That first look when the baby arrives is priceless,and their first smile
melts your heart.
Both my boys are in their mid to late 30s.
And I love the relationship we have as adults,and its lovely having Grandchildren too.
And I love the friendship we have,and of course the Grandscildren.
Go for it,

I don’t care about peeing alone, actually.
I have one toddler. I’m not having anymore.

It is just so very intense! Sometimes I still feel overwhelmed and I am exhausted. My bones ache! I’m not sure if there is anything that you definitely cannot do ever again once you have DC. I guess anything is possible once they’re old enough or if they don’t have special needs and you have a good support network. However, for reasons that it is hard to put in to words, your life will never be the same again.

I don't understand the problem. You can do whatever you want as long as you arrange proper child care.

Lack of spontaneity is a big one, I have teenagers but we still need plans in place. Even if it's just to inform them we're going out, which they forget so I write notes everywhere.

I feel guilty all the damn time, I doubt that will ever go away.

Lack of privacy, they still come and chat to me when I'm in the shower, bath or loo. They actually use this time to tell me all the important stuff, probably as I'm in one place and not running around like a headless chicken.

However the best thing is the overwhelming love, big strapping teenage boys still cuddle their mum, which makes up for everything. They drive me insane but I wouldn't be without them I'd be on a beach drinking cocktails

You can't be ill or hungover in peace. You've never been challenged until you're the responsible one and have norovirus
People should put this skill on their CV

Things like not being able to go to the toilet alone are temporary though although it feels like forever at the time. You will be able to pee alone eventually!

I have a 2 year old and 15 month old who's been walking since 10 months. It's only now I can leave them alone to go to the toilet really or they'd have killed each other or themselves. Even now they just follow me and bang on the door shouting mummy then open it anyway. Not everyone has the same circumstances.

Your annual leave will not be yours for at least 11 years. Every single day off I have is in school holidays.

Taking time off for medical appointments (obvs your kid might not need any!) Dd had 2 appointments this week, I was out of work for 6 hours, I now need to make those hours up next week, which has a knock on effect on every other job that needs doing..

Lack of spontaneity.

THE GUILT.

There are so many factors that come into play that influence what you are or are not able to do. Some babies/children are very easy going and happy to go along with anything, others won’t.

This
There's nothing you can't do, you just can't generally do them when you would like to, or on a whim.
is not in the slightest bit true for us, because our DC have special needs. There are many very ‘normal’ things that we can’t do because of that.

Still wouldn’t change them though.

@HerSymphonyAndSong i am not blaming anyone. I am simply pointing out that it is not a universal experience when having children. It was something i had read on here myself before i had DC and I have not found it to be the case.

As others have said, you can do stuff, it's just harder.

Eg DH and I went out the other night for a meal with friends (not just the local pub but a restaurant in the city with live music). It was lovely, but paying for a babysitter makes it a lot more expensive, and knowing that you'll be up with the kids the next day (not really early as mine are older now, but you can't just lie in bed all morning) means you don't really want a very late night or a hangover. So it can be done but it's just not the same as pre kids.

@littlemisscynical that's good to hear!

It was the 'no turning back' bit that took me by surprise in relation to all the things I could no longer do (with lie ins being a big one!), and I wish I'd spent some time contemplating so that I wasn't so shocked at the start. Properly startled by the fact that I no longer had a choice. Turns out I adore my son and don't mind that it's a completely new life (except maybe the lie-ins)

VirginiaWolf - the feeling of unease, that’s so true. I also have teens and feel that horrible anxiety as well regarding their lives. Next year DD goes to uni and I’m already worrying about will she choose the right course/uni/make friends etc. I’m more worried about that aspect than her potential results in 2020!!! Bar some major disaster she should get the grades.

Have a quiet moment or leave the house on a whim. There's always someone with you and they take a lot of prep work to get out of the house.

I also can't blow money on treats for myself anymore as the childcare costs are crippling me.

All of this gets better in time though!

Crotchgoblins "I'm always surprised there are not higher levels of post natal mental health issues when you think of the huge change of lifestyle combined with sleep deprivation. It's comparable to experiences things like a serious illness/bereavement/redundancy in some ways. Your body is changed, you can lose your identity, there is a new family/friend/partner dynamic, your earning potential drops"

Me too, I was shell shocked and felt very lonely and isolated, no one offered to help (family) and my husband was busy with his career, keeping us a float, paying the mortgage etc... it's so very hard when they are babies, you've got to get out there and join as many baby clubs as you can otherwise you get stuck in a rut at home all day (for me anyway!).

When they’re younger - being spontaneous, going out whenever you want/wherever you want,
Having a relaxing holiday (better to go w family/friends so you can do childcare swaps). This gets better as they get older but when they’re young children the focus is them enjoying themselves.
. Having to eat out in child-friendly places (or not at all if you’ve got one who won’t eat).
Spending ££££ on babysitters if you want to go out (and having to be back at a decent hour). This finishes by the time they’re young teens.
If you’re aware of the sacrifices beforehand then that’s good as it won’t be such a shock to the system.