To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

I've never understood why anyone would voluntarily have a second child

Because having my first was amazing. And my second was too, so I had a third!

AnotherEmma thays a lovely thought to not leave an only child with care of you and dp in your old age should you need it. BUT in my own experience, my oh experiemce and lots of posts on gransnet more often than not it falls to one child leaving huge resentment and family fall outs. So having a sibling to help/share the load doesn't always work

Going to the toilet without being accompanied.

Spontaneous meals and drinks out.

Otherwise everything is possible!

I'd like to have children in the next few years but I'm a serial worrier/over planner.

In that case the change you will most likely notice is that you are no longer in control.

You cannot control what your DC are like or what they do. You can aim to influence them and you will have some influence but they will be who they are. And your plans will sometimes/often have to give way to what they need. In small ways (having to ditch that trip at the weekend because they are ill or too tired) and in big ways (comprising your career because it means you only get home 10 minutes before bedtime).

I've not rtft so apologies if these are duplicates! Mine are:
The ability to think straight.
Guilt free time on your own.
Or any time on your own
Sneezing without pissing
Being able to go out to suit yourself
Holidays
Hangovers
Lie ins
Guilt free spending
Peeing alone
Sanity
A clean car
A clean house
Nice things

BUT..... I wouldn't trade what I've got for any of those things. My kids are amazing and as hard as parenting is, I love them to the end of the earth

Trampolining.

This might sound grim but I’ve not been in the bath for 7 years, I’ve showered but those long baths that I used to love I just can’t have one now. I have an almost 7 year old and a disabled partner. I’ve also not used the toilet alone in that time, answering the ponderings of a 7 year old child isn’t very conducive to pooping you know. When I need to pee I have to pee and nobody better be in my way, oh and coughing and sneezing without crossing my legs first, I learned to do that in very quick fashion, can’t tell people the smell of pee is your un-potty trainer child when said child is 7!!! And you know what? I wouldn’t change any of it. My daughter is my life and more than worth the inconvenience of having no privacy or bladder control lol

All of the above. But they do grow up and leave you. Then you’re sad face. Where did they go?!

Sneezing or coughing without urgently needed the loo afterwards, or indeed just actually wetting myself slightly.
Deciding to go out on a whim, or staying out on a whim!
Knowing more about cartoon characters than I probably know about politics.... however these days they could actually be one and the same thing.
Basically every decision involves thinking about someone else first. Yes parenting can be frustrating but sitting here helping my son with maths, I'm just so proud of him and so glad he's here!

"I've never understood why anyone would voluntarily have a second child."

To give your first child a sibling - and not because they're guaranteed to be best friends (they're not) but to give them the opportunity to experience the fun and challenging things about having a sibling, and to give them someone who will be their family after you die. I don't want my DS to bear the burden alone if he is worrying about me and DH in our old age and having to deal with our affairs after we die.

Plus I'm hoping children might play together and entertain each other at some point (I realise there is a lot of supervision, mediation and refereeing to do, too!)

I freely admit I haven't waded through all 15 pages, but I've never understood why anyone would voluntarily have a second child.

Flippant comments aside: it's all dependant on your support network.

If you have a great DP/mum/sister/friends or in laws you can do whatever you want.

I raised 6 children but my network was excellent and I utilised nursery/school/clubs so my life was varied.

It's people who are isolated that see the biggest change to their life and can struggle.

The only real difference is that you have to organise yourself and can't do as you please on a whim... so long as you are not exhausted, have money and time you can basically do as you please.

Don't read too much into the previous comments as they make being a parent sound like a horror story... parenting, like life is what you make it so march to the beat of your own drum.

Anything without a ton of planning
Spend time on your own
Fight the label of ‘beautiful’s mum’
Spend selfishly
Not worry
Have a hangover
Have all the chocolate
Watch tv
Go out on a whim (even to Tesco)
Put yourself first. Ever.
Love, love, love my 11 year old DD. We are each other’s favourite people (poor husband/father). But being second or third (or further) on your own list is a massive adjustment. Just do it, you can’t plan for the changes.

It's just that you will always need to plan and put someone else first. It effects jobs, hobbies, holidays, relationships with others. That's why you need to do exactly what you want before children so you don't have the chance to miss out after.

If you take more than a few months for maternity or paternity leave it can seriously impact your career. Additionally, the constant juggling for who picks up whom and when - nightmare sometimes.

I know it's not what you asked but AFTER 3 children I got my Degree, met my DP, lost heaps of weight and entered the workplace. I now have 4 and it's my epilepsy, not my kids that holds me back. Point is u can imagine every scenario in preparation but life could still throw you a curve ball. Or everything you think of may never happen because every single child is so different.

Spontaneously going away for weekends,lay ins,loud sex

Flexibility.

Spontaneity.
Spare cash.

Otherwise it’s absolutely fine....

Keep yourself looking presentable, the house clean and tidy, the children occupies and maintain your work from home job. I've found I can successfully manage two of these things in a given day. One of them obviously has to be the DC, the other alternates between the house and the business while I try and grab a minute to brush my teeth, scrape my hair back and comb talc through my fringe to get another day out of it before I wash it. I've managed 1 haircut in the 3.5 years since I had DS. I've never managed to go anywhere further than the corner shop on the end of the road in that time either. Yesterday I gave the DC a cereal bar and a jelly pot, and stuck them in front of Hey Duggee, fastened myself between two baby gates, and ate my Weetabix on the stairs so I could have two minutes where there wasn't somebody grabbing at me/my food and demanding my attention. Currently trying to ignore the skin crawling feeling that feeding DD is giving me, and pretending I haven't seen DS emptying off the DVDs as I CBA to deal with it. Sometimes motherhood sucks arse!

(Disclaimer: I love my DC, I'm just having a hard day).

And you can’t eat chocolate or crisps all by yourself. No matter where they are in the house or how quietly you eat THEY HEAR YOU

Get peace and quiet
Let your hair down and party
Think straight
Freedom

They're worth it though.

You can’t book a 2 week holiday where you can lie on the beach and read a book during the day and have long leisurely evening meals followed by drinking and dancing till morning. Kids make you do things during the day, they get bored in restaurants and they get up really early.

Mine are 5 & 7 now so the baby days are a long past memory. It's much easier now and my life has altered so much that I feel odd if they're not with me for any reason it's hard work but well worth it.

Watch TV that doesn't have Paw Patrol, Blaze or Peppa Pig on it.,before bed time.

It depends. If you have a full time nanny then nothing I suppose. For us it’s meant we can’t spend all day in bed or take as many holidays during term time/keep moving around like we used to. Once the children are old enough for boarding it will be less of an issue. Once they leave home it won’t be an issue at all. It’s all pretty temporary.