To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

Ignore what's happening in the world/shut the news out. I think a lot about what kind of planet our children will be living in 40 years, 60 years, something that never much bothered me before.

Sleep in past 7am (5am here 😭)

Eat a meal during the day without being whined at

Get work done (I’m a teacher currently trying to set my classroom up with 8 month old in tow)

Have a long leisurely shower in the morning

Enjoy a ‘lay by the pool at a nice AI resort’ type holiday

We want to have another one so DD has a sibling, but I am VERY envious of my friends with 4/5/6 year olds right now!

Fully enjoying yourself.
You may still have a night out, holiday without the child/children but you're never free from worry of leaving them ... Even nursery/school, it's like dropping your heart off and you're never complete until you collect them

You never lose the anguish and feelings of impotence when life deals them a rough hand.

Thinking that the war against sexism has been won.

Going to pub quizzes or other low-key informal evening events with your dp (for as long as you and the child's father are together, or until your child is 18, so not for ever) - whilst you'll arrange babysitting for big things like parties, theatre trips etc, it will never seem worth it for little things like that.

Making any decision purely on the basis of what you yourself want without worrying about the emotional fallout that might affect your dc - this remains after kids are adult for the biggest decisions.

Pee alone
Have a bath that last longer than 5 mins
Eat the bloody treats iv bought for myself (swear my sons half bloodhound the kid can sniff treats out anywere)
I do buy them treats aswell.
Honestly yes life changes but not forever. No i cant decied to go out with my friends for a drunk night out last min it takes at least a weeks planning. I cant just pop to the shop at night or have a lay in but my kids are young 4&5 and iv noticed these last few weeks they are getting more independent and dont need me for some things and its bloody killing me a bit. Last year if they went to stay with my mum or sister a night its was tears and id have to facetime them to go to sleep and be there early to collect them but now they look for sleepovers and i sometimes dont get the hugs and kisses goodbye. Things do change but its worth the change.
Im all soppy now im never normally like this, thats another change you see the world so different things that wouldnt normally get to you have you in buckets of tears.

Ha don't I know it

AnotherEmma I have told my children that I do not expect them to care for me (honestly hope I just drop off the twig when time is right) & they are close (ish) so hopefully will work together. I put the ish because since one of them has married the "in law" had caused a few issues between them. Although my siblings and I all got on it took the death of one of our parents for it all to fall apart. Families are complex and you just have to do your best.

The one thing I miss is being able to get completely lost in a book. Now the kids are teenagers I seem to have lost the habit of reading and keep thinking there's some jobs to be done round the house there usually is, to be fair so I can't let myself get into a book.

So many of these things are transitory. When you're in the thick of it, it's hard. But time passes and things change again.

I absolutely did have one of those toddler who wanted to accompany me everywhere. But I promise you that now she is 17 years old, she has well and truly got over the urge to watch me poo!!! Lie-ins are not a problem; kids sleep till mid-day. Sometimes they are out and we have the place to ourselves - sometimes we are all piled on the sofa watching a movie together. Life has gradually become more spontaneous again. And now we have two actual walking, talking human beings to share it all with, together with a huge heap of excellent memories. I would not in a million years be without them.

I have never understood this ‘can’t go to the loo in peace’ thing. Just tell your children you want privacy?!

"But muuuum, I need a poo nooooow!", "But muum....look at this dance I can do...", "but muuuum, so and so LOOKED at me! Mum! MUUUUM! MUUUUUUUM!", "mum...mum....MUM...What's that mum? What are you doing mum? HEY EVERYONE, MUM"S BLEEDING!!! MUM!!! ARE YOU DYING?!!" and so on.

I guess we really need working locks on our bathroom doors.

Putting yourself first.

Like a PP said, determine how my day is on my own. If he's in a good mood, I'm in a good mood. If he's cranky, I'm cranky. His mood is pretty much determined by how well he's slept, which is sooo inconsistant.

If you can't do it with a baby, then I don't do it. His granny came round last week so I could go to slimming world, that's the only time I've not had with him this week.

I've not done any exercise for months, that's what I'm currently struggling with. I used to go to the gym 3 times a week. If I do have a window now, it's literally my last priority. On the plus side, he's good in cafes, so plenty of tea and cake :).

I tried baby cinema, it was a nightmare now he's crawling. I spent most of it sat at the front, chasing around after him and fending off the 'big kids'.

I've not been further from home than 4hrs since he was born because he's a nightmare to travel with (a 3hr journey took 6hrs last month). We've had a couple of long weekends away, but not a holiday yet.

On the occasion I see childfree friends that I share a hobby with, I find it difficult not talking constantly about him. When I go out with my husband without him, I find it difficult not talking constantly about him (you get the picture). Your world revolves so heavily around his needs, it's your top priority (as above, his mood heavily effects your mood, so it's in your interests to anticipate his every need).

My husband is working long hours at the moment, so I'm housebound once DS goes to bed. Thank heavens for just eat!

But his little smile and the cuddles do make it all worth it. Plus watching him learn new things.

Things I don't struggle with (although he's only 9months):

Having a wee/shower solo
Leaving the house without an hour's preparation (this morning I went out armed with - shock horror - just a nappy, sling and the car keys)
Eating my own food
Drinking tea how I like it (lukewarm, luckily)
At the moment, sleeping (but this is just a phase, it'll go downhill again, I'm sure)

@Doubleraspberry this was SO me, I wish I had been aware of this in the early days. It crippled me to be honest, I kept being told it was mild PND but it wasn't .....

Safe to say now thou, 6 years later and I couldn't be happier

Sleep

Eat your food at a leisurely pace

Have a bath without 'help'

Sleep

Have a rest on holiday

Sleep

I have never understood this ‘can’t go to the loo in peace’ thing. Just tell your children you want privacy?!

When they are babies, put them down for a minute somewhere safe. Yes, when you’re out alone with them there’s no peace, but that’s not all the time...

The only things I miss are a) going out in the evening with DH without organising in advance. B) flights in which we got mildly drunk and read books the whole way

I can still do everything because my child has another parent; it’s doing stuff together without her that needs organising.

Holidays are fab, we do long haul and do all the same evening eating and wandering night markets as we used to. You just relax bedtime!

Lie in.

im a single mom. Its tough, but absolutely worth it and I wouldnt change a thing!

@smilingontheinside
I see your point. Just to clarify though, I do NOT expect/hope any of my children will care for me in old age, I don't want to put that burden on them (I hope that DH and I will be able to pay for the care we need)... I just mean the mental worry really, although I realise that one or all children could abdicate that responsibility too!

I am lucky with my siblings so I'm optimistically hoping that if I have another child they will get on 🤞

PLEASE YOURSELF

Jumping on a trampoline.

There really isn't anything I can add here, I agree with all of them. The one thing that does really bother me is realising that I have run out of something after DS is in bed and there is a sod all I can do about it. I can't "pop" anywhere. Childless friends who simply cannot understand why I can't "just" do anything. I am a single parent to an ASD child (eldest lives away, so she's helpful when she's here), so not being able to have any spontaneity is very difficult.

If you return to work, the biggest adjustment will be working like you don’t have children and parenting like you don’t work.

How competitive otherwise rational, sane women can become about how whose baby has the most teeth at the youngest age.

I wouldn't over think the things you can't do.. because you'll probably find, particularly for the first few years that you don't want to do the things you can't do anymore.. for example, since having my son I don't want to go out and get drunk and stay in bed the next day, I want to spend my time with him.. I do have nights out with friends, but I don't miss doing it regularly and I don't get really drunk because I don't want to ruin the next day.

If you and your partner share the load equally then you never have to miss out.. I enjoy a relaxing soak in the bath at night time.. I still do this and my husband has the kids.

I go where I want, when I want to go.. admittedly it requires more organisation than before. You just adjust your life accordingly.

I can honestly say there is nothing that I miss from pre children.. my life was different, but I had different motivations. Now its all about the kids.. and making memories with them.

I do know that the friends I have who like to be very much in control do struggle more with the early days as losing that control is hard. You may need to lower your expectations all round, and that is tricky.

Honestly do not worry about it. Yes your life will change and yes it can be an initial shock (mainly the lack of spontaneity) but I can 100% guarantee that it will also bring you a massive amount of happiness.