To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

Why don’t you tell us what your life is like now, and we can tell you what you might find hard.

DD is 13 months and since she was born there is a long list of things I used to do or would like to do that I haven't been able to yet or hardly. E.g. I have painted my toenails once about a month ago. That was the first time since before she was born. I have never been to the gym or any kind of exercise other than a 6 week postnatal light exercise class when she was about 3 months old. I have done very little socialising and DH and I have had I think 3 lunches without her since March (the first since before she was born) as that's when I went back to work so nursery did the childcare. We have no childcare otherwise for social events so we can't do 'dates' or do stuff together like we used to. Sleep obviously impacted but nowhere near as bad as other people. Cannot pop out to the shops even without everything taking forever and copious tears from DD. She's a crier and although not so bad now as when she was tiny, still cries a lot and now also throws tantrums too, great. Everything is a rush. Especially eating. Because you never know when she'll suddenly decide she's bored and start screaming at the top of her lungs and everyone in the cafe is glaring at you. Everything becomes stressful tbh. At least with my DD because she cries and screeches so much. Guess it's not like that if your baby doesn't cry all the time. I think a lot of this question is determined by your child's personality, and also how much support and/or childcare you have to hand.

You can't do anything. Your life as an independent person, with views of your own, is over.

So get planning for that!

I don’t think there are any good enough reasons to not want kids, unless it’s because you just don’t want them. Yes, they are hard work, but so is life sometimes.

Also, it goes soooo fast. They’re grown up before you blink.

I agree that doing things spontaneously is the main one for me. I did go out to the gym, nights out, meet with friends, kept up my hobbies and interests but everything had to be planned & constant checking that DH was in if I wanted to go out. But it was all perfectly possible.

And I never had problems having a shower or using the bathroom privately, but I was very strict and had an amazingly unclingy baby .

I can no longer hear/read certain news stories without feeling massively affected. Having children definitely opened some sort of maternal door that was previously shut firmly and this seems to extend to any and all suffering children.

Other things I can't do:
Sneeze without crossing my legs if my bladder is over 60%
Go on a trampoline
Go braless
Go shopping for myself without buying something for the DC as well.

Even walking is perilous with my ruined Pelvic Floor muscles...

Sleep past 6 am

Or barely at all, during the first 18 months

I lock the door when I go to the toilet though

@Nottalotta - I suppose we had the 'advantage' that when ours were tiny we were still stuck in a two-bed flat, plus neither of them was given to climbing/bolting/fiddling with risky things (which were surprisingly good at keeping out of reach given we are not organised home-makers)!

Technically you can do whatever you like but you have only a certain amount of time and energy so you have to prioritise and often you end up feeling that to do the things you want to do is not worth the organisational effort, cost and hassle of arranging to do it

It’s mainly this for me. I have 3 young DC, a very supportive, hands on DH and my mum lives round the corner and is a fantastic grandparent and willing babysitter, so theoretically I could do lots of stuff. But I’m too bloody knackered! When they’re in bed I just conk out on the sofa. Even if I do work up the energy for a night out, the baby gets up at 6am so no lie in.

You’re

Things I’ve wanted to do but can’t wjthout a great deal of planning and or difficulty -

Go to a festival with friends spur of the moment
Go on holiday with friends spur of the moment
Go for drinks with friends spur of the moment
Go clothes shopping and be able to try whatever clothes I want on without someone other than me crying
Go for a meal with DH and stay as long as we like

Oh! as they get older bringing shopping home &putting orange juice in fridge & actually finding it there half an hour later (though you might find the empty box - expletive deleted!)

If you’re male nothing changes at all. If your female you are never the same again.

As others have said, you can still do anything you like but never spontaneously. Want a lie in after a party? Argue it out with DH first as to who gets up with the kids the next morning. Going out to the cinema? Sort a babysitter before booking. Even going to the loo can be tricky, I often end up holding on until naptime

Go to fancy restaurants, or restaurants that don't have kids meal for fussy eaters. I.e. no Thai food, no sushi etc

Have date nights, especially if you have a child that doesn't sleep and don't want to inflict them on anyone that might baby sit.

Reading a book!

Having a bath

Cinema! I miss going to the cinema!

No going to gym/ doing exercise.

NB, having a poo/wee by youself - bit of a bugbear here. SHUT THE DOOR. That is what we did, problem solved, our children are still alive.

In public loos?

Do anything requiring spontaneity.

Fancy a drink after work? Need to check childcare is sorted first.

Want to go for a run? Need to check your other half is up/out of the shower/ doesn't have other commitments.

Want a lie in? Need to negotiate it before you go to bed.

You get the gist.

I can't not think about my children, obviously when I'm with them but also when we're apart.
It's something I have struggled with over the years. I can be distracted but never quite switch off from Mum and most of the time that's ok but there's been times in my life when I have found it incredibly suffocating.

On a less serious not loud sex whenever the mood takes us.

The only thing I can't do anymore is sleep until I'm satisfied.

read "five minutes peace" about Mrs Large of the elephant family plus other books in same series - mind nothing is written about her pelvic floor (imagine giving birth to baby elephants - & she had 3!!!)

When you finally get free time away from your kids, you won't be productive and tick things off your to do list because you'll be too damn tired.

I literally came on to say I daren't trampoline anymore but see I've been beaten to it lol

@Echobelly I had 2 under 2, really not a good idea to leave them together unsupervised. Very very steep stairs with a door at the bottom, so wasn't really happy leaving one downstairs. So both came up with me, and at least 1 into the bathroom. Now, 2 yrs on, I do sometimes get to go alone. They're not happy but I'm reclaiming solo poops.