To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

Have a night out just me and dh.

Laying on a sun lounger, on holiday for as long as I want to.

@carsleyladiessociety is it spd/pgp? I have it too but nowhere near as bad you, I can't carry heavy things without it really hurting or run for very long but thankfully apart from that I'm ok.
As you said it's worth it, our bodies did an amazing thing and we love our babies

Sleep past 5.30 a,m
Go to the toilet without someone shouting outside or banging on the door
Make a phone call without someone tapping you to get your attention
Sunbathe
Read a book
Eat out spontaneously
Holiday in term time when it's cheap

I don't think there's really anything they stop you from doing ever again entirely - it just feels like it at the time.

Hold my pee in without it leaking somewhat and I had a c section

Things I miss more than anything:

Long lie ins

Lovingly prepared breakfasts of plates of beautifully arranged fruit

Hot cup of tea. Not a cold cup of tea that I have forgotten to drink because someone wanted me or worse a few slurps left in the bottom of the mug because the kids got there first

Being financially solvent- hot weather means kids have been rinsing me on a daily basis for ice cream money

Having a place that is mine without kid stuff in it

Being able to drive a sensible car and not a mummymobile

Going out with the husband without pre arranging babysitters

More seriously though, having children has left me physically disabled. As in blue badge owning, can't walk without crutches disabled. And the aforementioned mummymobile- well that's a motability car because I needed something I could actually physically get into.

Still wouldn't change it for the world. Especially as I have just checked on the buggers little angels and they're tucked up asleep in bed with their favourite cuddlies. They look so peaceful

You will never again feel ‘care-free’. You will always have a degree of anxiety. You’re head will always be in multiple places at once.

Mind you, I thought a bit of a level playing field. And then we got a cat. Anxiety levels THROUGH THE ROOF!

Your life as you know it is over lol

‘You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child’ sums it up- ie your own happiness is no longer within your own control.

Sleep.
Leave the house without having to plan for every possible scenario.
Pop to the shop.
Pop to the pub.
Have a relaxing holiday.

God yes to the ageing. I have a few incredibly good for their age friends with kids but they are all high income families. The rest of us look raddled compared to our childless counterparts.

Doing absolutely anything at all without first thinking about the child(ren) - who is caring for them / feeding them / keeping them safe / getting them where they need to be, and home again...

I'm quoting from a book but "never again will you be completely happy" is about right. The worry is always there.

If you have a great urge to trek across Antarctica, scale mountains or travel in East Africa (malaria) in the next few years then do that first.

And YY to your pelvic floor never being the same

• Cant eat fancy food - my DCs are not that fussy but you still cant have heaps of spices etc or uncommon food
• Holidays, we are not going abroad this year just because it was a nightmare last year with two DC under 3.
• Can get wasted regularly
• You have to be more frugal on what you spend, cant waste money on coffee and fancy lunches or designer clothes when you have to pay for winter coats, trainers etc

When he dc were babies there was loads - sleep for more than a coupe of hours in a row, have time where I wasn't being touched, do anything spontaneously.

Now the dc are 8 and 6, I can't go away alone for more than a few days, and I can't do things than endanger my life (I did many possibly unwise things while travelling in my younger days). Most other stuff I can do.

Sit down and drink a warm cup of coffee.

The deterioration and ageing of your physical appearance catches up with you faster than it would if you are childfree. You say to yourself before kids, I won't let it go, but each kid brings you down faster and suddenly you realise you are that person, you said you would never be (but you have your little loves, so all is good).

Like someone else mentioned never being able to switch off , I knew having kids would mean being more restricted in just getting up and going out , what I never really considered is when I did finally get childcare and arranged a night out with my friends , that a part of my mind would always be taken up by my children , no matter where I went or what I did , so you can work around the physical restrictions of time and having your own space but at least for me it would never be the same or carefree again, not that I would want it to either though .

Sneezing without weeing. Sleeping. Weeing and pooing alone. Showering alone. Generally doing anything alone. Eating something and not sharing it. Spontaneous sex when you fancy it. Spontaneous nipping out to the pub or for a meal without preplanning it 3 months in advance. Having a nice tidy house that isn’t crammed to bursting with toys. Having nice stain free, clean furniture. Having ornaments. Spending time doing nothing...

Have a bath in peace.
Use the toilet in peace.
Sneeze wearing no tena pad.

Mmm well technically you can still do anything you like ( with enough money and childcare) BUT prepare to feel guilty for leaving them/ enjoying being without them or not thinking about them.

And then if you don’t feel guilty you will feel guilt for not feeling guiltily as you are obviously a heinous mother.

I’m a SAHM to a 3.5yo and 7mo. Baby doesn’t sleep well and doesn’t take a bottle so I can’t yet leave her for long. Plus being a one income family we are pretty squeezed for spare cash too.

For me it’s not that any one thing is unachievable (except sleep 🙄), it’s just that resources (time, energy and money) are limited. I’m sure other mums in my situation keep up with the gym/exercise as it’s a priority to them. I did pre-kids but now I can’t really afford the membership and have limited time or energy to go. If I had more money I might join one with a crèche or if fitness was a high priority I might give up reading for pleasure (which I still do lots of) and go to the gym. I just can’t do both like I used to. So the things you sacrifice will be individual to you.

The specific things I miss?

• lie ins
• full nights of sleep
• lazing about on a weekend being hungover and watching box sets
• exercising
• holidays
• going on dates with my husband

Wouldn’t change it for the world though!

eat a meal out and completely relax.
Sit down and not be mithered.
Decide to go for long walk without someone moaning.
Just to do stuff spontaneously.

Want to go for a run?

You need to see how your pelvic floor survives before you even worry about the logistics of going for a run! I’ve been told not to do any high impact exercise in case it worsens my prolapse.

For me it is just the lack of time, and if I do ever get an hour or two to myself (when she’s in bed) I just want to rest because I’m so knackered. Doing anything that isn’t child related is a big effort!

I love it though

@Echobelly my stairs are just ridiculous. I still don't let the 4 yr old negotiate them alone. Most people (adlults) go up on hands and feet.

I prefer an audience than trying to poop while hearing ww3 break out over "he took it from me/pushed me/the cat bit me" etc.