To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

Mine are now in their 30s. When they're young you give up your autonomy and your spontaneity. You must consider their wants and needs first and you really have to plan around their schedules. And yes, that puts a real cramp in your style if you're used to a free-wheeling lifestyle. For us, it wasn't such a huge adjustment as most of the things we enjoyed were easily adaptable for small children PLUS (and this is HUGE) we had great family support so could rely on the grandparents to happily watch the kids if we wanted to do something not suitable or not fun for our sons. As they get older you get some of that back as they become more able to adjust and to enjoy activities that are more geared to adults. By the time they are teens, you are 'pretty much' back to being able to do what you want when you want. Teens are pretty self-sufficient and will usually make their own plans/arrangements if they don't want to do what you're doing.

As far as hobbies, if you have a supportive and 'equal opportunity' partner, hobbies aren't a problem. DH had a sport he loved and I made sure that he had time for it. In turn, he always made sure that I had equal time to go out with my friends and do what we like to do; shopping, movies, & talking.

There is nothing my children ever actually stopped me from doing 'ever again'. There were things we had to put on the back burner or adjust expectations for when they were little. The biggest thing is how expensive children can be. That was the biggest adjustment for us, a lot of the cash we were used to having to spend on ourselves had to be diverted to things for the children, but we happily did so. I would not give up the experience of having and raising children for all the world and its gold.

You can do most things post kids with enough planning, but you just can't do as many things. You can still go out for nice dinners, but they need military style preparation, and cost twice as much because you are paying for babysitters. As a consequence, you do these things much less.

Sleep
Pop to the shops for milk or anywhere on a whim. You learn to make lists and plan everything or you end up eating random crap because you can’t just nip to the shops for that loaf of bread or essential ingredient in you meal plan.
Socialise, sure you might make friends who have kids but you will spend your social time always disappearing in to other rooms to see what they are up to etc and then when you sit back down your friend will disappear to another room to check on her kids etc.

and not just little clothes @Skittlesandbeer

So much of the 'grown up' clothes get smeared with bogies, soil, bananas, general grot that I am amazed whenever I can wear a top more the two days running.

Maybe OP, you need to ask grandparents what they can't do that they once did without children, because I personally can't recall the last time I rubbed fruit into my fathers clothes, so it must just be a passing stage really.

@noseynelly

Partially SPD yes. And a whole host of other not very nice spinal/pelvic conditions as a direct knock on from the SPD. DH calls it 'walking deficit disorder' which is a fluffier way of describing things.

However for anyone reading this it is very, very, very rare for anyone to have SPD in pregnancy that leaves then permanently disabled afterwards. Something like 1 in 50,000 according to my spinal consultant chappie

But back to the original question: Things children have stopped me doing full stop:

Going for moorland hikes and wild camping with Dh
Bike riding- DH and I used to go cycle/camping holidays pre kids.

Changing my working hours once childcare is arranged around existing hours.

Earn lots of money.
Wear a bikini
Sneeze more than 3 times without wetting yourself
Open the fridge to see you need milk from the shop...grab the keys and go (sounds stupid but you can never ever now just ‘go’)
Lots of stuff.
Also depends on the partner too really.
....what’s a. Lay. In? Not had one for years!

@ClownOnCruise I mean

@clownincruise it sounds like you are doing a great job.

Also, I opened the duvet tonight to get in and there was half a piece of pasta on the sheet. Well I didn't have pasta today so not off me but wait, DD did and she was faffing in the bedroom when I was having a wee earlier. I even thanked her for making the bed (ish) for me when I came in so I can only assume it's fallen off her somehow as she bounced around our bed. So yeah, bits of food/googly eyes/playdoh/glitter/hair bobbles/stuff everywhere or as my mum once described it when we were kids 'detritus'.

Go to the toilet without an audience.

Watch Michael McIntyre YouTube clips on having kids. Especially the one about trying to leave the house. It’s pretty funny, more so if you aren’t a parent and it isn’t the actual reality of your everyday!

For me the amount of time spent dealing with laundry was quite a shock. Before kiddo (and I can only weep at how it must be with a handful of them), I think I remember doing a lazy load or two per week. One coloured, one whites maybe? Sometimes debating whether it was a full enough load, so left it longer. From Day One Kiddo, it was a daily or twice daily task. Millions of teeny bits of cotton. Not just ‘they wore it all day and got a mark on’ washing. Bizarre never-seen-before washing necessities. Donated or gifted clothes. Costumes. New clothes before wearing (manufacturing chemicals, dontcha know). Changes of clothes 3-4 times a day for ridiculous reasons. Washing done for hygiene (threadworms, headlice, tummy bugs), wet bed linen. Weird stains processing cos granny sent it, and we need the pic still to send her. Other kids clothes that ended up at your house. Favourite clothes, that must be worn tomorrow or huge tantrums and life delays will ensue.

So much treating, washing, drying & folding little bloody clothes.

Be spontaneous. Once they turn 6 it's pretty much back to normal life pre kids.

Work and earn a living without entrusting your children to someone else (either for love or money or both).

It’s not so much about being unable to do something it’s more about time available, priorities, childcare, choices and money.

just say you spend (every week)
56 hours sleeping (including one lie in)
42 hours a week at work including
commuting,
10 hours getting yourself ready in the morning (shower breakfast hair etc)
10 hours making and enjoying an evening meal
12 hours on household tasks including shopping, paperwork and general organisation
15 hours socialising
10 tv/web/reading
13 hours left for hobbies/family/relaxing baths.

With kids
42 hours probably broken sleep between children and worrying about all the things you didn’t do that day or have to do tomorrow, the mistakes you made and what a bad parent you are
8 hours settling kids/listening for them/putting them back to bed
45 hours work and commuting as you are now picking them up and dropping them at childcare
15 hours getting you and them ready and still getting nowhere
10 hours making an evening meal and feeding your child, eating yours half cold if at all
20 hours on household tasks as there is now much more mess and washing
20 hours bathing, playing, reading wishing you had more time but between work, dinner and bath time it’s almost bed time, feel like you aren’t giving enough.
4 hours baby groups and ferrying children to clubs
4 hours left to socialise, have relaxing baths, read etc and feel guilty for every second you are doing it because you feel you should be spending time with kids, cleaning the kitchen, joining the PTA and generally being a better parent.

I haven’t mentioned DH in all this as I’m going with the assumption he is doing all this with you

And for anyone who read through all that you deserve a medal and you can tell I have teenagers because I have enough time on my hands to sort of work all that out!

Barely ever get time together as a couple because in order to cover childcare as best we can we tend to work opposite shifts and are just ships in the night he comes in the door and I go out.
Haven't been out together as a couple since youngest was born 3 years ago
Takes forever to leave the house....and you have to pack up half the house (it feels like that) to bring with you
Can't wait until they day I can go to the toilet and sit there and enjoy my pee without someone standing at the door shouting that they also need to go to the toilet !
Sitting on an evening partner out, kids in bed....fancy a bar of chocolate .....none in the house ....can't just nip to the shop down the street and get one !

Oh also. I'm a lone parent so

• I can't drink in the evenings, 'just in case' there is an emergency
• I can't stay at work for extra 5 mins to cram in extra work because they need collecting from somewhere
• I can't date just anyone or bring anyone home

You literally can never fully relax ever again. I either worry about them dying, or me dying whilst they are still young. And when I’m not worrying about death I’m worry about whether they eat healthily enough/the activities I provide are enriching enough/about the times I’ve been really angry with them. I don’t regret the DC I have for a second but if j could go back I would have thought twice about the whole thing. In short the love is too much.

Things I can’t ever do again:

• Wear a bikini or lingerie because my stomach is permanently scarred with stretch marks
• Touch my stomach and have normal sensation because my c section caused permanent numbness

There are things you can do though, mainly get your photo taken with mascots eg as a kid I always wanted my photo taken with Rory the Tiger the Haven mascot, I was always too shy to do it. The other year I encouraged DD to go for her photo knowing she'd want me to go with her, childhood dream fulfilled! I'd have looked so weird with no kid involved. Plus we watch a lot of cool telly, like Hey Duggee and DH watched all the 2012 series of Ninja Turtles with DD and loved it plus she got into his 90s version too so he got to watch some of those again (spoiler: they are terrible). I think it'd be a bit odd just sitting watching Turtles at 36...

But I do miss just 'nipping to the shop' doesn't happen with kids you need to allow an hour prep time.

I bounce on trampolines, run and sneeze without leaking- it's not inevitable for everyone.

I became a mother in my 40s which I recommend as an excellent way of never feeling deprived of 'living life'....I did everything I wanted to do before I had children in terms of social life and travelling etc.

For me the biggest thing is that I can never completely relax....unless I know my DC is safe and healthy. A lot of your headspace goes to worry and vigilance. With a child of only 2 years old I can't say if that gets easier but I'm told the fear of something happening to them never, ever goes away and I believe that.

people keep listing as impossible things that are perfectly possible with a partner who pulls their weight.

Absolutely. If you're a single parent, a LOT of things are very much harder. If you're in a healthy relationship where you both work together for the good of the family, then generally you can manage to do the things that are important to each of you.

And if they turn out to have special needs/disabilities...

It's actually quite a short amount of time that they have a significant impact on day to day life - there's a lot that's harder to do with small babies, different things with toddlers, children, then teenagers. But they do grow up and leave home and in 15-20 years time you can basically go back to doing whatever you want. The emotional and financial impact are much longer lasting than the restrictions on your social life.

Having a holiday where you sit and read on a sun lounger, at least whilst they're toddlers anyway!