To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

You'll never trust a cough/sneeze/laugh again!

Go for a run,
travel for work
Have a night out
be intimate anywhere except the bedroom with the door shut AND one ear listening for little feet.
Do anything spontaneously
Go skiing in January

@Gogreen
That makes me sad that you feel you can't have the confidence to wear a bikini after kids💝
You can wear anything.

My sister is scarred all over her body. Her tummy is a mess from awful surgical scars which went wrong. If she can wear a bikini anyone can.

Oh, and hangovers and babies/children really don't mix!

Spontaneity. Everything needs more planning.

Not much. It's the type of person you are and the way you fit a child into your life.
My child fitted into our lives, our life did not suddenly revolve around his.
I was a dancer so I took him with me, to classes, to rehearsals, to auditions ( and to nightclubs in his baby seat- it was a while a go!) He has been such a fixture he's been allowed in clubs all through his life much to his friends envy in early teenage years. He came to after show parties etc.
Th and lured to go to Grown up restaurants he came too, he learn to sit properly childrens menus or comics. He learnt what activities to entertain himself with alone creatively while i did stuff at home then we did stuff together. We went on holidays to non kiddie resort's. We did exactly what We did before. As school age kicked in we did adapt our lateness a bit as we were out at midnight on school nights- rolled it in to 10.45😁. I now have a much younger child and whilst I don't do so much anymore she does exactly what I do or i want to do. Thereis always a way.its finding a mindset that will work for you as to know what's important for you as a person and the life you want.

To all those mums who cannot poo alone... does vaginal birth somehow destroy the bathroom door locks?

It's not easy to pee when there's a hysterical toddler banging on the door. Also, DD worked out how to open the door from the other side when she was 2.

You can’t

Have sex whenever you feel like it
Have sex at any volume above 0
Have a decent amount of nights out
Get up whenever you want at the weekend
Leave the house whenever you feel like it

Elfinaflower
Right with you there. Before DH and DC came along I was happy with wine for dinner, coffee for breakfast and a big Pret salad and crisps for lunch .
Bloody hate that every day we need milk, bread, cereal, lunch box stuff and a proper dinner . Jesus, if we run out of peanut butter the world has ended.

I have never understood this not going to the toilet on your own thing. It’s the biggest exaggeration ever. Just go when they’re playing/ sleeping/ partner is watching them... I mean I thing maybe twice my 2 year old has been in the toilet with me at home.

To all those mums who cannot poo alone... does vaginal birth somehow destroy the bathroom door locks?

A lot of the changes are short term. Ds is 11 and we still can't go out on a whim without him and a lot of my life is arranged around ferrying him about. That said, we all have hobbies and social lives. We don't really miss out.

You will never be free from worry again.

You will never be able to put yourself first. Your child/children will always come first.

Sleep.

I wouldn't say there was anything I couldn't do anymore. Things just needed more planning to sort out childcare.

Back in the day, I could get a phonecall at 11pm/midnight about a house party. I'd get up have a shower and be ready to go.

I couldn't do that when I had kids, but I didn't want to. I was far too tired.

So to answer the question... you can never, ever again fully relax

Mine are older now... the teen stage

So I can lie in because they're lazier than me and I can pop to the shop etc. So those things do get easier.

For me it's the worry and the guilt. Am I doing right by them, are they okay, will they be okay. It is constant.
My mum and dad say that never goes away. My sister and I are late 30s and my parents still have that guilt/worry thing going on.

"Big long lie ins, especially ones with OH where we'd wake up and have sex then go back to sleep for another hour!"

Morning sex! 😭

Dream. Literally.

I had my first dream that I can remember since having DD 4 years ago last week. She's a great sleeper but I must have got used to sleeping so lightly because I'm 'on duty' that my dreaming sleep is affected.

Spontaneity is the big one - I miss just nipping to the shops or going the pub for dinner or drinks after work or going to a gig because someone knows the bassist

Big long lie ins, especially ones with OH where we'd wake up and have sex then go back to sleep for another hour!

Going out with a small bag with just your phone, keys, purse and a lipstick. Now it's a rucksack with nappies, spare clothes, snacks, toys, water, more snacks....

Earn lots of money

I know plenty of parents Male and female who earn huge amounts of money.

You can’t be feckless anymore.

Unless you are my Ex

Be your own person. You belong to them now.

Oh yes, and for the first few years your diet comprises teeny bits of bland food, eaten standing up. Scraps of their dinner, basically. You’ll be too tired to make seperate meals. Adult ingredients like spices or rich sauces or fiddly protein will be laughable.

I remember a vivid dream I had when dd was about 3, of a restaurant that opened for parents only. They served ‘big food’- brontosaurus steaks, whole vegetables, spicy complicated sauces and exotic ingredients prohibited for Small People (patês, stinky cheeses, etc). Everything that could be flambéd at table was. Drinks were scalding hot. Parents went there to escape the half-congealed teaspoons of mash, soggy rusks and half-backwash orange juice that they basically subsisted on at home.