Do not go to a friends wedding.

i personally would not go i have severe anxiety panic attacks and social anxiety clusterphobia as well i am not very good with people or crowded places i wouldnt be able to cope. I am in the same boat as you and i also have transport difficulties as well i live in small rural town no transport after a certain time

I wouldn't want a friend to o come to my wedding if it would be horrendously stressful for them, OP.

Weddings are supposed to be fun, not an ordeal.

One friend of mine didn't come to my wedding and I'm assuming her anxiety was the issue although she never exactly spelled that out for me. Anyway never held it against her.

Another friend declined the invite because she's ideologically opposed to the institution of marriage, and although I was surprised, I didn't really mind about that either!

If your friendship is that longstanding, then surely she knows of the problem and would be understanding of why you can't go?

I would go to the ceremony then leave.

In all honesty, I'd just go to the ceremony and skip the meal! For someone with the amount of baggage you're taking, and social anxiety on top, the meal would probably be the worst part!
This ^^, although cancelling would be perfectly acceptable in my books given your circumstances.

I have severe social anxiety as well. Friends can be hard to come by in my situation so I’m guessing that is true for you as well. If this is a friendship you value, then you need to try to go. You don’t have to party the night away. Just make it through speeches, cake cutting and first dances.

This is what I am doing with an optional, but it’s really important I attend, out of state work party. I will be fine with the week of training and meetings, but the end of week celebratory party is absolute torture. Last year I threw up right before I left. I still went because my boss thinks these events are important and I want to keep my job. It lasts half a day, so I set myself a goal of 2 hours and then flee.

I am totally with you. I would cancel. I totally understand!

I am thinking of just going to the ceremony, meal/speeches/cake and make a swift exit before the drinking part.

I think that's a perfect compromise because if I did read it right and she's already had her hen do, it's far too late to let her down.

Has she only just told you your kids aren't invited?

Sounds pretty difficult without anxiety!

I think that if you could manage ceremony, meal/speeches/cake then that sounds great.

Well tbh that's what our wedding was!

No evening do for us!

Maybe just go to the meal? Or explain you have social anxiety.

However you decide to handle it is fine.
Do what is best for your health.

I’d go to the ceremony and skip the meal and the rest of it. She’ll appreciate that.

Please don't make things hard for yourself.

Just write to your friend (and send a gift) and tell her the truth. If she's a good friend, she'll understand.

Social Anxiety is crippling. I completely understand that you're struggling with the thought of going to this wedding.

I am thinking of just going to the ceremony, meal/speeches/cake and make a swift exit before the drinking part.

I think that sounds ideal.

I would message my kids nursery and ask if any of the staff would like to paid babysit. I know they do this...

I would attend, and I would take OH

In all honesty, I'd just go to the ceremony and skip the meal! For someone with the amount of baggage you're taking, and social anxiety on top, the meal would probably be the worst part!

I think going to the ceremony and meal and then leaving sounds like a good compromise. But I think you also have good enough reasons to drop the whole thing if you want to.

I find it hilarious that the OP detailed social anxiety so bad she struggles to open the door to the postman and the first poster assumes she’s indulging in centre of attention activities such as weddings and baby showers for herself 😂

OP also said she went to the hen do. as they are usually at night and include drinking I would assume a babyshower would be easier to attend so assume the poster was going along those lines.

If you are able to make the compromise you have suggested I think it's fantastic. If you were my friend and unable to make it because of your anxiety I'd completely understand.

I wouldn't be offended if you were my friend and didn't come. I'd understand.

Op you have two choices, either just attend the ceremony and leave afterwards, or don't go.

I don't have anxiety and would not want to go to this wedding!!

Be completely honest with your friend, she will understand, she has known you for a long time. Send a lovely present, and maybe ask one of the wedding parties to read something out from you during the speeches at the reception.

One of my friends didn't come to my wedding due to social anxiety, I completely understood. Be honest with her, explain you won't attend as you will simply be too uncomfortable. Who wants someone at their wedding who doesn't want to be there. Get her a nice present and card and if she is a good friend, she will understand.

I am thinking of just going to the ceremony, meal/speeches/cake and make a swift exit before the drinking part. This sounds like a great compromise. If you are having a good time, you can stay for a little longer (and you won't have wasted the meal) If the meal time chatter becomes too much, just pop off to the loo with all your stuff and do a runner before the speeches - the bride won't notice.

Could you slip into the back of the ceremony, and then slip out again before the bride and groom exit?

If so, I would go, but only to the ceremony. If there was no scope for a quick, quiet exit, then no, I wouldn't go. I'd send my apologies, a child-related excuse and a really nice present.

Be brave and go you will feel proud of yourself, go straight after meal, make sure you speak to bride and wedging party, have conversation planned open questions ready e.g love your hair did it take long?