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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask those in food service to please take requests for decaf seriously?

186 replies

EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 18:48

Ok before anyone says it, I know I could just not drink tea/coffee at all, and most of the time I don’t, but I love the taste and occasionally I really fancy a cup. And decaf exists for a reason right?

I’ve never been able to handle caffeine and it started giving me terrible headaches and migraines in my early twenties, so I gave it up for good. I can handle the small amounts in chocolate but have to be careful not to have too much (really dark chocolate especially can trigger something if I have more than a square or two) but tea/coffee/coke/Red Bull etc are completely out.

Anyway, on several occasions recently I’ve found myself ordering a decaf tea or coffee, triple checking with the person serving that it’s definitely decaf (usually getting an eye roll for doing so) and then winding up with a thumping headache an hour later anyway.

I was especially annoyed today because we ordered from a place that’s meant to be particularly good on allergens etc, and yet my ‘decaf’ coffee definitely wasn’t.

If you work in any kind of food service, AIBU to ask that you actually give someone decaf if they ask for it?!

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 01/06/2019 20:10

I agree; when I was pregnant and subsequently breastfeeding I sometimes wondered if I’d been given caffeine and whilst that might seem unimportant to some people it was very important to me

MsFenellaFielding · 01/06/2019 20:06

All I thought I was doing was serving people.

I don't have an plan to make you ill or upset.

Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:53

Yes exactly Lovebeingmama.

I saw a buzzfeed thread a while ago about ‘things Starbucks employees hate’ and one of the entries was something like ‘when people ask you three times if it’s definitely sugar-free/non-fat because heaven forbid they gain a pound’ and several of the replies were from people saying they actually check because the wrong order could make them seriously ill!

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bakedbeanzontoast · 01/06/2019 19:52

You often get baristas thinking I won't be able to tell if its not skinny milk...

I can!!

strawberrisc · 01/06/2019 19:52

Do what Carrie Bradshaw did with the parsley. Say you're totally allergic.

For dramatic effect tell them you left your Epipen at home.

Lovethetimeyouhave · 01/06/2019 19:50

I'm the same as you with regards to.the headaches and don't have any caffeine at all, I don't see why you would risk it?

CherryPlum · 01/06/2019 19:50

Thinking about it some more, it reminds me of buying clothes, when I get asked "did you want to keep the hanger?", I reply "no thanks", but they're not paying attention and still give me the hanger.

Same happens with "did you want a carrier bag?". They're not paying attention because it doesn't register in their mind as important, which is why I think you need to tell thdm you'll be very unwell if it's not decaf.

Lovebeingmama · 01/06/2019 19:48

I find it quite flippant when a few people involved I food service dismiss this as an ‘oops! It happens’ ...and saying how annoying the customer checking can be!
You’re in an industry where serving people food/drink that does not agree with them can have serious consequences.

MsFenellaFielding · 01/06/2019 19:42

I run a takeaway coffee shop and agree with BooBoo - you wouldn't be served, on purpose, caffeinated tea or coffee. Or milk you didn't request.

Mistakes do happen but hopefully not often.

Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:40

I've had similar when asking for skinny latte (while awaiting gallbladder surgery and any fat caused extreme pain about 30min after eating). I learned I had to watch them like a hawk when making drinks and more than once had to tell them to stop and make it again with red top.

That’s so bad too! How about we just serve people what they’ve asked for, wouldn’t that be lovely?

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Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:39

I seriously doubt anyone would serve you non decaf on purpose, oh and please don't triple check your order with us we really hate that lol

Yep and I’m sorry if it’s annoying but having a migraine for the weekend is more annoying I’m afraid!

I promise you it happens. I don’t think it’s ‘on purpose’ more that they just can’t be bothered sorting out a decaf when they have the regular stuff right there ready to go. The number of times I double (or triple!) check and the person goes ‘oh sorry I didn’t realise you wanted decaf’ means that I will keep checking I’m afraid!

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Lovebeingmama · 01/06/2019 19:38

I wouldn’t say they did it on purpose, but don’t give enough care and attention. It’s very obvious the difference between a decaf and caffeinated coffee, if you are sensitive. Trust me, it isn’t just fluctuation in decaffs.

User8888888 · 01/06/2019 19:38

I found this could be ropey when I was pregnant. Pret started doing stickers for decaf in my branch- not sure if that is standard now everywhere.

PhillipeFellope · 01/06/2019 19:37

I take my own tea bags everywhere. I've definitely been caffeinated by cafés before and then really struggled.

CherryPlum · 01/06/2019 19:35

I think, as you are that sensitive to caffeine, you need to tell them every single time that you will get very unwell if it's not decaf. Most places are very careful about allergies, or vegetarian food, or requests for halal etc whereas a strong reaction to caffeine like you have is so much more unusual, perhaps they're not taking it seriously enough because they don't realise what it will do to you.

Caffeine upsets my system so I don't drink coffee at all. I love tea but usually have a hot chocolate when out or sometimes decaf tea, but my reaction is not as strong as yours (being wiped out for the weekend etc.) and perhaps your condition is less widely known about.

booboo82 · 01/06/2019 19:32

coffee shops use different coffee beans , different strengths of coffee ect so decaf will be different wherever you go some maybe stronger than others I seriously doubt anyone would serve you non decaf on purpose, oh and please don't triple check your order with us we really hate that lol

milkjetmum · 01/06/2019 19:31

I've had similar when asking for skinny latte (while awaiting gallbladder surgery and any fat caused extreme pain about 30min after eating). I learned I had to watch them like a hawk when making drinks and more than once had to tell them to stop and make it again with red top.

Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:28

So would a fair conclusion be that IANBU to think it’s shit to knowingly serve me non-decaf, but also that IABU to take the risk in the first place?

That’s pretty much what I suspected Grin

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Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:25

I started the day with a breakfast in a cafe, asked for a decaf, checked with them it was a decaf when they brought it over. It wasn’t and wrecked my day. ☹️

That sucks! I sympathise.

I loved living in America for a while, requests for decaf just seem to be much more standard there. I especially love it in diners where the decaf filter coffee is almost always in a pot with an orange handle, so it’s instantly clear whether they’ve given you the right one!

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Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:22

If you're that sensitive to it then I still say yabu. You know the risks, and you took one. Sorry OP.

Yes that’s totally fair and this is why I hardly ever order it any more. But occasionally I find myself thinking ‘it’ll be fine, I’ll just make sure they know...’ and then it’s still 50/50 as to whether they’ll actually take it seriously. But I think I do need to give up and just have decaf at home (it’s just not the same though!)

I am lucky in that a mistake is only going to give me a headache, at least. I have a friend with a severe peanut allergy and she just avoids Thai restaurants completely because there are so many peanut dishes and she just isn’t willing to take the chance that they might not take her allergy seriously.

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Lovebeingmama · 01/06/2019 19:21

Yes, I have the same issue.
I have no problem with the odd cup of decaf, but a caffeinated coffee knocks me for six. Just takes one and I get palpitations too, feel shaky, disorientated etc. Followed then by a bad headache and anxiety.
I’ve stopped asking for coffee outside now, just won’t take the risk. I think some cafe staff just think you’re being fussy and don’t realise how it can affect some people.
Last week I had a day to myself. I was really looking forward to it. I started the day with a breakfast in a cafe, asked for a decaf, checked with them it was a decaf when they brought it over. It wasn’t and wrecked my day. ☹️

Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:18

The cafe where I work have been really bad in the past and I just never order coffee there now because I don’t trust them.

I’ve stood there asking them ‘this is definitely decaf yes?’ and they just sort of shrugged and it was only once I said ‘because if it’s not I will get really ill’ that they then sheepishly took it off me and make it again.

I know some of my friends have absolutely no reaction to caffeine at all and can go to bed and sleep like a log after several coffees with dinner. So I guess if the person serving is one of those people, they might not realise that decaf makes any difference.

Separate issue but I long for a good tiramisu... my friend has promised to make me one with decaf coffee one day but I’m still waiting! Grin

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WhiteRedRose · 01/06/2019 19:17

Take decaf teabags with you and ask for a pot of hot water instead of risking their teabags. Stop drinking coffee out.

Sorry, but I have autoimmune reactions to gluten and wheat. Mild but accumulative. I cannot risk trusting service staff unless it's in a specialist restaurant or cafe.

If you're that sensitive to it then I still say yabu. You know the risks, and you took one. Sorry OP.

Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:13

Surely if there was a label you’d check it, given how serious it is?

Yes I should, and I normally do, but in this case the labels were just plain black ones with no writing and it wasn’t until I Googled the particular brand that I realised their decaf teabags have bright blue labels.

And as I’d heard the waitress say ‘pot of decaf tea’ I foolishly just didn’t think to check. And I was too excited to be able to have a proper cup of tea with my scone Sad won’t be making that mistake again though!

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Original poster
EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 19:10

Also am surprised you find it easy to order decaf tea. I wouldn't expect anyone to sell decaf tea.

It’s not everywhere but not uncommon either. I only order it when I see they have it on a menu (I’d never just randomly demand it) which is why it’s then especially annoying when regular tea turns up.

Sorry if it sounds grouchy of me but I didn’t ask if IABU to order it, I’m asking if IABU to think that waiting staff should actually serve decaf if that’s what’s asked for?!

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