To ask those in food service to please take requests for decaf seriously?

And, it's also not that much harder to make a decaff where I work either, it's opening a packet rather than getting the beans from the grinder, in fact it's less mess tbh because the grounds are contained in the pod rather than all over the place like they are from the grinder. I'd rather make a decaff if I've just cleaned the coffee machine! 😁

But at midnight you find yourself lying in bed wide awake and buzzing

Personally a coffee at 5 would not make me "buzzing" at midnight as i have a high tolerance for caffeine. Im a bit when people claim they go shakey and are buzzing 7 hours after one cup of coffee as i wonder if they are just suffering from a "mind over matter" effect.
I dont mean this at you OP. Your intolerance sounds horrible and i think its ridiculous people keep suggesting you dont know your own body.

@EveryDayImHustlin

My question was in response to you saying that people question your knowledge on what you can/can't tolerate with regards to caffeine and regular/decaff tea and coffee (and a lot of that has gone on on this thread) and pointing out that a server may tell you decaff isn't caffeine free and the reasons why from my pov as someone who serves people drinks and food. I wouldn't be questioning what you can/can't tolerate, I'm trying to give you some information that I can't guarantee that the allergen isn't present - but sometimes the customer takes it that I'm lecturing them on their own allergy and that's really frustrating.
Fwiw in my previous post I said YANBU to want what you've ordered, and I stand by that. Regardless of the reasons for wanting it, and that society as a whole as well as the people serving need to start taking this kind of thing seriously because it can literally be life threatening.
And really, in order to ensure safety and no cross contamination, if you do have an allergy, you should inform someone serving you (in response to your friend getting a 'mini lecture' in one pp) because they can then take the precautions needed to prevent any cross contamination and make sure you're informed. It picks up mistakes like those cakes not having a nut allergy warning on them - yes it's not good they didn't have the warning, but surely it's better to check by telling them you have a nut allergy? They can then tell you what is and isn't safe. And anyone that gives you attitude for that is quite frankly in the wrong job, because it's so, so important.
I'm not trying to make you out as a bad customer, I think you should get what you ask for, and agree that if you're in doubt - check. I have no problems with someone checking with me if I've made a drink that's slightly different from the norm. I expect it tbh, because I'm not infallible and I might have made a genuine mistake, I'd rather someone check than I make them ill! I realise though that possibly, I'm in the minority here!
Sorry if I did offend, there was no intention to.

We have loads of intolerances in the family and often get restaurants making mistakes. My DS is very lactose intolerant so we have to be really careful ordering things we absolutely know are fine. They will make mistakes and it's not worth the risk. Alternatively bring your own tea bags and ask them to use them. I always let them know he is likely to vomit if they make a mistake that often works.

IME this is the problem with everyone becoming ridiculously picky in their ordering and claiming they have allergies when really they just don’t want something. I notice much more complacency these days and rarely eat out any more because of that (anaphylaxis to some nuts and seeds)

Trust me, I can drink decaf. I do wish people would stop doubting my knowledge of my own body sad I’m not the only one here who has said they can drink decaf with no problem but can’t tolerate the real stuff.

Do you feel that way when someone serving you points that out? I ask because I thought about how I served people who tell me they have an allergy to a certain food or ingredients and I will always point out that the item you're asking for still contains trace amounts of the allergen if it does. So in your case if you asked me for decaff coffee, because you have an allergy, I'd respond that decaff does contain caffeine, because it does. I have no way of knowing if one tiny particle can cause you major problems, or if you can tolerate the smaller quantities in decaff. I'd be quite annoyed to get a stroppy response in that scenario tbh, because I'm actually trying to give you information you might not know, to prevent a reaction. I've had it before where someone has ordered gf food, and the table has ordered a side of chips, at the time the gf fryer was out of action and we couldn't serve gf chips until it was fixed, I told the customer and got told off for telling her what she could tolerate, because the trace amounts from the fryer don't affect her like bread etc- um you've just told me you're gf, I'm not a mind reader, I'm warning you the chips aren't gf!

I don't understand why people still aren't getting it!

Caffeine issues can often be dose dependent. For me, I can tolerate small amounts, sometimes even a cup of tea if it's not going to be strong, but the more I have, the more unwell I feel. I get tachycardia and palpitations - in the past enough to hospitalize me for a few days. It's horrible.

So I minimize my exposure to it. If somewhere sells decaffeinated beverages then as long as that's what I get, I know I'll be fine.

I can't taste if something has caffeine in it, but I'll know in a few minutes if it has too much for me. I can tell the difference between decaf coffee and normal coffee because decaf coffee is a little bit shit in comparison. Decaf tea, unless it's yorkshire tea, or some really nice tea leaves I've found, tends to taste very shit, so I avoid that in cafes usually.

And traditional English tea has caffeine in it

EarlyBird39 maybe you should try RTFT before posting? OP has already clarified loads that she CAN handle decaf coffee

YABU. Ask for tea if you can't hold caffeine. Decaf is not caffeine free, just lower in caffeine than a standard coffee.

I understand how you know how caffeinated will make your body feel but i honestly didn't think there was a difference in taste?

My DH has been caffeine free for a few years now and never has this problem. He would know as caffeine gives him heart palpitations. He does also have a non-dairy milk, so maybe combined they remember.

We don't really drink at chain coffee places as Starbucks and Costa coffee is shit. Nero is always fine though. We mostly drink at local, independent coffee places. (in Yorkshire)

Perhaps you are sensitive to coffee in general and can not drink decaf anymore?

Also... a decaf latte still has 30 mg caffeine (says the link I gave). That's huge for someone quite sensitive. Best avoided completely

The link you posted says decaf coffee has between 7 and 30mg

So it probably averages at 18/19mg way less than the 300mg in in normal stuff.
I rarely drink coffee at all now but even I think somewhere between 7 and 30mg is an acceptable risk, and shouldnt set off a migraine.
Ok if it was deathly to me to drink it then yes I would avoid totally,. But I am human, I love coffee and I want to take the lowest risk. Decaf provides the lowest risk to me. If I get the decaf I ordered.

YANBU.
IME a lot of places don't take allergens seriously which is not only dangerous to the allergy sufferers but to the server and business. Where I work we do, but I do have a couple of observations that may help.
Order it yourself, and make it clear. I've had quite a few times, people returning with things that I've 'made wrong'. Well I haven't actually, I've served what's been ordered, but your diet or decaff or dairy free was forgotten or omitted by the person ordering. But it's far easier to blame the server than the person who ordered taking the blame. This happens at least weekly, despite me asking "diet or full fat" and getting "whatever" as a response, to have a gobful from the recipient of the drink and having to change it. Only once when someone ordered 4 of the same meal, without asking for gluten free, and it becoming apparent on delivering the food it wasn't gf, has the person ordering actually owned up to their mistake. Still changed without an issue but it made a refreshing change!
We also offer almond and soya milk. I offer either when asked for dairy free, again if ordering for someone else, check first, don't just shrug and say whatever and then accuse me of not doing my job if I give almond and they wanted soya.
Secondly, society as a whole needs to start taking this seriously. When we have someone who has a severe nut allergy at a function or staying, we remove nuts from sale as a matter of course. I've been laughed at, complained about and humiliated for refusing to sell nuts when we've removed them for that reason. I still don't sell them but I don't think it's an appropriate response to not being able to buy a packet of peanuts!

Servers are also at the mercy of the chef too where food is concerned. Please don't just assume that they have made the mistake, if the chef makes the mistake, we carry the can for that too. We do check with them, but we don't test it before we serve it.

I always have to double check that my coffee is decaff, often I go for the safe option and get a herbal tea instead as at least I know it's definitely safe. Caffeine is just one of many common foods & medicines I have had to eliminate as far as possible, as they can trigger my migraines, which look exactly like I'm having a major stroke. It's pretty much impossible to completely remove every trace of all of them though, as there are so many of them, my diet would be incredibly restricted & unbalanced if I removed them all completely. Not to mention boring.

Sorry, I thought you were suggesting they were doing it on purpose.

Absolutely! I have a little pukka tin designed for the purpose. I take teabags wherever I go. But cafes don't usually provide pots of hot water and there's no way MN would say they should!

I asked for hot water on a train once so I could use my own teabag and was told they couldn't. Suspect most cafes would say they same, they're not self catering.