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Original poster

AIBU to ask what’s the longest you’ve been without sex?

111 replies

JonSnowIsALoser · 13/05/2019 18:32

What’s the longest you’ve been without sex? What were the reasons? Did you cope with it OK? How? Or was it unbearable? Did you end up shagging someone random? Or waited for a new committed relationship?

I’m starting to miss it after 2 years of being happily sex-free (divorce in progress) and I’m feeling a bit lost to be honest. I’m in my mid-forties, is that it for me then?

OP posts:
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vapourtrail · 08/03/2026 08:31

This thread is 7 years old! I wonder if there are any updates from those who posted originally!!

For me it has been about 4 months but it wasn’t great so not sure that counts!!

Boomer55 · 08/03/2026 08:29

JonSnowIsALoser · 13/05/2019 18:32

What’s the longest you’ve been without sex? What were the reasons? Did you cope with it OK? How? Or was it unbearable? Did you end up shagging someone random? Or waited for a new committed relationship?

I’m starting to miss it after 2 years of being happily sex-free (divorce in progress) and I’m feeling a bit lost to be honest. I’m in my mid-forties, is that it for me then?

For two years, after my husband died. I really missed it. 🤷‍♀️

Dribblepop · 08/03/2026 08:08

A few years, back when I was single. I didn’t really miss it, I can take it or leave it to be honest.

welshgirl2025 · 08/03/2026 08:07

19 years and dont miss it a bit. I cant think of anything worse than having to share my bedroom with anyone other than my dog

shiveringtimber · 08/03/2026 08:06

Coming up for 15 years.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 06/03/2026 07:02

Thirteen years and I don’t plan to do it ever again.

I have had a lot of sex in my lifetime. Good, bad and indifferent. I just don’t have the remotest interest in it now, and haven’t done since becoming post menopausal.

I did have that peri surgery of hormones PP mentioned, when I was ragingly horny. Long gone now!

novasglowx · 06/03/2026 00:28

Almost 4 years now. Before that it was 3 years. I’m single.

truffleruffle · 05/03/2026 18:46

JonSnowIsALoser · 13/05/2019 21:29

Thank you everyone! Good to know my position is not as unusual as I thought, Flowers to those of you who miss it.

To answer a PP’s question, by ‘sex’ I mean an intercourse with a partner.

Toys are great - I discovered them recently. More satisfying and efficient that the ex. But alas they don’t give hugs, and are lacking on the sexy talk front.

I always thought I had a low libido, but it seems to have been the result of being on the pill for most of twenty-odd years. I’ve been off the pill for two years now as it is no longer necessary, and my hormones are gradually getting bonkers.

I’d love to hear more from you.

I agree it’s definitely the intimacy that I would miss if we didn’t have sex. Toys are fine but they don’t give a cuddle.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 14/05/2019 12:59

It's been since the very beginning of April for me.

I'm lucky if it happens once a month.

Longest I ever went without was several months in 2013 when I couldn't trust anyone.i mostly have no drive anymore but a lot of it is affected by being flirted with and certain behaviours and things, so without any of those things I don't even feel bothered except that I miss intimacy with my partner.

My m went through.menopause round 40 and dried up and didn't want sex ever again. My parents have separate rooms. Not everyone gets rampant.

ncdforthis · 14/05/2019 12:47

About 7 years, it's been so long that I don't really remember it to miss it or feel bothered now

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 14/05/2019 09:00

Just over a year in, DH was too unwell to do it any more. Now I am unlikely to ever have sex again, and I'm OK with that. I like sex, but without DH I don't feel any inclination.

PineappleTart · 14/05/2019 08:58

About two years, zero intimacy also. All whilst in a "happy" marriage. Tried for a long time to get him interested but realised it wasn't working. Destroyed my confidence and my mental health took a huge battering. At the lowest I hated who I was

StillCoughingandLaughing · 14/05/2019 08:43

Two months. Guessing from the physical evidence that it had been a while for him too. I practically needed a mop afterwards.

QueenBeex · 14/05/2019 08:42

Probably 8 months ish.

shiveringtimber · 14/05/2019 08:40

It will be eight years in November. I'm divorced and a full-time carer. The man I love is married to a dangerous narcissist and dares not try to leave her again. We went NC two years ago. I know I should move on but I can't do it. So am resigning myself to lonely, sexless, loveless old age. I'm 56 but honestly look ten years younger.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/05/2019 08:29

2 times

A year after dh died for obvious reasons

Then met a lovely man. Who took his time and think was 2/3mths into our relationship

Second time was when was preg. Was ivf and advised no sex for 12w then had placenta over cervix and consultant advised no sex due to possible bleeding and mc

And when you have taken 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf and £27k to get that one ever precious bfp and pregency you follow advice

Tho was hard as preg hormones even tho I suffered from hg I was very horny !!!

But wasn’t worth the risk

Ans no sex when doing ivf Incase get preg naturally with all the drugs

So prob 15mths in all

Making up for it now though 😂

ImTheCaddy · 14/05/2019 08:20

About 5 years and I don't really miss it at all. One day maybe but at this point I don't see myself ever meeting someone again.

StoatofDisarray · 14/05/2019 08:19

I'm 52 btw

StoatofDisarray · 14/05/2019 08:19

12 years and counting. My partner always had a low sex drive and since c. 40ish it's been non-existent. It made me unhappy until the menopause, but since my periods stopped my sex drive has plummeted and now we're both happy :)

DorotheaHomeAlone · 14/05/2019 08:17

About 4 weeks each time after my 2 c-sections. Was keen before then but a little nervous about my abdominal muscles and wanted lochia over. 15 years with DH and still very hot for him! I’ve always had a pretty robust libido though. Smile

JustBeingJobless · 14/05/2019 01:13

5 1/2 years so far, and genuinely couldn’t care less if I never do again! Libido went completely walkabouts after a brain injury unfortunately.

Birdie6 · 14/05/2019 00:46

8 years it's been . DH had a brain tumour removed 8 years ago - the tumour had resulted in total erectile dysfunction. I sometimes dream about shagging someone else - but I never would. I love him dearly and that's that really. I'm pretty good at "taking care of business" for myself these days.

SunflowerSuit · 14/05/2019 00:40

Just coming up to the two year separation mark, however probably didn’t have sex for a whole year before we split. I am absolutely fine with it and could happily never do it again. I am 49 and the thought of meeting someone new is so alien to me. I don’t miss it at all, can’t be bothered with the whole dating thing and will quite happily just carry on like this. I don’t masturbate either but never did pre-relationships, or during for that matter.

rejected2012 · 14/05/2019 00:33

7 years and counting single parent here. I sometimes fantasise what it will be to have it at least once a week but I know it will never happen . My friends wonder how I cope after so long. I hide my loneliness well 😭😭😭

KoalaTea · 14/05/2019 00:08

just under 2 years.

TBH i'm not quite sure how to go about jumping back on the wagon. I haven't been with anyone other than Ex in 18 years.. the thought of someone else honestly scares me!

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