In love with female teacher...

I know how you feel OP but I'm in love with one of my best friends. Have no idea how to stop it. No idea if she has any feelings for me but can't do anything as both with men for 15 years

You barely know her. Being honest, the only responses you seem to be reacting postitively towards are those suggesting that this may be more than a crush, relationship worthy stuff. If I were you, and I loved my husband and valued my marriage I would dial any interaction right down. No unnecessary text messages, and avoid school run as much as possible.

Perjoratively - yep.

Tragic.

So you’ve took a fancy to a woman you see in passing when she’s in work mode and you are questioning your sexuality over it? You don’t actually know this woman at all do you? Don’t risk your marriage over something so ridiculous.

Limerance

It's a common garden variety crush op, nothing special, just a crush.

Tell dh what? That you have a crush on someone? What would you hope to achieve by sharing that?

OP you see her for 20 minutes per week so with a normal school year that's maybe 10 hours? You don't know what she's really like which means it's easy to build up what you think she is like.

She could be abusive. She could be tight with money. She could have a secret gambling problem. She could be the most perfect woman in the world. You don't know her.

I have totally been in this type of situation. I really think it's more common than everyone thinks. I also wouldn't minimise it by saying it's just a crush. It's incredibly intense and real and meaningful. Personally I try not to ignore the feelings and I tell a very trusted close friend and spill all. I'd try to act normally with the person, neither avoiding nor going out of my way.
It may well be that she's gay and that you're picking up a vibe, that's usually the case with me.
I would enjoy the harmless fantasy (in your head) and not feel guilty about it as long as you don't act on it.
I find an obsession v all consuming and then after a year or so I notice it's gone. Has happened since I was a teen.

To begin with I don’t do judgemetal. I wouldn’t be concerned about issues with regard to your sexuality, it is not important. I was in my 30s before I realised (or, maybe acknowledged) that I was attracted to the softness of women as well as men and have had friendships with both. I’m not into the prefix labels and today simply regard myself as “sexual”.

So, you have met someone (let’s forget the gender thing) who you fancy like mad. In many marriages this happens, and we often fancy people we know comparatively little about.

Clearly your daughter needs to remain in this placement. Certainly this is no business of your Husband either. And yes, situations like this can set your insides bubbling. I would suggest, enjoying your fantasies and dreams, make them as sensual and lovely as you want to. But back in the real world proceed with caution.

In the past, I once misread the signals of someone (female) and it got very awkward.

Why is your DD teacher text/msgin you? I have 4 DC and never been personally contacted by a teacher, she's overstepping boundaries. Cut this off and consider moving pre school unless you want to end your marriage.

Tumbletee I don’t see how her being interested would make things more complicated? You aren’t planning on betraying your spouse are you? Regardless of your or her feelings acting on them would be an awful thing to do while still married.

Oh don’t say ‘it’s JUST a crush’

Why not? It is just a crush.

A crush can be overwhelming and it doesn’t matter how old you are.

It can, but it doesn't make it any more than it is, which is a crush.

Is there anything about her that you think might be lacking in yourself, if you had her attributes (could be her career, persona, style, interests, social standing, skills, passions, physique etc) do you think you would feel better about yourself?

I sometimes get a lady boner over unlikely crushes (despite being happily married) - but I think that surge of dopamine (as a PP nicely put it) is a quasi-sexual thrill about potential within me and who I could be if that makes sense?

I think you need to tell your DH. You seem sure that you want to and would cheat if the opportunity presented itself. Seeing his confusion and hurt might give you a wake up call. Unless you want to remain under this spell?

I have experience of a similar situation with my cousin and her DH. She left him. It was no “happy ending” for her children.

Stop the fantasizing and focus on your marriage.

I think you could be bisexual. If you were single, had the chance to rip her clothes off, and would, you probably are. It doesn't change anything about you, other than it means you're attracted to some women. Not all women obviously, but this one in particular clearly floats your boat.

The question isn't so much are you bisexual, as are you willing to leave your dp, to try sex wit women. If not, and you think you might cheat, distance from this woman, until the end of term, is probably your best option.

OP. I think you need to look at this from two angles. Firstly your sexuality, I don't think you should rush to put labels on yourself. Sexuality is fluid and you are having a healthy, normal experience.

Secondly, and probably most importantly is how you deal with the temptation you face. I think the answer is the same if this was a man or a woman. What's more important to you? Your marriage or her? If it's your marriage then I suggest you do your best to keep some distance until your DD goes to school.

When you text her is it strictly just about your daughter? Is she showing any interest in you in the msgs? Have you ever seen her out side of school?

If she turned around and told you she likes you and wants to give it ago, what would you do? Can you actually see your self divorcing your husband for this woman if it ever (very unlikely) came to it?

Oh and I wouldn't feel guilty about any dreams you're having, I think most of us have dreamed about another person whilst bring in a relationship, that's out of your control.

You need to do what's best for you anyway op. If you do send your other child to a different school then you could text the teacher and tell her you're interested in meeting for a drink, if she says no then at least you'll never have to see her again anyway. But could you do that to your husband?

OP I really wouldn’t risk your marriage for a lady you have only ever spent a maximum of 10 minutes with. You don’t know anything about her

The falling for a woman after only having had het relationships is not uncommon. It happened to me - happily married with two young children and bam! Met a woman, it was like I was bewitched - became utterly besotted with her - fell in love and here we are 13 yrs later married to each other. Never been the least bit interested in any other woman just her.
A woman in my town fell in love with a female teacher at her kids' school - they had a relationship that lasted a few years. They were both single though at the time.
I can totally understand your intense feelings - when I met my now wife it was all consuming - I didn't know what was happening to me. I was a sensible calm rational wife and mother who completely lost her head - never imagined anything like that happening to me. But it did.

^ Wise words from Loopy who said what I was thinking.

I think her gender is irrelevant. For whatever reason, from a biological point of view, this person is triggering huge dopamine surges in your brain. Thing is, these don't last - usually a few months at most. It can be a basis to start a relationship, but it's not some magic destiny ( despite what rom-coms would have you believe). What you have with your husband is a partnership that has been carefully built with trust and time. Don't jeopardise that for the sake of a biological urge. If you are really not happy in your relationship, end it before getting embroiled with anyone else.

Ah I googled. I thought you were being coy and just referring to initials 😳