to be upset my dad bought me a nightie from asda for my birthday?

actually - I only read the OP - sorry about your step mum issues.

This is your dad - hence male and old. You don't think he could be an innocent victim of mad present-i-tis? I had a boss who bought me a 'forever friends' (you know, the teddy bears) book . And my dad bought me a grey rucksack (which he 'borrowed' immediately) for my 16th. Perhaps your dad usually relies on women in his life to do presents and such, and had some old fashioned idea that a nightie was a sure winner?

I'd give him a break - it''s not a masculine kind of snub.

canmummy he sounds like a selfish wanker

I know this doesnt help you but the way he treats and makes you feel it seems like you would be better off with no contact at all.

Do you think your stepmother may be jealous of you?

My father's a wanker am still waiting on some sort of acknowledgement from him that he has a 19 month old grandson. Nevermind, I have a lovely family, who give me more than enough love. Chin up canmummy, at least you got a gift.

reading this I can see why you're upset You must feel frustrated too, not knowing what to do? I'd be so sad too.

canmummy

I can understand how you feel, i don't have a good relationship with my dad. My DH also finds it hard to understand why my dad has choosen not to have much to do with his children.

Is it possible that your dad is feeling guilty about how he is treating you, so he try's to ignore you (sorry if that upsets you). So he see your brother/step brothers as he doesn't have the same feeling towards them so it is easier for him iyswim.

Have you tried writing a letter to your dad?

It sounds like you are starting to miss both.

My DH's dad sends us all cards with money. But he never sees his grandbabies or his children by his choice. I would rather have the visits than the presents.

Sorry canmummy - wasn't meaning to hijack so light-heartedly. There is clearly much more than a cheap nightie going on here. Have you challenged him about his attitude. I would feel devastated if my father made me feel so rejected.

Ooh kookaburra! A sonic screwdriver cheap!! Yeah. DD really wants one and I'm buggered if I'm paying £10 for that piece of plastic soon-to-be-broken tat.

Canmummy, poor you

What's really going on?

Can you talk to him about feeling left out?

YANBU really, but from someone in my position it does sound like you should be grateful your dad even remembered, never mind got you something into the bargain.

so its not the present thats the problem is it? sometimes when we have a problem with the person that bought the present in the first place we look to slag it off iyswim. you obviously have much wider issues with your dad and that horrible for you. what is it that gets you so upset?

It's very hard, isn't it, however old we get, we're still their children at heart, and want to know we're the most important things in their lives - as we feel about our own children. It's hard to realise that they love us, but have a different way of showing it.

But CanMummy seems to have other things worrying her - like why has he become so careless of her over the past year. What has changed in that time?

My dad hasn't even so much as bought me a card in years, never mind a present. He asks me to remind him when the family's birthdays are, which I do, including my twin db's who he buys for, yet he forgets me. Every year I take him xmas shopping for his dgc and he spends lots of money on them (£30+ each), but only about £5 on my dc. I remind him ds1 has his birthday a few days after xmas, but he won't buy him a present because he 'doesn't need any more so near to christmas'. It does seem unfair.

Every year, like you I spend time, effort and money on him for birthday, xmas, father's day etc. I used to get upset too, but over the years I've decided that that is the way he is and he's not going to change. I've gradually learnt to accept it, only rarely does it upset me now. Like you, its not the monetary value that bothers me, its the thought that I don't seem to care that much to him anymore. But then maybe in his eyes I'm all grown up now, and don't need to be cared for anymore. I guess I've learnt to stop judging him by my yardsticks, ie I show people I care eg, by remembering birthdays and buying gifts, just because he doesn't do it back, doesn't mean he doesn't care.

I know the logical solution, but haven't actually done it yet: spend less on him each year, and with the money I save, I should treat myself to something special in lieu of a gift from him. Sorry to waffle, but hth.

I wore an ASDA dress in a upmarket sports club one day and a woman was in rapures over it. So I told her it cost a tenner and she was completely nonplussed - presumably thought I meant 10k.
ASDA is great where else can you pick up a DR Who sonic screwdriver for less than 2/3 the price in woolworths and a 'designer' gown @ the same time. Good on our dad for not wasting your inheritance

Oh Canmummy, it's not just the nightie or the cost, is it? Do you feel like he's cutting you out of his life? That he doesn't really think about what would please you any more? What has he done today to make you cry?

Mind you, the aftershave sounds just eccentric !!! My dad once gave me a large, ceramic dustbin - but then he IS eccentric.

I think it is a good thing that your dad hasn't thought about your breasts when choosing a nightie!

I go round the supermarket all the time and think OMG I need a present for such and such. Even, on some occasions, my dad, wouldn't take it personally IIWY.