MIL Rant - so know I probably am not being unreasonable

Or you could tell her that you;ve seen the midwife and they've out you back for a week - something to do with getting the dates wrong - god aren't these bloody midwives useless etc etc!!!! That way you'll get a whole week to yourselves!!!

Bloody stupid woman!

No - the Homerton in Hackney!

My Mum was also taking care of DD1 when I had an emergency LSCS, we asked her to bring DD1 along to meet her new little sister, but if she wouldn't mind going for a cup of tea for half an hour or so, so that we could just have time with both our DD's saying hello to each other. This worked really well and also meant that DD1 as the big sister could introduce her to Grandma.

I am really annoyed for you. I think rellies shouldn't visit until invited. I definately wouldn't visit until I'd made sure the parents and baby were ready. When my niece was born I was the first to visit and that was 12 days later. It is a really special time for you and your partner to bond with the baby. As for the going to see the baby not you thing, that's plain rude - treating you like a baby carrying vessel. Grr.

My colleague is having similar probs. His wife is now 9 days overdue and his parents have announced they're coming to stay for the weekend. What's that all about?

helenhismadwife - the ward I was on had visiting hours from 9am to 9pm for partners only (with a 2-hour no visitors rest period from 1pm - 3pm) and normal visiting hours from 3pm to 8pm. During the partner only period (and throughout the night) the door was locked and visitors had to be buzzed in but during the afternoon normal visiting hours the doors were kept unlocked and the midwives' station was in the middle of the very large ward and not near the door. There was also a security man outside and down the corridor to man a few wards but I think he was there to ask questions if he spotted anyone removing a baby from the ward (we had to hand to him a discharge note when we left with DD) and not to ask questions of anyone entering wards.

Could you lie and tell her its a different hospital?!

and unless baby needs to go to special care they are not taken away from mothers

guitargirl it is very unusual for a hospital to leave doors open even at visiting times this is a huge security issue, at all the places I have worked the visitors have to buzz to get in and say who they are visiting

Put in your birth plan that if your baby has to be separated from you (for example if you unexpectedly need a general anaesthetic which can happen even with an elective section) that the only person they are allowed to see before you is dh (and dd if you would like that). It is important that your dh knows this too so that he can make sure this happens.

My mil is also very 'now you have ds we're not interested in seeing you - only him' attitude which is all very well but the 2 of you come as a package and you will have had major surgery.

As long as dh agrees with you (which it sounds like he does) then let him talk to your mil - whether he wants to be honest and tell her you don't want to see her till the next day or make up an excuse thats up to him (as long as he tells you the excuse so you can go along with it!!)

It really annoys me that people think they can dictate when they will see you - I would personally never even dream of going to visit a new mum without first checking that it was OK. I had an emergency section with ds and although my recovery was pretty straightforward I was knackered and hormonal and although visiting for anyone other than partners and your children was limited to 1 and a half hours twice a day it was exhausting. I think this time I will say no visitors apart from immediate family until we get home. If I have a elective this time (undecided yet) then I will chat to dh about who we tell the date to first!

When I was in Recovery after my section the baby was on the ward with DH (he said it felt like forever!). May be as well to check what your hospital's procedure is?

Where do they think the baby is going to be whilst you are in recovery? It's my understanding that unless there are complications the baby will be with you the whole time. I had an emergency CS and DD was never out of my sight even whilst I was in recovery.

I wouldn't rely on the midwives on the ward to keep visitors away. It depends on how the ward is set up. Where I was the doors were open during visiting hours which was all afternoon and visitors could come and go as they wanted, the midwives were too busy to patrol who was coming in, the only thing they were strict about was not too many to a bed. They did also enforce the 'no children unless the patient's' rule though.

Good luck in sorting it out, it's so difficult isn't it and definitely not what you need at the end of your pregnancy.

I didn't have a c-section but can't believe that pil's or even parents assume it's ok to visit uninvited.

This is one of the times in your life that you can have things the way you want imo. Forget about upsetting people - it's you who's going through the c-section. Just wait and see how you feel afterwards and have vistors when you feel ready. When I had my ds by c-section I thought I'd miss my dd terribly, but actually when it came to it I knew she was quite happy with her dad and I really enjoyed having time alone with the new baby with short visits from dh and dd. It would have been horrible if that had all be spoilt by constant visitors. As soon as you are home life will be busy so I would advise you to get some peace and quiet in hospital.

Good Luck and let us know how it goes!

Because she hadn't heard if the baby had arrived yet or not, my Mil actually came into the ante room and I could see her from where I was lying in theatre, mid C section!!! I was livid and the nurses had to ask her to leave.

No reasons to add other than what has already beens aid, but YANBU in any way, shape or form. Stick to your guns.

Also its fabulous you wish to treasure your dd seeing her sibling first (i definitely would too). Could you make this clear to dh? otherwise it will make you feel even more stressed.

Yanbu.
They can wait. Your dh needs to let them know that you would llike your dd to see the baby first. I find it incredible that they can't just bloody wait a day or so tbh.

poor you, I had the same situation with a scheduled c section, where the PILs arrived the night before and planned to set up camp in the hospital. I got in a right stress but got dh to tell them NOT to come to hospital until they were told to! Mine was a first baby, so really wanted to see my parents first.

Also, was in recovery for 3 hrs as well as c sec being delayed so it would have been stupid for them to have done a "stake out"!

I regretted getting so stressed about it, but wished they hadb't put so much pressure on. Scheduled c sec felt odd enough without having to coordinate visitors!

Good luck on Friday, just let dh/dp handle it for you!

excuse shite typing that should of course say if you're planning to bf.

Tell her if she doesn't respect your wishes you wont let her see it at all

(that was a joke before people get outraged)

Or have them write it in your notes that baby is to stay with you, esp if you plan to nbf then you'll need it to stay with you.
Wierd saying it, do you know what it'll be???

bloomin eck, why are people so unbelievably heavy-footed about this? don't care how eager they are to see the baby!

liesel, what happened with your first child? no wonder you are worried if it happened before?

If they have a white board near the nursing station with patients names allocated to bay numbers/rooms etc, get them to write "no visitors/no information to be given without checking with patient" by your name - or get dh to do it to ensure your privacy and wishes are respected. Ar you going to breastfeed ? This is a brilliant excuse for wanting to block/delay unwanted visitors.

I think your DH needs to have a very clear conversation with your MIL, and impress upon her how you want your DD to be the first visitor.
This is a completely reasonable request, and if she does not think it is, that really is her problem, not yours.
Your feelings about this situation should take precedence to hers, and if she is determined to be awkward, that is up to her.
You shouldn't have to be worrying about this in the last few days of your pregnancy.
I hope all goes perfectly on Friday.