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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at how DP 'proposed' to me?

88 replies

FireFaerie · 13/07/2007 09:05

Sorry, this may be a little long winded..

Last night he got a bit drunk, i came back from work with a few little pressies for him (Cherry pie and a keyring i saw and thought he'd like) He then ignored me whilst chatting to 2 of his friends on the phone and then nagged at me to get in the shower so he could get on the computer. When i came from the shower in my towel, feeling tired and a bit cheesed off that me efforts had gone to waste, plonked myself down in my chair and made a bit of a comment about how cheesed off i was....

He then got down on the floor infront of my chair, told me to close my eyes whilst sliding one of his HUGE barbed wire looking rings from his finger, and said 'Ive got a question that i dont think your expecting' and then asked me to marry him..
I probably wouldnt be so miffed but he proposed to me a few times when we hadnt been together that long and i explained to him that as i already had a child i wanted to make ABSOLUTELY sure that we were doing the right thing, and that if and when he felt the need to propose later on in our relationship i expected him to do it completely sober. Weve spoken about it loads and always went on about how romantic it could be etc etc...
Am i being a mean and sour faced bitch? Do i expect too much from him?

I think this is probably the only place where im going to get some hardcore honest answers.
I said yes by the way, but did also say that i wish he hadnt of had a drink. He then passed out downstairs an hour later.

OP posts:
LittleLupin · 13/07/2007 12:50

JV, it was mid-morning, and the beginning of March, but it was a lovely clear crisp day...

JeremyVile · 13/07/2007 12:44

Oh and FF, i dont think you are being unreasonable at all. I think he has been u tad unreasonable though. The one thing you asked, that he be sober when proposing, he didn;t do which has now taken a bit of the rosy g;low off for you.

But the main thing is that you both want to get married and it sounds like thats the case so congratulations!

mytwopenceworth · 13/07/2007 12:40

I don't think you are being unreasonable as such, you sound more disappointed that the way you had pictured a proposal didn't happen.

But what matters is not how he proposed, it is that he wants to be married to you.

In any case, it's better than mine, which went like this.....

We'd known each other for about a month btw -

Me "hahaha, X was saying we should get married"
him "Hmmm, we could think about it if we're still togther in a year"
Me "I suppose so"
Him "Although, we don't have to wait if we don't want to"
Me "Eh?"
Him

Me "Oh, I guess, oh, ok yeah, let's do it, why not"
Him "Great"

We got married 2 months later!

So really, I proposed to him. Sort of. I think. I mean, I brought it up.

I'm not really sure.

JeremyVile · 13/07/2007 12:40

Did someone mention a proposal on the steps of Sacre Couer?

How very bloody dare you?

If i were the type to get all gooey eyed at the thought of a 'perfect' proposal, which i am not btw, then that would be the setting. Warm summer evening, gold and orange sunset, the sound of the Nuns singing drifting outside......

NOT that i've thought about it, OH NO, NOT ME, like i said i'm not that type of person....

LittleLupin · 13/07/2007 12:24

Peachy, a female colleague once asked me all coyly (the Monday after Valentines Day) "so, did he pop the question?" to which I replied "urgh, no cheeeeesy!"

The look on her face told me what day she had got engaged on - whoops!

Countingthegreyhairs · 13/07/2007 12:09

Ahh .. in vino veritas ...

Peachy · 13/07/2007 12:04

Congratulations

sounds like nerves tbh. Dont complain too much to him (break his heart!)- be happy!

Dh proposed to me naked by the side of the bed on St Valentines- a year to the day i turned down an ex as he well knew! Nonetheless it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Mum and dad only got married at all as the landlady needed to see a wedding cert before they got their tenenacy (was 1968 in Somerset LOL), they've been married 40 years next year. Romance isn't everything, love and commitment is.

Original poster
FireFaerie · 13/07/2007 11:59

There are some REALLY wonderful proposals on here! And some slightly less imaginative ones... most have lead to happy endings, i hope our story has one of them too.. thats all i want, really

OP posts:
LittleLupin · 13/07/2007 11:58

PMSL potoroo

OrmIrian · 13/07/2007 11:56

Congratulations!

My DH proposed in a noisy Irish bar in Camden. And he only did it because his mate had asked his gf to marry him and they were veru competitive .

I recently found the letter my dad wrote to my mum back in 1954 when he asked her to marry him. Something dead romantic along the lines of 'There's something I've wanted to ask you for a while. I've been thinking that it might be a good time for us to get married'

suezee · 13/07/2007 11:51

i got a proposal in the back of a big black cab after we'd been out.....both worse for wear so at the time i thought it was fab

potoroo · 13/07/2007 11:49

DH proposed on the way to the registry office. He wanted to be sure I was going to say yes

MrsScavo · 13/07/2007 11:44

Oooh! Little Lupin, just read your post. I think the steps of Sacre Coeur is by far the msot romantic place to be proposed to. Luck you!

Original poster
FireFaerie · 13/07/2007 11:41

Thank you all for your responses, i REALLY appreciate it!
Im being a wee bit unreasonable, I thought as much..
I do love him, i want to marry him, spend the rest of my life with him. I suppose i know im being unreasonable to a certain degree.
My main problem is that he was actually so drunk that when i asked him to come to bed he went 'yea, im coming' and then fell asleep in the chair. It was the drink.
He knows that i wanted a SOBER proposal. That was my only real dream. When he used to propose when we had only been together a month up until about 4 months, it would only be when he was quite plastered. Hes not a 'raging drunk' but he does drink a little excessively, (i probably do too to be honest) It is something we are cutting back on.
I am happy, im thrilled that its something he wants to think about again, i must have really hurt him when i kept knocking him back, but why only when hes drunk? and as for the romance id just kind of liked it if he had planned it. he did tell me it was something that just popped into his head so he got on the floor.
The notion is wonderful, the method, not so..
I may seem like a sour faced cowbag, but im just trying to sort it out in my head how i actually feel about all of this. Sorry for using you all as 'the helpful voices of reason'

OP posts:
milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo · 13/07/2007 11:41

My BIL proposed to my sis by the frozen pea aisle in ASDA . Didn't get down on one knee just said 'I guess we should get married now'.

LittleLupin · 13/07/2007 11:31

OOh, I know another one.

My friend had planned this great proposal. He booked her favourite restaurant, the band were primed to play "their song", he was going to go on one knee by the window in front of this fantastic view of Manhattan.

He had the ring in his pocket when he went to collect her from work. He was reeeeally nervous. They were stuck in midtown traffic when she suddenly said "oh hey, I got you something" and handed him a tie. He blurted out "I got you something too" and thrust the ring box into her hands . Not quite what he had intended!

Lolly68 · 13/07/2007 11:10

At least he meant it! My BF has proposed loads of time whilst drunk and when i mention it the next morning he just grins and doesnt say anything!

Congrats by the way

MonkeyandBabyBoo · 13/07/2007 10:24

Congratulations FF.

My DH proposed while we were in bed IYKWIM.

Not quite what I had in mind but memorable nonetheless.

FioFioJane · 13/07/2007 10:24

my husband proposed to me after drunken sex

we will have been married 10 years ina few weeks time

give the guy a break

Countingthegreyhairs · 13/07/2007 10:22

Congratulations FireFaerie! I think it's entirely reasonable to feel a bit cheesed off about the manner of his proposal, but if you really love him and want to get married, then you'll forgive him I reckon!

My dh and I (for lengthy reasons to do with his family and our respective jobs in different countries) had been going out for eleven years (!) before he popped the question. We were sitting in a seedy pub corridor by the lavs, the night after my cousin's wedding and he just looked at me and said "Well, how about it then?" I can't say I was over-impressed but we've been happily married for 14 years now ....

Just make sure he takes you out for a slap/up lunch today and spoils you a bit ...

wannaBe · 13/07/2007 10:20

my bil proposed to my sil at someone else's anniversary party, in front of everyone. told dh I would have killed him if he'd done that.

A girl I used to work with went for dinner with her bf, he'd pre-arranged with the restaurant to have everything made into hearts, the bread, the vegetables, a heart shaped flower arrangement on the table .. you get the picture. And then he hid the ring in her dessert. To me that would be vomit inducing but for some romantic obviously.

My dh proposed on a beach in florida. he didn't dare buy a ring because he knew I would love going shopping for one. perfect, and we had our 8th anniversary on Tuesday.

Wilbur · 13/07/2007 10:19

Well, I told dh to rephrase his proposal as I didn't think "Shall we get married then?" was quite what I had in mind! In his defence, we were in an incredibly romantic location though, if not looking our best. We smelled quite bad too.

I do know what you mean, FF - it's nice to have a romantic memory of these things. Perhaps you can restage it - go to a nice restaurant and have him give you a proper ring (if you are getting one), so you both can enjoy it again. But most of all, congratulations!!

EffiePerine · 13/07/2007 10:17

On a serious note, think you have to address this 'perfect romantic moment' thing before you get married - small step from the perfect proposal to the perfect wedding day and the perfect life together - sorry but it aint going to happen! We're all imperfect and a shiny romantic surface can mask problems underneath ... be honest with each other and relise that you life together is the important thing, not the set occasions

zipparydoodah · 13/07/2007 10:14

and yes, I have changed my name ours isn't a proposal that all our family know about!!!

zipparydoodah · 13/07/2007 10:13

First of all CONGRATULATIONS!

My friends dh took her to rome and proposed by the vatican (she is catholic so this meant a huge deal to her)

Another friend'd dh proposed on their favourite sand dune in a place they both love as the sun went down....

My dh proposed when we got horrendously drunk at my cousins wedding and we were watching porn in our room.....

We've all been married four years now and are still as happy as when were first got together.

Each to their own

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