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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 10pm is too late to visit someone with children?

61 replies

BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 09:27

My dh has a friend who I humour and he and his wife come to ours every monday.It started of being at 7pm but has got later and later and now is 10pm plus.They stay for 2-3hours.
I asked my dh to have a word about making it earlier and then last night he got a text saying 'its okay we know that its (insert my name) who doesn't want us to come round' The same text got sent 3 times and it was ONE in the morning.He then rang and hung up at 3am.
I am 32weeks, have a 1 and a 7 yo and my hips feel like they are on fire with the pain.At 10pm I want to be in bed.I have to be up at 7am as does dh.
I have hinted at this to his wife previously (not in a subtle way) but she goes along with her dh so no backing from her.
I feel as though I am being made to look like the baddie but I don't think I am.
AIBU to just ban them from my house now as I really can't be arsed entertaining them at midnight+ once the baby is here?
It is making me really stressed and I could not sleep last night due to him being a dickhead and texting/ringing at two hour intervals.(He rang last Sunday at midnight and I told him not to do it again as I think its bad manners-he obviously did it on purpose this week then imo)
What should I do? Today is the dreaded Monday!!!

OP posts:
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Strawberryfair · 10/07/2007 12:40

Brilliant, I love happy endings! I was delighted to hear your husband is helping you sort out this problem - family comes before so called friends. Good luck for the rest of the pregnancy.

blobsmummy · 10/07/2007 11:57

good news all round - excellent!

NineUnlikelyTales · 10/07/2007 10:24

Excellent news

Kewcumber · 10/07/2007 09:25

Hurrah - a happy ending!

Original poster
BHANNAE · 10/07/2007 09:12

Oohh Ladies,

Thanks for all your responses

They didn't come round last night and hopefully never will again.Was in bed with everything off as early as poss last night!

I spoke to my step-mum and she said not to even reply to the rude text or rise to the fact he was trying to make me look unreasonable. She was right-he will probably be more peturbed by the lack of response and oppotunity to get arsey.

My dh and I had a lovely night and I felt so relaxed knowing that even if they came, they weren't coming in.

He has decided (off his own back-plus I showed him your replies ) to let his friendship fizzle out with these people and I am happy with this. He only takes Monday and Tuesday night off each week atm so it will be great to spend some time together before the baby comes

Am at the hospital today for another growth scan and am confident that my bp will be normal this week lol.

Many thanks for all your replies, it really helped for my husband to see that I wasn't just being pregnant and over emotional about it.

OP posts:
pyjamaqueen · 10/07/2007 08:55

They sound awful. My tip is switch off mobiles before going to bed, even unplug the landline.

compo · 10/07/2007 08:54

blimey, they sound like awful people.
Do they really expect you to welcome them with open arms after that?
How does your dh know them?

missgriss · 10/07/2007 08:53

What a pair of freaks! I hope you got rid of them sharpish last night.

My grandad used to go out the room when he had guests who had outstayed their welcome, and come back in 5 minutes later in his pyjamas whilst setting his alarm clock It dropped a rather heavy hint

mumto3girls · 10/07/2007 08:50

I would go to bed and leave DH to deal with it. And I'd also ask him to inform them thjat their texts at 1am were both inconsiderate and rude!

Did they come round last night?

Strawberryfair · 10/07/2007 08:46

Poor you! What is your dh thinking of letting his friends treat you and the family like this, especially when you are pg. Why have these friends got to come to you? Is it because of the children? Tell your dh to be a man ...sorry, to be blunt. He needs to protect his family from these awful people. It is not right to put you through this stress when you are pg and not fair to either of you, to be kept up so late when you have an early start in the morning. To telephone at 3am and wake the children - unbelieveable!!!! These are not friends in anyones book!!

FrannyandZooey · 10/07/2007 08:40

They do sound very bizarre indeed. I must be terribly rude, I usually have no difficulty whatsoever saying something like "Well we are off to bed now so we will say good night and see you another time."

Leati · 10/07/2007 08:37

I think the situation may have been fixable if they hadn't been so rude after you asked them to come earlier. Tell you hubbie he needs to get rid of them. Because while you may have originally just wanted them to visit ealier, now you don't want them to visit at all.

jaynehater · 10/07/2007 08:24

How did it go, how did it go?

Kewcumber · 09/07/2007 21:20

So....

Are they coming tonight then?

blobsmummy · 09/07/2007 13:39

Oh poor you! Would echo others that have said just to go to bed and let DH deal with it - you should not have to go through the stress of this each monday. I'd agree with getting the phone calss blocked as well - that's stalking, not friendship. Let us know how you get on tonight - thinking of you xx

Oblomov · 09/07/2007 12:16

Yeah I'm in bed by 9.30 and we only have ds and he has slept through for yonks. Tell these horrible people where to go. Tell your dh to go to dinner at theirs. Then you can have a bath at home and an early night. Lovely

ruddynorah · 09/07/2007 12:09

wtf?!

why are you putting up with this? why is your husband accepting such rude texts from them? he needs to have words. these are not friends. don't answer the door to them in future if it's afetr 7pm.

kittywits · 09/07/2007 12:05

These are NOT friends. Get rid pronto.

mawbroon · 09/07/2007 12:03

PMSL babies everywhere. We posted at exactly the same time!!

BabiesEverywhere · 09/07/2007 12:02

If you DH's inists on keeping in touch with these weridos,what about you and your DH going around to their house instead of them coming to see you. That way you can have a reasonably short and early visit and then go home at a reasonable time. Either take your kids with you and have a very early finish or get a babysitter.

If they come around again to yours...I would be honest and say it is 10pm, I'm heavily pregnant and tired, I'm going to bed. See you next week, if you get here before my bedtime. Go upstairs and get your DH to sort his 'friends' out

mawbroon · 09/07/2007 12:02

I'm desperately trying to think of a compromise here but the best I can think of is that maybe your DH should go to their house instead. Then after a couple of times he could make excuses and cancel and hopefully the whole thing might fizzle out. And of course you can't come with him (shame, eh? )because you need to look after your children. Is that a possibility?

CoffeeCrazedMama · 09/07/2007 11:52

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying very politely at the time you need to go to bed, 'Well I'm sorry everyone, I'm knackered, baby, early start, etc etc, really must go to bed. Lovely seeing you, good night.' I have always done this since having children when friends of dh outstaying my welcome, and has never caused offence. (I think ) And being so pregnant it is totally excusable (do the weary little back or bump rub as you speak!)Yes they may probably stay til the small hours still, but it is then dh's problem, not yours.

Also, re phone calls - get BT 'Choose to Refuse' and block his number!

DaisyOink · 09/07/2007 11:49

They sound like complete weirdos. Ban them.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 09/07/2007 11:28

That's a fantastic idea! ring them and hang up every time you wake up for a feed

MINNIE1 · 09/07/2007 10:48

Hugs BHANNAE, Are they for real! I agree with you going to bed at 9.30 cuddle up to DH and let them ring away. 10pm is my bedtime and i'm not even pregnant.
You can ring him at 3am when your doing night feeds and see how he likes it!