Men playing hard to get

Whilst he sounds a bit of a player, you don’t exactly come across well. Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, he just doesn’t fancy you...... I know that might be a shock, you being a 9/10 and all that

Maybe he thinks his ex-girlfriends were more attractive than you and that’s why he hasn’t asked you out. Maybe he thinks you’re pretty but doesn’t actually find you attractive

Who knows, but if he’s not bothering to make contact with you then he’s not interested. I wish i’d realised that when I was acting like you at 18 minus the shallow attractiveness scale and over inflated opinion of myself

“He did tell me that he had a bit of a reputation at university for attracting/mopping up the more homely girls.”

I would not want to be in the same county as someone who said this out loud let alone a relationship. Grading women like they are meat in a butcher shop window, do you not want better for yourself OP?

This guy is not some sensitive, shy soul waiting for the "right" woman to heal his damaged heart. He is type that keeps a list scoring their performance out of 5 stars and tells his mates about the totty he pulled last night and tossed out in the morning, probably describing her as a munter. Wake up to yourself. In a few years time this guy will be the sleaze sitting at the bar in the night club trying to pull girls young enough to be his daughter, chatting about bands they only ever heard their dad and his mates talking about. Hard swerve now.

Reader, I mended him.

What about:

'Reader, I stopped texting him, and he never contacted me again, because of the Wall Around His Heart Hiding His Deep Inner Vulnerability. Not because he thought I was a 3/10, definitely not.'

Him being a 8/10 and his exes being a 6/10 is incredibly subjective. One mans trash and all that...

You don’t sound like a 30 odd year old in this post at all. Find someone worthwhile, you shouldn’t have to chase anyone.

Reader, I mended him.

@ASurfeitOfDuncans

Even Dido moved away from guys like this

This. Spot on and also made me

OP: We're pretty much all telling you the same thing, take note, this won't end well if you pursue it.

*who they are

he also makes out that he doesn’t have a heart

^ When someone tells you who there are, listen.

What’s with all the numbering of people’s looks OP. It sounds very childish and shallow. You would probably be a 2 - 3 in maturity.

People who think they are good looking usually aren’t.

Well I’m guessing you don’t want to stop contact, you’re scared that he’ll ‘wriggle out of’ a date if you ask. So the only option for middle ground is to say ‘your turn to text me next I’m always initiating our contact’.

God..,
I’m with Lacey

This man sounds like hard work but you seem fixated on pursuing him anyway so....

Look forward to the future posts about your “relationship” and elements of his baffling behaviour that you just can’t understand because he is such a shy enigmatic mystery

He sounds absolutely dreadful as a potential boyfriend and I can't believe you would put yourself through this nonsense one more day!

Based on this

“He did tell me that he had a bit of a reputation at university for attracting/mopping up the more homely girls.”

And whether that is your language or his;
the fact you’d engage with a man who said this and still not just entertain a relationship with this person after he said such a thing, but have also essentially echoed this thinking in your OP - proves that you are not an 8/9 out of 10.
(Did he say this apropos of nothing - how did the conversation come about I wonder...?)

So you fit right into his usual category. Probably even lower if he won’t even ask you out as now he has witnessed the full ugliness of your thinking

The reason he goes for less attractive women is so he can play them. Leave well alone.

I think he would have been up for it on your leaving do hence the bit shy/won't make the first move chat. But now, I think he likes the ego boost of you messaging him.

I used to work with a guy like this - loud tutt or fake eye roll over texts from girls 'chasing' him. But responding straight back with flirty flirts and giving off mixed messages etc. I thought it was lack.of experience or naivety to begin with but he knew what he was doing. When one of the girls bored and moved, he was not happy and he was quite mean. I asked if he felt he had missed the boat? Did he regret not making a move but he said no - I think he loved the ego boost of it all.

Not to be harsh but I don’t really believe the ‘I’m scared’ line, not to rehash cliches from ‘he’s not that into you’ but generally if a man is interested he will make a move.
If you want to know where you stand you should ask him out, but it feels a bit like he’s enjoying having the attention from you without having to actually follow through.

Doesn't sound that great if he's playing mind games with you.
I also find the ranking people's attractiveness out of 10 and calling his ex's homely juvenile and weird.

No. Sounds like a time waster to me.

@Piffle11

Even Dido moved away from guys like this.

You will be doing all the arranging of everything
It will make you feel unwanted
The sex is likely to be shit
He needs to much attention

He has also never broken up with someone, they have always broken up with him. Reasons unclear or not forthcoming.

If that's true and all that guff about pulling homely girls and how he's a coward and all the "I'm really shy and vulnerable behind this Ken doll face and a six pack" act then I'd say that they ditched him for being at once manipulative and dull as ditch water.

Ditch him before you drown into a deluge of non-committal texting for eternity with your 8/10 soulmate.

I’ve been having a think about your OP. I think the reason you are getting a hard(ish) time is that this scenario is ordinary enough for very young women - I could have written a version of your post when I was 15/16/17 - but is unusual for a woman in her 30s. This, coupled with the ranking thing, makes me wonder whether you actually have rather low self esteem.

If you follow your scenario through to its conclusion - this man does really like you but can’t (for whatever reason) tell you or ask you out, this has the potential to be quite upsetting. I think in your OP you said you were okay with doing the running but really, are you? Having a boyfriend who has such serious psychological issues that he can’t take things forward without you having to lead him will end up leaving you quite lonely.

If he isn’t actually interested then that is a shame but not the end of the world.

The most grown up thing to do may be to message him and suggest meeting up. If he doesn’t leap at this then stop contacting him.

Be kind to yourself. Make sure that you mix with lots of different people. Perhaps take up climbing (or another sport where you can meet athletic men). Even if you are shy, it sounds as though you are nice looking with a good job (you mentioned promotion). There’s no need to get hung up on one man, particularly if it is always you who has to contact him.

But he seems to have this wall up around his heart

But not around his dick... He's just a fuckboy. He denigrates his ex girlfriends, ranks women by scales of attractiveness and has already made it fairly clear he wont date you.

Oh, give over! You've spent months making a total fool out of yourself for this guy, who sounds like a total twat. All this projecting about his feelings and rating women he dates and blah blah blah he hasn't given you a second thought. Just reading your posts I'm cringing for you because they're just so desperate and pitiful over this guy who is 100% as lacypants summed him up in a couple of sentences. Seriously, just move on and get a self esteem.

This is all rather Samantha Brick-ish...