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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not get fed up with dh constantly coming home from work late?

64 replies

barney2 · 05/07/2007 17:24

....he leaves early (7am) and not home until late (gone 7pm) - he doesn't get paid any extra for the extra hours he does, he works extremely hard.....but I'm the one stuck at home with two kids, doing all the jobs around the house, work part-time too....I'm beginning to feel very relied upon and somewhat left on the shelf.

OP posts:
mireadsmum · 05/07/2007 19:49

My DP has a good job which ends as soon as he returns home, I keep thinking how nice it would be to have the same!

ComeOVeneer · 05/07/2007 19:36

Dh hasn't been home from work before 11pm all this week, and that isn't unusual. I am just used to it, and have got dealing with the house/children etc down to a fine art.

deltamum · 05/07/2007 19:34

Do any have your DH say things like: 'I am the only one that works my socks off here' or ' I put a roof over yours and the childrens head, you should be grateful'. He works very long hours BTW, and keeps us in a comfortable lifestyle. I, on the other hand, is a frustrated stay at home mum that hates relying on anyone but my DH makes me feel that I am a freeloader.

FioFio · 05/07/2007 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
barney2 · 05/07/2007 19:24

Oh and the other thing that bugs me is when either of the kids are ill or the schools have one of their many teacher training days its ME who has to take the time off work to be home or change my hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
barney2 · 05/07/2007 19:22

DH does work extremely hard but then so do I except I don't get paid for it, don't get a break from kids, have very little spare time and generally feel permanently knackered. He doesn't get paid any extra for the extra hours spent in motorway queues, for the hours spent in the evenings catching up with his paperwork and for the phone calls we get at home from his colleagues.

I do enjoy being a SAHM but I do feel taken for granted at times.

OP posts:
Jacanne · 05/07/2007 19:15

Not unreasonable - my DP is in a similar position. I have to try and be reasonable about it because it is the nature of his job. He is quite senior, is paid a decent wage (but no overtime either) which funds our comfortable life-style and allows me to be a SAHM. I know that it really upsets him that he sometimes goes 2 or 3 days without seeing the girls. Unfortunately it is just expected at his work, he is one of the only ones with a family but if he didn't do it he wouldn't be seen as pulling his weight and...well we'd probably have him home all the time.

I used to moan alot but he lost his job at the beginning of the year and we had a brief period of panic. I guess it is bearable for me because I know he'd rather be here.

However, I do find the "my day's been worse than your's" debates intensely irritating as well as the "I'd swap with you any day" comments

SweetyDarling · 05/07/2007 18:21

Everywhere I've ever worked people would have been talked about (by colleagues as well as management) for clock watching and leaving exactly on the dot of thier contracted hours. Those hours are generlly seen as a bare minimum IME.
Doesn't make it fun for you though .

Original poster
barney2 · 05/07/2007 18:18

DH is a Service Engineer and covers a very large part of the country - ie all the Southern Counties from one end to the other and covers Wales, London, and some parts of Northern England. He drives up and down the motorways and when he does come home he's so tired from having spent so long sat in his car that he's not in the mood for kids and play. He is expected on the road early in the morning so he can be at his first job by 8am and rarely leaves a site until 5pm, hence why he doesn't get in the door until later in the evening. He doesn't get overtime - its not something his company do.

I get so fed up with this though because whilst the money is good and pays the bills its the quality of life that suffers. Our kids are 8 & 3 and tbh rarely see him. I work weekends so they don't get much time with us all together.

He's away tonight and tomorrow night on a course so that's him away until Saturday morning. The kids are used to it but its me that I worry about. I get so stressed out with the daily running of a home plus I work part-time during the week and the constant ferrying around between school and playgroup plus work is like a juggling act.

I just keep remembering back to pre-children days - when I held down a really good well paid job and gave it up to become a SAHM. I went through college and gained all my qualifications....what for? to become a SAHM? I'm almost 40 and I feel like I'm a lot older than that sometimes.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 05/07/2007 18:12

I have just had 'words' with dh. He has a new job as an Operations manager. Supposed to finish at 4.30. He says that I don't understand that senior managers are expected to do this. Maybe I am naieve. I have worked in many companies and audited many companies. I expect people to do their contracted hours. I know senior managers must do more from time-to-time, but not every day.

PeachesMcLean · 05/07/2007 17:46

Tell me about it. It's not that my DH works hours quite as long as that, but he's rarely home before 6 (should be able to finish and be home by 5) It's that I have to finish work every day bang on the dot to get DS from the childminder. I don't that kind of flexibility but he can do what he likes.

And I'm paid more. Grrr.... So why does he think he's more important?

rabster · 05/07/2007 17:42

omg this is all so familiar! See this thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2724&threadid=351020&stamp=070705172126

I also get EXTREMELY fed up with dh's working hours..

CaptainUnderpants · 05/07/2007 17:39

Mine is the same , I also work part time , howver he does get paid overtime, which does help. But sometimes it is nice for the kids to see their Dad, money cant compensate for that.

sugar34plum · 05/07/2007 17:30

barney2 why doesnt he get paid for overtime? is he trying for a promotion?

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