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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a rude reply to an invitation?

33 replies

smurfgirl · 05/07/2007 15:10

I have been harping on about my birthday for ages and texted people this morning asking for a yes/no for a meal so I could book a table.

Just got a reply saying - well i have nothing else planned so I am a yes for now.

Um. To me that implies that if something else better comes up its a no - why can people not commit to a fecking meal for their mates birthday which is only 2 weeks away.

OP posts:
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Original poster
smurfgirl · 05/07/2007 19:47

I just replied saying 'glad you can fit me in'

She is part of a larger group i hang out with at uni so have to invite her really i guess, maybe she will find something more important to do!

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 05/07/2007 19:24

I think Amidaiwish's suggestion sends a clear message and is still very diplomatic. I'd go for that.

suzycreamcheese · 05/07/2007 19:20

do you want to spend special celebration with folk who regard it as a fall back position on night out?

amidaiwish · 05/07/2007 18:33

why not reply
"well i had to confirm numbers so i didn't count you in, will let you know if there is a space nearer the time when your plans are definite"

that'll learn 'er!

OrmIrian · 05/07/2007 17:31

"That's OK. I wouldn't want to put you out"

Suitable reply?

time4me · 05/07/2007 17:29

smurfgirl I would have been delighted to have been asked.I agree organsing dos are a big worry.I ALWAYS get very stressed and wonder if it is worth it.But it is believe me,it`s lovely to be invited to a happy occasion.

Lolly68 · 05/07/2007 16:47

Maybe she meant it as a joke?? How well do you know her?

melsy · 05/07/2007 16:39

It doesnt end when your older im afraid! Mines my 35th and Im having a mare sorting dates , everyones away around my birthday. Its looking like I might have to move mine to two weeks after. Some havent even replied to my invite either.

Original poster
smurfgirl · 05/07/2007 16:15

time4me - its my 23rd birthday!!

Tis v.stressful organising your own birthday, I have been asking people for a while (due to past experience of everyone not bothering) and even then I have had 2 people text me back saying they could not come because they were broke ffs - I told them a month ago! (and these are young, child-less people who only have to spend their money on themselves)

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

OP posts:
time4me · 05/07/2007 15:48

Do you know you have made me feel better for the first time in years.Thank you.
If friendship is about bullying,competitiveness,being honest ( cruel in fact ) you can keep it.She can do without this friend,it`s very unkind.

melsy · 05/07/2007 15:45

nice psychiatrist time4me !!!! How can one "try to hard" , if it doesnt take then the person may be not worth all your lovely kind energy.

time4me · 05/07/2007 15:42

I think it is heartless and demoralising.
I have some very sensitive mememories about this cos when I was about 23 and everyone was with a boyfriend I had a so called friend who would agree to my invitations out on condition she didnnt get a date first.I havent got any friends and I think its because I just got very disillusioned. Loyalty seems to be a turn off for a lot of people.If I got an invitation I would have text back yes,brilliant,lk forward to it. Is it just me or is anyone else like that similar.A psychiatrist told me I tried too hard,Id like to think I was just friendly.

frapachino · 05/07/2007 15:39

lol! Don't take it personally at least she's honest

3andnomore · 05/07/2007 15:38

((((Smurf))))

morningpaper · 05/07/2007 15:37

This is why Texting Is Evil

melsy · 05/07/2007 15:36

Thing is you all say its rude , but it seems to be the way people speak with each other for some reason. It seems many are laissez faire about other peoples feelings and old fashioned politness and that seems acceptable discourse in social circles in our society. Weirdly I feel its borne out of the email & msn culture of not quite having to engage in the same way before these technologies came about.

I dont enjoy sorting my own parties , so I know how you feel. I get that sick feeling that no ones going to want to come.

Mumpbump · 05/07/2007 15:36

Very rude! Text back and say you have to give definite numbers so if she's not sure, you'll count her out!

Carmenere · 05/07/2007 15:29

Very rude and, as texting takes time and effort, not a mistake I'm afraid.

I would text back and say it's an invite and not an ordeal and to hump off if he/she can't be bothered being pleasant. But then I am pre-menstrual atm.............

SweetyDarling · 05/07/2007 15:27

A joke SURELY!? Sounds like something my friends would say, but I would never imagine it was anything but a joke.

aDad · 05/07/2007 15:26

V V V rude

tell them it's probably best they dont come in that case

Katy44 · 05/07/2007 15:23

That must be a joke, the kind I'd make, but ONLY to a friend who would know me ell enough to know I was definitely coming and wouldn't miss it. Otherwise it can be misinterpreted.

Original poster
smurfgirl · 05/07/2007 15:19

Its a friend in a group of friends so would not get away with it,

I always have shite birthdays that nobody remembers or botheres about so this year will be DIFFERENT and apparently bullying (well nicely) people into attending is the only way. Hmmm.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 05/07/2007 15:15

That's beyond rude.

I'd text them back with what lapin said.

funkimummy · 05/07/2007 15:15

Smurf don't be sad!! I expect they'll all come! You've just got 'I'm organising my own party' nerves!

sandyballs · 05/07/2007 15:14

How weird! Very rude.