what is a reasonable time for dh to get home?

DH leaves the house at 6:30am He gets home at 7:30-8pm. I also worried that he didn't see DD (9 months) Since she has had a routine however she sleeps 9:30pm - 9:30am. DH does bedtime routine as he is keen to spend time with her. This may not be for you & we will have to bring bed time forward a little as she gets a bit older but just want to say - Babies do not have to go to bed at 7pm if it does not suit you, try to change it!!

Maybe you could get him to call you when he is getting ready to leave. Most of the time I don't mind DH being late, as long as I actually know when he is going to be home. Waiting for him to come through the door is a nightmare! You feel totally in the dark.

You need to set your own routine. Maybe he could start earlier sometimes so he could be home earlier? We rearranged DH's hours so he started an hour earlier and finished the same. I didn't really need the childcare help in the morning but at the end of a long day it can be a blessing to have him home earlier.

DH leaves at 6am and gets back 8pm earliest. This week he is out 3 nights - business/entertaining, last week 2 and next week 3 again and this has always been the way. He is never at plays, sportsdays, picking up from school. The plus is he rarely rarely workes weekends. But I am not complaining - I married into this with my eyes wide open and new the demands of his business and I get to be a SAHM and chat on MN!

So in reply to OP - I remember it was very hard when I had just settled DC with lights off and then DH returned and everyone was jumping about but it is a phase and as bedtimes change so does the amount they see their father. Before you know it DS will be going to bed after you both!

just a couple of points from kaloo's post. Very committed dads are clock watchers, doesn't make them all in dead end jobs! Some do not think of work as a retreat from their families but look forward to getting home to them and fulfilling their responsibilities as parents, which are not solely financial. My DH would not shirk from saying that work is a REST, being home is harder, but that does not mean that he would shirk being at home as soon as he can!

Xenia 8.30 - 6 is almost part time hours for a lot of people.

I'm ROFLMHO. That has made my day.

To OP, just chill out and enjoy the time on your own when baby has gone to bed.

i work from home. DH doesn't. We all get up at 7. My DH leaves the house around 8.30, usually takes DS to childminders. I pick DS up, give him supper and bath and put him to bed by 7pm. DS usually gets home around 7.15pm, then we have a nice evening just the two of us. Usually DH has to work late ie home by 9ish around two or three nights a week.

We made the decision to have DS bedtime at 7pm because it suits DS, not DH. There will be plenty of time for him and DH to spend in the evening when he's old enough for a later bedtime. In the meantime, he sees DS every morning and spends all his weekends with him. We eat together on weekends. DS is 16 months now and doesn't seem to have any probs bonding with his dad. They adore each other. It works very well for us.

My opinion, just as you asked for
You are hormonal.
Men don't 'do' babies.
30 minutes either end of the day is not a big deal.
Work is a retreat when you have young babies.
Work culture is not to leave on the dot each day, particularly if you enjoy your job/want to get on in the company/are focussed on work.
Have you thought that maybe DH is aware of the responsibility on him as sole income earner and is simply being diligent about his families future.
Only people in dead end or people not interested in their jobs are clock watchers - and frankly that's sad when you spend so much of your life at work.

As time goes on and childcare crisis occur, you would expect dh's work to be understanding of the a few early finishes/time off etc - trust me it will happen.
Just Relax, you only feel like this because you have a young baby - we've all been there!

I should ad that he only phones if he is going to be back after the children's bedtime. I don't expect an exact ETA every evening.

Well maybe to start with keep the call fairly brief and to the point. Or maybe even a text? When my DH is working away I expect him to speak to the children in the evening. The don't always want to speak to him, mind you.

I would agree with the letting you know. If my dh isn't working away he puts the children to bed. If he can't be back by 7pm, he phones and lets me know, with an ETA so we can decide whether the children can stay up a bit later or whether I should put them to bed.

muppet actually I agree, no more from me on that subject. Anyway I'm happily bf ds2 and having a nice cup of decaff tea ahhh, lovely

Come on Xenia the baby is 4 months old. Her dh is probably just woring hard and doing the best he can

Right well the initial thing you need to work on is getting your DH to start letting you know how is day is going and what time to expect him. I really do not think that is too much to ask. He could ring you about 5ish and let you know how it is going. And as DS gets older maybe speak to him for a couple of minutes. Then your expectations for the evening would be set.

I certainly expect DH to let me know approximately what time he will be home.

Message withdrawn

....and xenia is chuckling away to herself!

'Got them all arguing about what I say again, clever me.'

Let's stick to the original question just to really annoy her.

Message withdrawn

I'd like Xenia to define pittance too please

Plenty of men and women delay getting home to avoid the worst of bed time. You need to get a listening in device into offices - it's amazing what people (often men) say their wives never hear. Bed time isn't always fun and easy and to get home knowing the children will be in bed and the house is tidy and warm is a huge plus for staying late and also for ensuring you mess around in the day and start getting down to stuff at 5pm.

Despite that most men and women do want to be there at most bed times and hopefully those in the category above are not a majority.

I'm saying the same things to her yes as it might actually get through to her then. I never said it was about working/not working but I'm sick and tired of reading the same thing all the time in reponse to every problem. Tired? Get a job. Fed up? Get a job. Bored? Get a job. Don't see children enough? Get a job. Etc etc.

my dp currently leaves at 8.30 and is home by 6 most nights
but eh is starting new job with a 2 hr each way commute
so will be 6am -7pm at best.
I have 13 yr old ds1 4 yo dd and 15 wks old ds2

ds1 helps out a lot though
Hey you just manage.

ummm, without wanting to be contentious (because you probably have a legitimate gripe) it isn't like bing a single parent.

Being a single parent means:

once the DC's are in bed, never being a able to leave the house (no DH even late so you can pop out and get a chocolate fix)
Always getting up at 6.30 with the DC's (if they're young)
No-one to get you a cup of coffee or make you something to eat if you have your hands full with a sick DC
Full responsibility for the financial security of the family on your own.

Not complaining, was my choice but DH's that work long hours are not comparable with no DH - they are completely different scenario's.

DH's who work away from home for long periods (I mean months) like forces are comparable IMHO.

Jodie. You are also repeating the same things. This is not a thread about SAHM/WOHM.

Despite the presence of Xenia.