to hate visiting my partners mother??

Amen, I think you're showing a typically male attitude towards someone who is obviously in a vulnerable emotional state. With situations such a PND, it is not best to go in like a bull in a china shop arguing about Fathers rights. That is clearly not the issue.

Amen and Nellie - go to the Postnatal depression alliance (google the name it'll come up.) Sounds like you could both do with some information on PND and how to treat a sufferer. Nellie, I think this would be a good one to show your DH. I did the same for mine when I suffered and it did actually make him realise what I was experiencing.

Nellie, I can see that you feel clearly undermined by your MIL, and I think if any of us were in the same situation then we would feel the same way.

I don't know many mothers who would happily give up their small babies for the day knowing that she would probably be unsettled for the best part of it. First time Fathers often take a little time to get into the swing of things, and that is not a sexist comment, it's just the way it is. Same goes for first time mothers (of which you are not one.)

It's good you're going to the Docs about PND, this will help.

Re the Christmas situation, we had the same problem 4 years ago when our son was born. So I put my foot down and said we would do one GP's one year and one the other, and whoever we didn't see on Christmas day, we would duplicate that day on Boxing day.

To get the ball rolling you could suggest this to your DH ,with his mother being the first to have the Christmas day with you, and you go to your Mums on boxing day. Then when next year comes around, you have the ultimate bargaining tool. 'Ah yes, but we went to your Mother's last year. It's my Mother's this year. Fair is fair.'

sigh. began to write a response but realised you wont ever get it so wont bother.

so if you can recognise that you are being unreasonable would you not let your husband take his child to his mothers?

so let me get this straight. she asked if she was being unreasonable not so she could get honest feedback but just to be told she was right regardless of the facts and if you did think she was being unreasonable you were not to answer as that wouldn't make her feel very good about being unreasonable.
well thats really going to help the problem.

she wasnt after a debate, she was asking for people to validate her feelings. most people said to sort out the PND and then re evaluate if you read between the lines. men arent great at that though

hold on, i'm not the one who started this debate.she was the one who asked an internet forum for opinions.i gave mine. if she has pnd and can't recognise unreasonable behaviour and asks others wether or not she is being unreasonable what should i do?lie to her so that she thinks what she is doing is ok?or give my honest opinion that she is not so that she can then examine her behaviour.i am simply giving the arguments for the other side.we all have irrational feelings, but acting on them and trying to defend them without logical explanations is not feesable.i am looking at it from the fathers side and he is being denied a lot right now with his daughter because of the mother.and my point is simply if the father was acting in exactly the same way as she is, then she would not accept it so why should he?

i know - it was more aimed at amen. i was trying to say - dont debate it, recognise shes got other issues and give her a break!

Amen - do you know anything about PNd, which the OP has already admitted she has. Just because you cannot defend a feeling or emotion doesnot mean that you feel it any less...give her a break.

"she is more mine than his, i carried her, i gave birth to her and whilst he and most fathers can happily go back to work two weeks after birth i don't know any woman who could"

And you still think you are acting reasonably?to me that comment is the height of ignorance.to presume you are more of a parent due to your sex. nice to see you still haven't answered the question i have now asked three times, could this be because your answers would further highlight your hypocrisy on this matter?

look, i just think that nellie is suffering badly with PND and cant see the woods from the trees, she feels misunderstood and vunerable and feels like people around her (dp and mil) are attacking her. I also think strangers giving advice in these circumstances are pointless because we dont know the full history. You just need receive help from the doctor and have some kind of relationship councelling with dp, maybe even individual councelling.
I can understand where you are coming from because i have suffered PND but part of your reasoning does sound unreasonable to strangers which is why its never going get resolved on mn.

Nellie - sit him down and tell him you will never move in with his mum.Ask id YOUR mumcan come with you to he place for Christmas, tell DP if he EVER threatens to tak eyour children from you again you will leave him and tell him that visiting his mother with you & baby can happen once a fortnight and the ohter week he can go alone if he chooses (alternatively you could do domething as a family together?)
Get leaflets from docs abut PND and make him read them.

Amen, some capital letters and punctuation would make your pearls of wisdom a tad more readable.

To the OP: YANBU, and like others have said, get thee to a doctors. Get your PND sorted and then tackle the MIL situation.

and what would stop him from taking the child if he went for a walk alone?my point was is it really a fear that he will steal your child or is it a dislike for his mother?also you still seem to be avoiding my question.what if he decided to refuse to let the child see your mother?if he refused to allow you to take the child anywhere alone?would you accept this as reasonable,would you accept his decision and say fine.yet you don't think you are being unreasonable in doing exactly the same to him.you really do feel that the child is more yours than his don't you?

so in the last 18 weeks where he has been working 16 hours a day and doesn't see his child often he has threatened to take her and runaway? sorry to sound cynical but to only mention this now in your reasons for not wanting him to go on a day trip to his mothers seems odd.i'm not saying it hasn't happened but surely this would have been your main reason at the first post rather than a dislike for your mother and concern that your child doesn't know the father. i am simply asking you what makes you think you have the right to refuse the father permission to be alone with his child. you never answered my question.as you said earlier on you leave the child alone with your mother for a couple of hours.what if the father decided he would not allow this anymore?if he decided that he was now the sole decisiopn maker.would you think he was being reasonable?

"I do see your point but there is a part of me that doesn't trust him to come back with her at all and yes that might be the pnd talking but i just don't know and i can't take the risk that will happen"

come on now,how can you not see that this is unreasonable. you are acting as though it is your child and your child alone and that the father is a potential kidnapper.it is his child too.