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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to move to dh’s hometown?

81 replies

Lejla68 · 16/02/2019 20:31

We currently live in London but ever since ds was born six months ago dh has been desperate to leave.

He wants to move to his hometown in Hertfordshire. He constantly goes on about how fresh the air is, how safe it is, how great the schools are etc.

But I love where we live now and have no desire whatsoever to leave - and I really don’t want to move to dh’s hometown. From visiting dh’s parents it seems suffocatingly upper middle class and twee (I went in a local gift shop once and they were selling ‘Keep Calm You’re in Town name’ coasters). It also seems so dull compared to London - in order to do anything interesting you have to travel into London which seems to negate the point of moving out of London in the first place. And it is one of the whitest places I’ve ever seen that is so close to London.

Dh is getting angry that I’m not even willing to consider it, but I love living in London, and before ds was born, we had talked about the future and both agreed that we wanted to raise our dc in London.

AIBU to not want to move to dh’s hometown?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 16/02/2019 20:48

If you can afford a property in London then stay! The desire to move away has to be from both of you YANBU

ReanimatedSGB · 16/02/2019 20:45

Bear in mind that it's not uncommon for men who are insistent about moving house once the first DC comes to be, basically, abusers-in-waiting. If you were to go ahead and move, would this fuck up your career, while leaving his unaffected (he'd carry on commuting to London...)
Even if he's not heading for major abuser status, it sounds like his fantasies could be about carrying on with his glittering career with Wifey looking after the nice little house in the suburbs and not having any opportunities to be anything other than an appendage of The Man.

TerrificEchidnaSpikes · 16/02/2019 20:43

You're going to get slaughtered OP, for even thinking anything negative about NotLondon Grin but in my personal opinion, YANBU in the slightest!

We lived in a small flat in a not-great-but-not-awful part of London, when the DC were toddlers we moved to another city for DH's work. It meant we could afford an actual house, with a garden, and in a nice area. Although I liked the new house and area, I did miss London but I rationalised it with all that stuff about fresher air, bigger house, decent schools etc.

Then a few years later, we moved city again, this time to DH's home city. Most people would say it's a good city to live in, with various good points. I hate it with a passion, and I wish we had never come here. And ultimately, I realise it was (for our family - emotionally, personally, financially) a mistake to leave London in the first place and we will never be able to afford to move back there.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 16/02/2019 20:40

Yanbu as you has this convo so it can’t be a surprise to him.

Peeltheavocado · 16/02/2019 20:37

it seems suffocatingly upper middle class and twee (I went in a local gift shop once and they were selling ‘Keep Calm You’re in Town name’ coasters)

It’s Harpenden, isn’t it? That has to be Harpenden.

milienhaus · 16/02/2019 20:34

I don’t think YABU, and your husband is mean to pressure you especially since you had discussed staying in advance but I also think he is NBU to want to leave London and to have realised once you had the DC that it wasn’t working for him. Sounds tough and I hope you can come to an agreement!