To ask if/how anybody out there has dealt with single white female syndrome?

PS I paid for the trip as I thought she deserved cheering up and thought it would help me grieve for my Dad as I considered her an old friend who was fond of my Dad too! What a terrible mistake

I have seen some of the comments on here and everyone has different experiences but….

when I was approx. 12/13 at school and pretty quirky but had a nice friendship group, there was this one girl who was very unpopular and kept trying to hang around with us. We felt sorry for her and so included her happily in our group.

Fast forward many years when many of stayed in touch and she had a lot of issues that we rallied round to support her with…

To her being completely on her own and a known gossip and troublemaker, trying to destroy people’s relationships and gaining a reputation for getting some kind of pleasure in attempting to bring down anyone she could through false stories and what I can only describe as pathological lying.

Culminated in me asking if she’d like to come to Benidorm with me for 4 days not long after my Dad died.

We were allocated a room on the 20/30th floor of a hotel with an open balcony ( she knew I was terrified of heights anyway)

To cut a long story short she demanded that we go out drinking in the dodgy end of town and then when I tried to tell her that I wasn’t comfortable with her racist and homophobic comments, she stormed into a bar and gestured that she wanted to ‘glass’ me.

i didn’t want to leave her on her own and so waited 20 minutes or so and then went back in to see if she had calmed down but she was aggressive again.

i was terrified of being in a room with an open balcony so collected my stuff and gave her tickets for her flight home to the reception staff.

just as I was trying to leave the room with my suitcase (initially to another room to give us both some space to discuss it in the morning) she flew in, cornered me on the balcony and when I tried to run she grabbed my arm and pinned me on one of the beds and proceeded to hit me repeatedly on the back of my head with a large ring on her finger.

i got away with my suitcase and went to order a taxi to the airport in shock. In the lift I saw in the lift mirror I had blood streaming from my head; it was like a scene feom a horror film.

paramedics and police were called but she told the police I had fallen and hit my head.

It was absolutely horrific!

I have completely blocked all contact with her.

be careful who you try to be kind with! Xxx

Although I wouldn't risk making something up that's too far out, myself, it is fun to read the ideas 🤣

Tell her you’ve booked a luxury weekend in Paris at a super-expensive hotel. Once you’re sure she’s booked it too, send her a picture of yourself in a dramatic wig (think heyday Paula Yates) saying ‘Am I crazy?! I just went for it!’ Then when she Hesds off to Paris with her bleached crop, text her saying ‘BTW, did I tell you? I decided to go to Madrid instead? Also, wasn’t quite brave enough to do the hair for real - was fun trying out the wig though!’

I think it’s weird, don’t tell her anything or make it up.

I had a similar thing with one of my DDs when she was at primary school. Another mum would see what DD was wearing and buy exactly the same thing, went on for years, would join the same clubs even when her DD obv had no interest in it.

Trying to imagine what she's thinking. She must admire you and not have much confidence in herself. Wonder if she imitates other people as well?

@Wauden will check now!

Ah! That explains it. I asked because I once knew someone like this but she wasn't white!

@jinglet it comes from the film Single White Female.

Why's it called single 'white' female syndrome? Genuine question.

I think that none of us are as unique as we'd like to be. We all probably know loads of people all doing many of the same things as us.

When it's someone we like we think how great it is we have so much in common.

When it's someone we don't like we don't want to think of ourselves as being similar to them in any way, so we start to think, "she can't possibly like xy and z like I do, she must be copying me because that's the kind of weird, creepy thing someone not like me at all would do."

OP, obviously not knowing either of you I can't say whether or not she really is copying you, but I think it's likely that you just have things in common and you don't like her much.

I have a friend who my family refer to as SWF, they’d noticed as soon as she came into my life, took me about 4 years to realise what they meant.

She copied my clothes, my makeup, my hair, every time I had something new she would too, new car, new job, moving house, even new pets etc. Whatever presents my DD’s had hers would get the same. Whereas I’d be buying for Christmas and birthdays she’d go out and buy the same thing for no occasion at all, just in case, god forbid my kids had something hers didn’t. We had almost identical weddings. And I know this sounds silly, but I’m convinced she left her husband because I’d left mine. Up until my divorce, she’d had an apparently perfect marriage/life etc.

I pulled back from her, we’re still friends, I love her, but no longer tell her where I’m going or what I’m buying. I try to keep things light and breezy with her.

People will say you should be flattered, but I wasn’t!

BartonHollow, I sent you a PM about her, in case it's a mutual acquaintance!

Yanbu

I have had very similar. Plus copying clothes and shoes etc.

It is extremely irritating.

I get why you're feeling the way you do. Studying the same course, going on the same weekends away, booking the same (obscure) holiday - and you say these aren't the only examples - are really not in the same realm as PP asking for holiday recommendations or where someone got their coat from.

I would further distance myself and not reveal anything to her. But a lot of the PP's responses suggest you would be dismissed as unreasonable if you asked mutual friends not to discuss your life with her.

Don't let it get to you however weird it feels. Keep a distance, limit info & try to understand how sad it is:she's so insecure that she thinks copying who she considers 'better' than her, will make her happy. She's probably got no self esteem & is very unhappy.

I don't find the things you've listed creepy or stalkerish. It's very common to go to places others have been to, try similar forms of exercise (the fitness business would be dead if we didn't.) Ditto the drink. Loads of people fancy what someone else is drinking in a pub.

Does she go out of her way to turn up at the same gym at the same time as you, or book a holdiay in the same place, same week as you? That would be creepy. But what you describe is normal. For all you know she gets inspiration from all sorts of people but mentions some to you if she thinks it's relevant.

If she starts dressing like you and cutting her hair the same way, applying for a job where you work - all that would be odd. But what you describe isn't.

Yes but I also suspected her of being in need of a diagnosis and a behavioural plan, and felt quite sorry for her.

@BartonHollow, I had deliberately partially covered my face on FB, and she messaged me asking whether it was me, and I didn't respond. So, like you, no engagement, ha ha. Sorry that happened to you. It's all about her and her problems.
She was very convincing, yes?

I’ll bet she goes to plenty of other places, drinks plenty of other drinks etc etc. But you only notice when it’s things you have done, places you have been or drinks you drink

If she was wearing the same outfits as you I would be concerned. As it stands she's just trying experiences that you've had,maybe she's looking for new things in her life and gets them from trying things friends have done?

@Wauden

Was it also accompanied by lengthy Facebook moans about friends not bothering by any chance?

I saw her write one of those once and read it thinking :

I have a fucktonne Of shit happening in my life right now, and had you bothered to contact me you'd know that, but instead you'll assume that I'm just shit anc not bothering my arse.

I left Facebook in the end and haven't seen her for years. I realise now that she probably doesn't think I've left Facebook and probably thinks I've specifically blocked her because it's all ego all the time.

All this sort of thing is always insecurity based OP