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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being upset that my baby was being looked after by sis with special needs?

91 replies

allthegearnoidea · 04/07/2007 22:47

Really hope it's not too late and there are enough enthusiastic people to give me some input on this, it's tearing me up!

Here goes...
Left my LO 19 weeks old with my mum for a night, and 2 full days as i went on a girly weekend away, first time in a year and a half, first time away from baby.

I phoned to check on him mum said he was with 'mary poppins', referring to my sister with special needs, she is 42 with cognition of 3-4 yr old.

She told me that at some point she had left the room and come back and LO had a pillow on his face and sis was laughing cos he was covered up. When i went ape shit, she told i was being too heavy, that the pillow couldn't get flat to his face and that he was fine!

my point was that sis doesn't have understanding of baby being in trouble or what is/ isn't dangerous, why the hell was mum leaving them together on their own? my mum was telling this as a funny story and didn't see why i was upset as all is ok.

she is supposed to be having LO one day a week when i go back to work, now too scared. am i being over the top? mum has made me feel guilty getting upset about it and now isn't talking to me, what do i do?

any opinions?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Hansmummy · 06/07/2007 23:15

You are being perfectly reasonable-I have a three year old who is STILL not allowed to stay at her (paternal) grandmothers without me, because she has two boys the same age (don't ask!) who like to hit and bite her, and at three she is old enough to get out of their way and the situation is nothing like as scary as yours.
Don't worry about how your mum will react, do what your gut instinct tells you and then break it to your mum, she can't stay mad at you-it's her grandchild.

shellandjessica · 06/07/2007 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giddy1 · 05/07/2007 20:25

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expatinscotland · 05/07/2007 20:24

If you don't like how your child is being cared for by your mother, then in the future hire someone else for the job.

Seems rather simple to me.

gess · 05/07/2007 20:21

I think it was on its way out anyway giddy...... not you!

giddy1 · 05/07/2007 20:20

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giddy1 · 05/07/2007 14:23

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muppetgirl · 05/07/2007 14:18

Were you older/younger than your sister (I mean are you..?)

What I'm asking is was your sister ever left with you as a baby? If so your mum would have had some experience of your sister with a baby but if she was the youngest she's never been that close to a baby. Also she is the mentality of a 3-4 yr but she has an adults sized body ie weight.

Young ch do roll around on the floor, stuff pillows over each other but they only have little bodies, what I would worry is that your sister is too heavy for this type of game but as she has ld's she wouldn't know when to stop.

Your mum has to go to the loo (as other poster said) answer door etc and she's right, she has brought up ch but she hasn't had an adult with sn and a baby.

Sorry if this has been said, quite long thread

2shoes · 05/07/2007 14:01

just read the op. no yanbu this does not sound like a safe situation to leave your baby in.

morningpaper · 05/07/2007 13:59

You know your sister and you need to decide if she is a danger to your baby.

If you decide that she IS, then you need to make sure that she is not left alone with your baby.

Could your mum look after your baby at your house for half a day a week, to start with?

anniebear · 05/07/2007 13:53

To be honest, what you have said about your Mum, why are you considering leaving your Baby there (with or with out your sister with SN)??

You said your Mum is a brat? concerns over her reliability? concerns over her competence ? Her judgement is crap?

and she is set in her ways and scoffs at the way you do things and can't take on board advice or instruction, and thinks she knows best. ??

Lol Lol, not sure I would be leaving my DD's with her !!

FioFio · 05/07/2007 08:24

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Message withdrawn

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 05/07/2007 00:07

I think you are right to be worried but at the same time I think you can not ask too much from your mum.

If she is 64, and responsible for an adult and a baby, there would be times when she has to pop out of the room to attend the needs of either one, get distracted because she is tired, and can't imagine a 64 years old carrying a baby in a sling regularly to avoid baby and adult accidentally being together on their own, after all, granny needs to go to the toilet now and you can not expect her to sit by the bed while your child is having a nap.

I think your best bet is to find childcare for the day. Is fairer on everyone.

gess · 04/07/2007 23:56

TBH I wouldn;t worry that much about something dropping on a face because it happens and regularly checked it's sorted iykwim. This doesn't really sound like its about your sis or even your mum and your sis, it sounds as if its more about your mum's general awareness of babycare etc. If you're not happy make other arrangements, no point worrying whilst at work.

I'm off to bed now!

Original poster
allthegearnoidea · 04/07/2007 23:54

sorry gess, just read other post, my sis left the girls for only a couple of hours and not overnight til much older, she said she always worried but mainly about what they would be eating, she was never aware of anything like this happening. mum would always get arsey and brush off concerns

OP posts:
Original poster
allthegearnoidea · 04/07/2007 23:52

she was laughing because the cushion was covering his face and was calling mum back to show her cos she thought it was hillarious that he was 'hiding' mum found it funny as sis was laughing so much, at no point was sis malicious, and at no point was mum concerned

OP posts:
gess · 04/07/2007 23:51

your other sister that was- with the 3 year old

gess · 04/07/2007 23:51

If she's not that interested I guess the problem is the same as when your mum leaves your baby alone. It might be easily fixed with a cot or pram.

gess · 04/07/2007 23:49

How did your sister deal with it?

Original poster
allthegearnoidea · 04/07/2007 23:49

also my sis is only present because mum has asked her to be, sis would much rather be going about her business as she is busy, sis always comes to greet us initially but is much happer left to her own devices, my mum is specifically asking her to come and sit with baby.

OP posts:
gess · 04/07/2007 23:49

ah well that's mums' for you. Mine's like that. Again up to you to decide whether its too unsafe or not. If it is you can't worry about offending her.

Original poster
allthegearnoidea · 04/07/2007 23:47

my other sisters youngest is just 3 and she has lots of other grandchildren. she is well used to babies. the difficulty with my mum is that she is set in her ways and scoffs at the way i do things as i go on current advice as to what is safest, this is my first baby. she does what she did when my older brother was a baby, he is now 43, her way of doing things is from her grandma, now 6 generations old. she can't take on board advice or instruction, she thinks she knows best.

OP posts:
superchoccycake · 04/07/2007 23:45

i am as well.

i can be a right cow-bag at times, i know i can

gess · 04/07/2007 23:44

agree with super- although sometimes mums can be bloody minded about their way! Mine is. Having said I wouldn';t do it, I realised I did , what I mean is I wouldn't do it through choice, unless I could guarantee a safe environment.

superchoccycake · 04/07/2007 23:42

no one is going to yell at you or stop talking to you because of this. (well maybe your mum for a bit).

what about making the house safer, and saying she must put baby down in travel cot and use monitors if she must leave the room when your sister is there? is that a possibility at all, or would you stil lfeel uncomfortable.