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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my 8 year old DS to not eat with his hands anymore?

82 replies

LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 10:09

I screamed and shouted and ranted at him this morning.

Honestly, I have tried everything. Star charts for eating nicely. Ignoring it when he uses his hands as maybe it's a way of winding me up. Praising his sister (5) for using her cutlery and ignoring that he isn't using his. Ranting. Joking. Disappointment. Threats. Promises. Rewards. Sanctions.

Nothing has worked, what am I doing wrong? How do I get him to use his cutlery as a default?

OP posts:
barney2 · 04/07/2007 12:32

MM....LB felt she had a problem, hence why she posted. This site is here for anyone regardless of what they want to talk about no matter how large or small. You've not exactly helped have you?

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 12:30

When I had a 31 month old I didn't care about his table manners either.

OP posts:
midnightmagpie · 04/07/2007 12:30

Well LB i'm pleased for you it must be a very reasurring position to be in if thats the case you dont really have any problems at all do you

midnightmagpie · 04/07/2007 12:27

No F T got a 31month old why do you ask

barney2 · 04/07/2007 12:27

LB -.... "I really hate bad table manners".... you've said it all really. You hate bad manners, he knows you do....hence why he does it. Simple.

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 12:26

A bit of punctuation midnightmagpie, please.

I don't call my DS a savage actually.

And no, just at this precise moment in time, I haven't got anything better to worry about, that's why I'm posting about this particular issue.

When I've got something better to worry about, I'll let you know.

OP posts:
barney2 · 04/07/2007 12:25

I know what you mean LB - I've had kids come over for tea after school and their table manners can be absolutely appalling - they are worse than my 3yr old BUT for the short time they are sat at my table I choose to ignore it. I'd much rather they ate the food I have bought, cooked and prepared than worry about how they actually get it into their mouths.

He will grow out of it - he is of an age where he will regularly test his boundaries and by the sounds of it he's winning.

It may not be a 'little thing' to you but I'm sure it is to him.

FlamingTomatoes · 04/07/2007 12:23

Got a baby, MM?

Speccy · 04/07/2007 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchesse · 04/07/2007 12:21

I frequently call my children's behaviour "savage". They seem to find it funny, but I suppose they could in fact be concealing the terminal hurt and bewilderment they feel...

midnightmagpie · 04/07/2007 12:19

your a mum of an 8yr old have you nothing more important to get stressed about personly I'm more concerned that you use the word saveage when refering to your boy i think i'd rather have him to lunch than you look at the bigger picture and ask yourself what example are you setting him generally

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 12:18

But that's another thing. I'm not sure if it is a "little thing" to me. I really hate bad table manners.

I had no idea I hated them until about eight years ago when I had someone staying at my house who repelled me so much by his disgusting slurping noises and chewing with his mouth open, that I had to leave the table sometimes when he was there.

OK I know that may be a bit extreme, but some people hate farting, some hate runny noses, etc. etc. I just hate bad table manners.

Am I mad?

OP posts:
barney2 · 04/07/2007 12:15

I agree with Speccy....if he's not a brilliant eater don't make the situation worse...it's just not worth it. Be glad he eats. It must be far more worrying for parents if their kids simply won't eat.

barney2 · 04/07/2007 12:13

He just doesn't want to do what his Mum WANTS him to do...simple case of being an 8yr old!!!

If I told my dd NOT to use her knife and fork she would!

Speccy · 04/07/2007 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 11:59

But that's the thing - I'm not sure he does know what to do with them when out and about.

Am going out to lunch on Saturday, will observe him then

OP posts:
Speccy · 04/07/2007 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snorkle · 04/07/2007 11:59

As well as the eating properly outside & with guests, could you have a day (or a meal) once a week when you insist on proper eating too so he gets some practise & gets comfortable with it? That leaves 6 days a week to let him get on with eating in his own fashion.

barney2 · 04/07/2007 11:58

....and I bet he went off to school this morning with a big grin on his face thinking 'I've wound Mum up today and I won! Ha ha!!'

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 11:58

I have started to make them hold the pan while I brush up the mess

The thinking being that if they're inconvenienced by their savage eating habits, they might civilise them a bit

Not working yet!

OP posts:
Speccy · 04/07/2007 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

barney2 · 04/07/2007 11:57

My dd(8) uses her hands quite a bit when she's eating her meals which tbh I don't mind because providing she's eating that's fine with me. My younger dd (3) eats the same but we do encourage both of them to use their forks and spoons (both useless with knives!) but I don't get cross with either of them - there's no point. There's nothing worse than a stressed out mealtime. I've even gone beyond the tut-tutting when they drop their food on the floor - I just tell them that when they've finished they can go back into their cages with the monkeys!

duchesse · 04/07/2007 11:55

Blooming grandparents! Anybody would think they were trying to undermine the parents... (my ma in law just the same- I am too hard etc on the children...)

doughnuts · 04/07/2007 11:52

My ten year old still eats from time to time with his hands which drives me demented !!! One of his grandparents never helped by declaring that 'fingers came before knives and forks' - grrrr !

midnightmagpie · 04/07/2007 11:50

I'd be tempted to grit my teeth and ignore his table habits what an amazing way to get attention at least 3 times a day. personally i'm not bothered by my daughter eating with her hands its considered acceptable in many culters there are worse things that they can do at the dinner table