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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF ex GF went as his plus one to a wedding.

85 replies

ToKnowAnything · 08/02/2019 01:26

I've just found out and i'm in shock.

By this point we had been seeing each other for around 3 months and he had been finished with his GF two months before we started seeing each other. This was the wedding of his cousin as he doesn't even see her on a yearly bases.

Maybe she did get an invite before the wedding but surely she shouldn't of attended?

I've only found out about this 8 months after the wedding as I was late night FB stalking someone completely irrelevant. From the FB photos she's in the family photos + sitting next to him at dinner.

OP posts:
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Allofaflutter · 04/05/2024 13:15

So pleased for you.

Topofthemountain · 04/05/2024 13:06

That's a wonderful update, and congratulations on your new baby.

Original poster
ToKnowAnything · 04/05/2024 12:59

PechaKucha · 28/01/2020 18:45

When a zombie thread is resurrected, the OP should be legally obliged to come back and update

Here’s an update for you:

I wasted over four years on this guy. I came under many usernames as I thought he was stalking MN to see what I posted. He would actually just use my phone at night and use what I had posted as ammunition. Apparently I was abusive as I once asked on here what to do as he had seriously let him self go, visited my family high, stinking of BO in old jogged with his gut sticking out. He told his family friends that I had fat shamed him. He left out that I had posted it anonymously and that he should have never had known. He barred me from using MN.

Reading back a few threads today (which have been hard to find due to numerous name changes over the years) which were based upon him being a cocklodger, lazy, gas lighter, controlling and pages of LTB.

Luckily I finally got rid. I wasted my mid twenties on this guy but I’m very glad to all the wiser ladies on MN who was able to voice above his that I’d be much better for LTB.

In this post like many others it was pointed out that a new relationship should not have had so many arguments. He would constantly gaslight me that I was the problem, and that if I had proof he was lying, he would justify it with not wanting to upset me.

I think we moved on from this issue as he promised me that he had only hid his ex being his plus one (which apparently he didn’t know she’d be there until the day - they looked VERY happy together in those photos!) as he knew it would have upset me. It would have upset me as I was ‘with’ him for a whole year when I first met his mum, who thought I was a ONS when I stayed over..

I was reading a thread today which the OP had pages of ‘LTB’ which made me reflect how my life would have been different if it wasn’t for MN.

Here’s the main update: my Ex would say that I wanted him to be perfect and the perfect man didn’t exist. I was the one causing the arguments and the fall outs. After throwing out the loser as I thought I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life, I met the love of my life. A man who respects me and adores me. A man who couldn’t wait to introduce me to his family and friends. A man who works hard, puts me first and is honest all day long. But most importantly, I’ve not felt the need to post about him on AIBU. Now I use mumsnet for its intended use… as a mum to a newborn 😁

I cannot thank what would have been hundreds of women advising me to leave. I had became isolated from the real women in my life. I have nightmares how life could have been. Thank you.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 28/01/2020 19:29

Nearly a year old. I totally agree about needing an update. Was everyone right? Will the op get an update if she name-changed for this?

Rainbowx · 28/01/2020 19:22

I agree ^need an update op Wink

PechaKucha · 28/01/2020 18:45

When a zombie thread is resurrected, the OP should be legally obliged to come back and update

BengalGal · 28/01/2020 18:26

Not telling about the wedding thing is annoying but not a deal breaker. You need more info. When was this wedding? Did she have an invite? The bigger question is is it worth salvaging the relationship. Not feeling part of his life yet and having issues early on are maybe signs that this isn’t a story you want to continue.

BuntyBonus · 28/01/2020 18:23

Thank goodness @MidniteScribbler is here to point out people’s grammatical errors. The thread would so dull without it.

OP, the beginning of a relationship should be a lovely time. If you have been having problems since the beginning I would maybe re-evaluate.

MillicentMartha · 28/01/2020 18:17

Zombie

Marnie76 · 28/01/2020 17:42

Why on earth are you with him if the relationship had problems from the outset? Genuinely asking, why?

Bella2020 · 28/01/2020 17:42

Zombie thread!

LagunaBubbles · 28/01/2020 17:41

ZOMBIE

ChristmasSweet · 28/01/2020 17:38

Spnelli you deserve better than that. Dump him. He lied to you about it and still chooses his friend over you. Always will.

Microwavedtea · 28/01/2020 17:37

You've been having relationship problems from the beginning and now you're looking for a reason to leave it, just cut it off now.

ChristmasSweet · 28/01/2020 17:35

Maybe they are friends? I’m still friends with my ex. I can imagine going as his +1 to a wedding.

Even if you had a partner, you'd take an ex just because you're friends? Hmm

Nah that's just weird. If you were single, fair enough although still weird. Why can't you just go by yourself? But with a partner is just rude.

I went to a wedding with my partner after a relatively short time together. I'd have been furious if he'd taken his ex and would have dumped him for even suggesting it.

It does sound op like he was seeing you both. And you're having problems anyway, give up on this one. There's plenty of loyal and less problematic men out there.

Spnelli · 28/01/2020 17:20

Hi. Same thing happened to me.
My boyfriend and I were together September 2014 and I met his friends October 2014. One of his friends told us about the wedding which was taking place next month. My boyfriend said that the invites only said him. Even though he was best man and he was marrying for money...so they were loaded. My boyfriend asked him if I could be invited to the evening but he said no as the seating had already been arranged.
His friend never made any effort with me and it was only a year and a half after the wedding that I became friends with them on Facebook and saw her in the photos and she was on the front row of their photo!! I was absolutely devastated. Everytime this friend Alan visits I argue with my boyfriend as his friend shouldn't have invited his best friends ex. My boyfriend said he didn't tell me as he didn't want us to break up.
( He knew that it was bad...as I probably would of) He says to move on but I'm disgusted that it even happened. I mean why would an ex be as pathetic as going to a wedding of her ex boyfriends? She had to be so desperate. It's also the fact it was hidden from me hurt. It's been 5 years and it still affects me. Still with him though...

MyOtherProfile · 08/02/2019 14:01

If you haven't met his friends and family (maybe you have but you say you don't feel part of his life) then I'd question whether he is actually still with her.

hastingsmua1 · 08/02/2019 13:57

Unfortunately I think you’re the rebound relationship - meaning that he still thinks she’s ‘the one’ and he doesn’t see a long term future with you

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 13:54

sorry, wrong post

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mmmhmmm · 08/02/2019 13:53

You deserve better then this. This much drama in less than a year? I'd give him his marching orders.

wafflyversatile · 08/02/2019 13:52

We've been having relationship problems since the beginning as I never felt part of his life and this is the nail on the coffin that it's not all in my head.

There you go then. You don't need anything more. You know this isn't the relationship for you.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/02/2019 13:48

They were a couple when the invitations went out, so it wasn't "bloke plus partner", her name would have been on the invitation.
I doubt she thought it's her right to go no matter what. When couples split, the families don't always ditch the ex partner immediately.

Which is why I said:

What’s more likely is that she got on well with the family and the two split on good terms, so went together rather than waste an already booked place.

It was another poster who suggested the ex had ‘a right’ to go because her name was on the invitation. What I’m saying is that I don’t believe any reasonable person would just turn up at the wedding of an ex’s family member without clearing it with their ex, on the basis that they were named on the invitation before the split.

Squickety · 08/02/2019 12:54

I attended a wedding with my ex months after we'd split, when I was seeing someone else. We'd been together a really long time, the groom was family to him and the bride was a close friend of mine, there was no question of either of us not going even though it was very awkward. Because of distance / timings we also ended up travelling together despite it not being ideal for either of us as the breakup had been awful. We're both adults and we knew we just had to grin and bear it for them on their special day. We did sit together at various points in the day.

If the ex has a separate relationship with one of the couple and they're amicable I really don't see it as a big deal. I would question though the secrecy around it though, although in my personal experience I might have kept it quiet if I'd known you would react badly. My first boyfriend after I split with my ex just couldnt understand that I still needed to see / speak to him regularly as we had things to sort out and we both wanted to attempt to salvage some sort of amicable relationship out of it. Therefore I didn't used to tell him about things as I knew he'd get upset or start a row about it.

BIgBagofJelly · 08/02/2019 12:39

Tha actual attending of the wedding and sitting next to each other is a non-issue. If she knew the couple and would have been invited anyway it makes sense for her to still attend and they can't help the seating plan but why didn't he mention it and why have there been problems from the beginning? Sounds like this relationship is more trouble than it's worth.