to not want MIL's dog in the house with my baby

YANBU

My mum has a lovely, though very excitable border collie. He's so loving, and was a great family pet when we were all at home, but we got him when my siblings and I were teenagers so he'd never really been around babies. It was my mum's decision to make sure he is always outside whenever we visit her, and if the weather's bad he can sit in the covered area between the backdoor and the garden (to call it a conservatory would be over the top, and anyway he sits in the rain). The dog doesn't mind, we play with him and leave dd with mum and dad so we all get quality time with dog and child IYSWIM.

My dd would love to play with the dog but she's a boisterous 22 month-old who would just love pulling his tail which would wind him up and he might try to bite her (though he has no history of this). She has tried stroking him but only when an adult has been holding her firmly and another has been holding the dog. It would be too stressful to try and keep the 2 of them in the same room for any length of time as both would hate being restrained for any length of time.

Oh and he does know days of the week too! He expects to see us on Sundays and waits by the window for us (though this is probably because he knows he's going to get a pig's ear as a bribe to go in the garden , and knows when it's Tuesday as my mum doesn't work on Tuesdays!

Bad Parent Alert

My dog went to investigate DD1 in her moses basket and pulled it over. I only popped to the loo. I don't ever leave the dog in a room on it's own with children anymore. She was approx. 5 mo. She was inconsolable.

It was a hard lesson learned.

i wouldnt want a dog near my newborn baby. you have enough to deal with at that time in your life! the added stress isnt worth it. maybe she can leave the dog in the garden (if you have one) or in another room if you guys visit her?

i hope something works out.

I adore dogs and all animals btw - but with sad cases where the dog has attacked a child you always seem to hear the same thing: "But Rover was such a softie he was great with children"
Animals are unpredictable, they get fed-up stressed, angry and volatile and it's not their fault.

"Just because the dog is friendly and gentle(ish) with adults is no reason to suppose it will be with your baby"

wise words indeed

Dogs are not people

I have had a few bad experience with dogs and I am therefore untrusting of all dogs.... especially where my children are concerned. I have this same problem with my SIL - she is invited to stay but her dog is not invited and she clearly thinks the dog is more important than her family as she says that she can't come without the dog and it is "out of the question" for the dog to go into kennels! We have even offered to pay for the dog to go to a local kennel and drive her there and back twice a day whilst she is staying so that she can walk the dog. I think she thinks the we are being unreasonable but in fact she has only had the dog for about a year and it was specified from the rehoming kennel that the dog should not go to a family with children . The dog must be muzzled at all times when out. The other day the doctor called to her and the dog was barking like billy oh in the background and the doctor refused to come in unless she locked the dog away and she said she couldn't as he could open the doors! Why do dog lovers think everybody else should love dogs. I like dogs but am just very wary of them and don't want them sniffing my children, jumping up, shedding hairs on my nice clean floors (or beds!) or barking and frightening everyone. Surely that is not too much to ask?

Felicity I am highly suspicious of people who expect me to like dogs.

Your DH can walk the dog whilst him mum sees her grandchild. Dog need not then step over your doorstep. Or whatabout you go and pick her up and take her out for lunch with the baby?

When my dc's were babies, there was no way that I would have a dog in the house....fast forward a few years, and we have two dogs!! I understand both sides, but really, its your house, your baby, so your rules. Let her get a petsitter for the day. Good Luck!!!

Your MIL is being unreasonable. I would not have even let a dog in my house before I had children.

I wouldn't have any dog in my house. I do like dogs but not in my home thanks, same with cats.

Exapt I am highly suspicious of people who do not like dogs.

The world is divided into those wholikethem and those who don't.

And those who don't, are wierd.

(To OP though, I do love dogs, parents have dogs, but still think even then you need strict rules with babies and dogs, and they should generally be kept apart or HIGHLY supervised. So YANBU in your fears, but I reckon a compromise could be reached.)

Explain your worries to her, then she will ne expected to compromise.

Life is generally so much easier and happy if we all give a bit.

i agree there are some things you will feel you just cannot and will not compromise on (such as smokey rooms) but just wonder if in this case if ceratin limitations were adhered to on her part, you could begridungly accept the dog on some abasis on your part.
Apart from anyhthing else it sounds like your Dh wants you too.

But the give has to be both ways,from her and not just you.

And by the way, expat, I take my beautifully behaved spaniel to loads of places, and he is as welcomed and fussed over almost as much as the baby. I live in the sticks and people tend to have dogs for work, etc, so I guess we are used to them.

seriously its your house and if you dont want the dog in it then say NO!!! last time i compromised and let the dog in the garden and the conservatory, it still upset my allergies so next time they have been told that the dog has to stay with friends or in kennels when they visit.

they werent happy but they want to see the boys and i wrote them a polite but firm letter clearly explaining why i do not want the dog in my house!

i did a thread about it on bmc, i will try and find you a link if you like?

anyway i got overwhelming support, they all agreed that actuallys its quite rude of dog owners just to assume they can bring their dog when they visit!!

i am sorry but its a dog!! end of, she can put it in kennels etc, but you do not have to have it in your house!!

felicity, fair point about the grandmother thing.

A guess another issue is how often does the woman expect to bring the dog into the house, once in a blue moon i would accommodate but other than that, it must be left at home or outside. At home would be better for the dog.

Don't do it.

This dog is severely mixed up. He doesn't know his place cos he rules the roost at home but gets superceded at yours. He is probably anxious about this and may bite to show authority to ascertain his position. Your mil has committed serious animal cruelty by confusing the hell out of him and muddling up his natural instincts. He needs to be shown that she is the boss, made to sleep in his own space, eat from his own bowl and nowhere else, and understand in no uncertain terms to SHUT UP when told! A happy dog is a dog that knows it's place and has no competition for position.
She seriously needs some training. And then so does the poor dog. In the meantime explain to her that you just can't have it in the house until it behaves itself and that she's got a bloody cheek in even thinking it's alright with a brand new baby about. Sorry to rant but these people really get my goat. They really do give responsible dog owners a bad name.

I think leaving a smokey atmosphere with a baby is perfectly reasonable.

I think trying to come to a compromise over a sticky issue with a baby's Grandmother is also perfectly reasonable.

i think declaring over any issue, 'it's my house and my baby' regardless of close family members feelings is unreasonable. And possibly, in some situations, unkind.

I agree OP has been very understanding, I'm referring to the general 'do exactly whatever pleases you if you have a baby' attitude that's around.

I may be grandmother one day, I hope my family take my feelongs into account as I will endeavor to do with theirs.

gahh i have this prob with my inlaws, i am allergic to dogs and so dont want them near me!! yet when they visit they insist on bringing the dog into my house!!! annoying is an understatement!!

luckily the boys arent allergic, but i still dont want them near the dog as they get covered in dog hair which then brings out my allerfy more and i have tonnes of washing to do!

i really dont think its difficult for people to leave their dogs at home, or with friends etc when they visit and when you visit them the dog can go in the garden whilst you are there with the baby!

felicity, it is HER house and HER PFB!!! When did having a baby become a reason for putting its needs above everyone elses?? Since i had mine that is EXACTLY what i do - i didnt even stay at BIL wedding reception for longer than 1 hour because the venue wasnt non smoking. Do people think i'm precious - oh well, i'll live with it.

PErsonaly i think the OP has been extremely tolerant, a bloody site more than i would have been and i adore dogs (cant abide bad mannered ones though). It does sound to me like the MIL is using the dog as an excuse to get attention TBH and showing her dominance in the family as everyone seems to have make way for her dog, even though there is a vulnerable new baby in the house. It appears that is not just the dog who needs to learn its place in the pack hierachy (which i cant spell)

Change the rules if you want to m, I would.

your MIL lets her dog on YOUR sofa and bed????? who's house exactly does she think it is? I'm sorry but i would simply put my foot down, i wouldn't dream of taking my dog to inlaws (well we are planning on taking new dog but we will also be taking its cage and he will be staying in it, apart from piddle trips to the garden!)