to not consider christening our child just because its "nice".

I'm with Jools (as usual ) - none of my 4 were christened and it will be up to them if they do want to commit themselves when older.

(Some of them have whinged in the past about their lack of generous godparents as compared with friends but That's Not What It's About, is it?)

Pretty Candles sums it up perfectly. To participate in a religious ceremony based on beliefs you do not hold is offensive not only to yourself but to others who may take it seriously.

Go with your gut instinct and try to explain to your father in law that you would rather not be hypocritical.

If a naming day is something you like the idea of a naming day (not my cup of tea but I am officially a weird person) then as others have suggested, the lovely gown could be used for that.

As an utterly off-topic aside, I love old christening robes, some of the expertise that went into sewing them is wonderful...

Agnes

YOu can do that with a naming ceremony, though, without having to make promises that you have no intention of keeping.

How about a compromise - explain to your FIL that you don't believe in christenings but ask if your LO can wear the robe for part of their naming day?

FWIW, my parents are dedicated Christians but the only thing my Dad was worried about after my dd's birth was my registering her in order to comply with the law. He didn't mention canon law at all - they left it up to me to decide even though they were pleased when I opted to have her christened after all.

Joking aside I think there is something rather beautiful about a Christening even if you are not religious. It is a kind of acknowledgement that life is sacred, an irreplaceable existence within the universe.

You could have a naming ceremony maybe? We had our DDs baptised, but I feel that it is only something you should do if you think it is important. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into such a big thing if you don't want to do it. Or go for it and have a big party at FILs expense!

But what happens if the only decent school in the area is Catholic, or Jewish, or Muslim? Better start a four-pronged attack now and get the baby "done" in all of them...

Round here being christened or not makes diddly-squat difference anyway -- you won't get your child into the CofE or Catholic school unless you've been very active in the parish for a number of years.

But what happens when it turns out the only decent school in the area is a C of E school? Is not having them christened worth sending them to the crappy comp?

You're not being unreasonable at all. We had our dd baptised because it was important to us, just as a church wedding was for us too. But everyone feels differently about these matters - that much is obvious from this thread. Naming days are becoming more and more popular, and can be just as dressy affairs as a Christening - if that's what you want to do. People don't question civil weddings anymore, naming ceremonies shouldn't be any different.

What made my dd's baptism so special was that my dad did the service, and dd wore the Christening gown worn by my DH and my FIL.

TBH people just like the occasion of a family get-together more often than the location etc.

Have you been to a christening lately? They involve making promises and pledges and getting your friends (godparents) to pledge to support to help bring the child up a christian. We couldnt face making promises we werent going to keep so had a welcome party when dd was 6 weeks old. Family only, in the garden, tea and cakes and poems were read. Worked for us - a really moving day.

We had a humanist (BHA) naming ceremony for DS -- very personal as we wrote it ourself and a nice excuse for a party for family and friends. I think it was also a good thing to do because trying to write down what we wanted for DS and what we wanted to promise really got us thinking about it and led to some long conversations between DH and me that we might not have had otherwise.

do what you want and just be happy with that, each to his own!

YANBU. I sat through a Christening recently and would be really uncomfortable saying all that stuff is I didn't mean it, but I think I'm a bit superstitious, if not religious.

We're not having one, we're just going to have a nice big 1st birthday bash instead.

The thing that bothered me, is what kind of god would consign a tiny baby to purgatory just because it hadn't had some water rubbed on it's head? I also don't like the idea of a baby being cleansed of sin. Its not like it's had much in the way of time to rack up anything serious, is it?!

I'm a Christian.

My children were not Christened as I don't believe in baby/young child baptism.

Infant Christenings are not in the Bible.

They are not anything to do with entrance requirements for heaven.

Your FIL is wrong if he's meaning from a Christian faith perspective.

Have a thanksgiving/naming day - even a blessing to keep people happy.

But a Christening is not Biblical - it is Anglo-Catholic church tradition.

Although that's important to a lot of people. I believe that tradition and history has no eternal significance whatsover.

Have a party, but don't get steamrollered into something completely hypocritical.

of course yanbu, but it sounds as if FIL has become over-excited and sentimental - which is rather sweet and lovely.

Do the name-day party, and let your FIL make a speech. Telll him that you would like him to introduce his grandchild at the special name-party, at which you would like the baby to wear the gown previously used for Christenings...

If you don't want to christian your child I agree you should have a naming ceremony or a family gathering to celebrate your baby's arrival.

JV - definately agree. None of my 3 were christened, much to the consternation of my P-I-L (some rubbish about "oooh they'll not thrive if you don't have them christened"). My are now 26, 23, 17. IN the 25 years that DH and I have been together - I have never known any of my in-laws attend a church or religious ceremony of any sort...and some of their attitudes and opinions are very 'suspect' in terms of what they see as being 'christian'.
I beieve that if anyone wants to follow a religion, then it is their choice, one to make when they are old enough, not somehint that should be forced on them.
The naming ceremonies sound like a good idea.

Yanbu.
I'm getting this nonsense at the moment from the pils.
Ds will NOT be christened, because as far as i can make out in getting a child christened you are vowing to bring them up as a christian.
I ahve absolutelyh nothing against religion and i admire those who have a faith, but i dont go to the church and never will. I believe in god but dont identify myself with any religion.
The pils say they are christians but dont attend church, pray etc so i find their attitude very hypocritical.
I dont think theres anything wrong with being of a certain religion but not following it to the letter, i dont deny that they are christians but i would have thought that that if you have religious sensibilities then wouldnt a non christian jumping on the band wagon for the sake of a knees up be considered somewhat blasphemous?
One of the main reasons i wont be having ds christened is because i would not want to offend people who truly follow the religion.

Also had naming ceremony for our DS. It was lovely and really personal as we wrote it ourselves. It was a wonderful day and so may people came it was a proper celebration of him and our new family.

none of my 3 are christened

well I tell a lie - dd got herself done before marrying and that's the way I think it should be.

YANBU.

My MIL wanted us to have ds Christened because dh had been, but I categorically refused. I'm not Christian and neither are our children, it is something dh and I discussed before we ever had children and we agreed that they would be brought up Jewish, as I am, and as it means so much to me. Dh doesn't consider himself Christian - or to have or care about any religion, for that matter.

MIL's point of view was that we should do it because it would be 'fair' (to dh's side of the family) and because ds would then be 'like everyone else'. My point of view is that, as a believing member of a different faith there is no way on earth that I am inducting my child as a member of the Christian faith, and that if I didn't take a Christening seriously then I would be mocking other people's faith.

Keep in mind that as an elderly person, your FIL may not know any different, perhaps he has not even realised yet that some parents decide not to baptise their children. If there are 20 years since the last baby...he may be agnostic himself butI wouldn't be surprised at all if has not even heard of naming ceremonies. (My father would be in that category...)

Regarding the christening gowns... some families treasure the fact that X christening gown has been used for several generations or by every loved new member of the family. It may be the case that he thought it a lovely tradition and never gave a second thought that you may disagree.

Hi. You're not being at all unreasonable - why go through the hypocracy of a religous ceremony if you don't believe in it. Anyway, these days you don't need to to have a christening to have a lovely welcoming. I had my second baby two weeks ago. We had a wonderful baby naming naming for our first at Tunbridge Wells registry office and only this morning I have booked the same thing for our second - for a few months time. Equally special and moving, not religious at all and very nice. By the way, its a myth about babies not going to heaven unless Christened - the church has never decreed that or at least not for about 500 years or more - so your family's fears in that respect are based on a rather old fashioned misnomer that went out at about the same time as burning witches. Good luck and stand your ground.

We gave our 3 a name day instead, so no religion but still a lovely day to celebrate all round.

tsam - I think you know the answer to your own question. Go with the naming ceremony thing or just have a big party if everyone wants a family gathering. (I'd check out the local schools and their entrance criteria before you make a final decision though )