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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being furious that dh's boss called him a "kiddy fiddler"?

110 replies

angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:13

dh came home from work yesterday, very upset, as his boss had been looking through some photos and said, "Look dh, you look like a kiddy fiddler in this one!" apparently she thought it was a huge joke.

as someone who actually has firsthand knowledge of "kiddy fiddlers" i find her comment very upsetting (although she doesn't know my history, obviously) - i don't really think it's something to be joked about, especially not in that context.

so i'm still feeling extremely upset and angry this morning, to the point where i want to email her and tell her what a stupid bitch she is - don't worry, i won't - but i also don't feel like it's any of my business really.

i've changed my name for this as i know she sometimes uses this site, and while i don't care if she knows who i am in RL i don't want her knowing my MN id.

OP posts:
Marina · 26/06/2007 09:39

I think I'd take edam's line. Your dh needs to have a quiet word so that she realises that it's not appropriate to say these things, even if she thought she was joking

FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:39

Madamez - she does often single him out for bullying though, this is the latest in a long line of incidents. because it's a small company and she's the MD though, there's not much he can do about it.

he is looking for a new job though!

OP posts:
Tutter · 26/06/2007 09:38

that's silly cod

i didn't watch your fishy show but i am merrily discussing it with you

Tutter · 26/06/2007 09:38

tutt out surely

FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:37

Message withdrawn

Tutter · 26/06/2007 09:37

cod the phrase makes me shudder

really vile

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:37

KM - no, he's not usually friendly with his boss. she is an awful boss, has terrible management skills, often "forgets" payslips or pay

Cod - you're right and i'm usually quite sanguine about things, but this is an issue i feel a bit strongly about.

the note is a good idea. i hadn't thought of something like that. i said he should try and have a quiet word with her today, but a note is better.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:37

Message withdrawn

edam · 26/06/2007 09:36

I'd keep a note of it somewhere in case she ever behaves unprofessionally again. And if I were dh, I'd approach her informally and say that comment was inappropriate. And then I'd let it go - as someone said, a stupid comment from a stupid person.

madamez · 26/06/2007 09:35

Let it go. I totally disagree that 'some things shouldn't be joked about' as everything is fair game for humour,(whterhe individuals find it funny or not) and it's not as though anyone was seriously suggesting that your DH behaves inappropriately around young people. Making a fuss makes hi look either like a touchy PITA who takse offense at everything, or as someone with something to hide.
The only time I would say it was worth taking any action at all would be if this person has a history of singling out your DH for unpleasant remarks - in which case there might be an issue of workplace bullying. Otherwise, forget it as a throwaway comment.

FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:35

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:34

Message withdrawn

KerryMum · 26/06/2007 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:30

ah Tutter. yes i totally agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:30

i want to zoo, i really do. but it's making me so angry just thinking about it!

OP posts:
Tutter · 26/06/2007 09:29

no, you misunderstand

the fact that she chose those words makes it worse

as though she were trying to trivialise the issue

which is even more offensive, imo

Eight · 26/06/2007 09:29

I don't think a note would do any good.
Especially if this woman is the MD.
It may make things very difficult for your DH at work.
I do think he should mention it to her in a more informal way, though.
Something along the lines of "the phrase you used about me yesterday has really been playing on my mind, and actually I was upset and offended by it".

zookeeper · 26/06/2007 09:27

I'd let it go as a stupid comment from a stupid person

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:25

do you think Tutter? IMO it's trivialising something which should not be joked about, in any circumstances. sorry but i have had total sense of humour failure on this one (and i'm usually the first to laugh, albiet cynically, at tasteless jokes)

KM - not a part of a union unfortunately, but the formal note is a good idea. i'll tell him.

am so very tempted to forward a link to this to his work email, i know she checks it.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 26/06/2007 09:22

Its also very unproffessional and he should tell her that to

Tutter · 26/06/2007 09:21

the words she chose make it sound somehow less offensive than the correct terminology

KerryMum · 26/06/2007 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paulaplumpbottom · 26/06/2007 09:21

That sort of thing is nothing to joke about. He should say that he was upset.

Tutter · 26/06/2007 09:21

that's revolting

saying it, and the words she chose