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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being furious that dh's boss called him a "kiddy fiddler"?

110 replies

angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:13

dh came home from work yesterday, very upset, as his boss had been looking through some photos and said, "Look dh, you look like a kiddy fiddler in this one!" apparently she thought it was a huge joke.

as someone who actually has firsthand knowledge of "kiddy fiddlers" i find her comment very upsetting (although she doesn't know my history, obviously) - i don't really think it's something to be joked about, especially not in that context.

so i'm still feeling extremely upset and angry this morning, to the point where i want to email her and tell her what a stupid bitch she is - don't worry, i won't - but i also don't feel like it's any of my business really.

i've changed my name for this as i know she sometimes uses this site, and while i don't care if she knows who i am in RL i don't want her knowing my MN id.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 26/06/2007 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sherbert37 · 26/06/2007 10:29

Just to say that in larger, more structured companies, this would fall under the 'Dignity at Work' Act and could lead to dismissal. It is not acceptable to say things like this at work these days. People may think it is 'having a laugh' but anything that can be deemed offensive is definitely out. As a manager, the boss has to be ultra careful. More info on the ACAS website if she is reading.

Aloha · 26/06/2007 10:19

If he is upset about other aspects of his treatment in the company, he should focus on those.
I think a note would be a real mistake. I would think it very odd indeed tbh.
Your dh clearly took this remark very personally, but I am sure it was not meant like that.

Aloha · 26/06/2007 10:13

Well, to be fair, she didn't call him a paedophile, she said he looked funny in a photograph. To her it was the same as saying "you look like a nerd" or "your look like a trainspotter" - it was clearly meant as a bit of friendly office banter. I saw the other day a writer in the guardian writing about how his wife hated a certain jacket and referred to it as his 'child molester' jacket - clearly as a joke. She might have say, said a balaclava made him look like a serial killer.
Obviously to you, it means a lot more, and that's absolutley understandable, and you may well think it is a tasteless joke, but I think taking it further would be a mistake for your husband. She obviously does not think he is a remotely dodgy character or she would not have made the joke.

goldenwings · 26/06/2007 10:11

that is not a joke.

angrywithboss was the photo of just your dh or was he with your lo?
either way it is a disgusting thing to say but if it was with your lo in the picture thats truly sick.

it doesnt seem to be an off the cuff remark it seems that she really has a problem with your dp and is willing to say awful things to get rid of him.

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 10:11

rey - he did say it was a bad photo! but that's still no excuse for what she said IMO.

i am a touch oversensitive about things like this, but there's no way she could've known that.

perhaps i have overreacted. will take step back and see what dh does.

OP posts:
rey · 26/06/2007 10:09

How on earth can you joke about something like that! The woman is sick sick sick!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have every right to be angry, upset, and your poor husband. Horrible to be in a position where you can't say anything. Just come to mind... sounds like a jealous comment, she was trying to put him down because she was envious at what she saw/sees. Turn it round and think what a sad life she must have.

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 10:04

goldenwings - he will walk, that's certain. just not sure whether he walks into a new job or not. he wanted to walk out yesterday but i think keeping a roof over our heads kept him there!

OP posts:
ELR · 26/06/2007 10:04

while it may be unpleasant for you and not a nice thing to say, it is an off the cuff remark that unfortunatley happens all the time.
I would leave it can you honestly say you have never made an inappropriate comment
Dont let this stress you out lifes too short

goldenwings · 26/06/2007 10:01

i think it all interlinks though. your dp is being unfairly treated by this woman in a lot of different ways.

keep a record of all that goes on and if things carry on maybe speak to cab and see where you stand. it seems to me like your dp is being forced out of a job. she probably has no grounds to sack him so is trying to make his life harder for him in the hope that he walks.

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:58

sorry, i'm meandering off the point. it's turned into a general bitter rant about stupid bitch boss

marquees? wtf was all that about then?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:56

yes Cod, you're right, why did i?

probably because i was 20weeks pg at the time

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:56

Message withdrawn

Cappuccino · 26/06/2007 09:56

this has nothing to do with the comment though does it

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:55

oh and at one point it wasn't clear whether ds was going to survive, hence the scans and earlier than planned paternity leave.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:55

Message withdrawn

goldenwings · 26/06/2007 09:54

what a truly disgusting thing to say.

i always poke my nose into dps work when i feel its warranted. if his boss had said that to him i would have spoken to him about it. but then when it comes to dealing with his boss my dp has no backbone so to speak. so would let his boss walk all over him if he could.

i think this woman needs to be spoken to. as she could say this to someone less 'controlled' (cant think of a better word ) and end up getting lamped. also she needs to know that its a disgusting thing to say.

Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:54

holds our future in the balance, sorry.

he's been looking for another job since Nov 06. no luck yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
angrywithboss · 26/06/2007 09:53

the trouble is, not everyone is stunningly beautiful and articulate. dh is very intelligent but very shy with it, and not the sort of person to instantly come back with a witty response. especially not to someone who essentially holds her future in the balance...

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 26/06/2007 09:52

if you're going to fight this woman eventually you have to do what I tell my six year old

Pick Your Battles

Enid · 26/06/2007 09:52

ok so this is part of wider issue

(although taking loads of time off for scans frowned on chez Enid [harsh])

he needs to look for another job

FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:51

Message withdrawn

Cappuccino · 26/06/2007 09:51

oh yes Enid

Poise Personified

FluffyMummy123 · 26/06/2007 09:51

Message withdrawn

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