to be annoyed that dh will not let me have the gorgeous Mercedes car that is parked outside our house?

I dont think we're such a responsibility tbh. Mu dh probably spend more on boytoys/gadgets annually than the cost of feeding/clothing his family and we're strictly next girls - might push the boat out to monsoon for an event. You wont find any logos or designer names on our stuff!

OO - I can't load the pic but it says it's a 4x4. I already know this is not worth toenailclippings .

Getting serious for a minute, I do agree with Xenia that economic dependence on another person is not entirely a satisfactory state of affairs. It's mostly not good for the dependent, and it can be an awesome responsibility for the dependee. My DH has developed a permanent and debilitating health condition. We could afford for him to give up work and still pay the school fees. But he is worried about the responsibility it will put on me though, and the pressure of what might happen to us as a family if there is an economic downturn etc etc. Also he enjoys his job and wants to work. Maybe the idea that the Times was floating this weekend, of paying one parent to stay at home is not a ludicrous idea.

I'd sleep with Arthur Daley for this

don't get me wrong - my mum doesn't regret staying at home with us - she is bitter about the money but it is complicated by many things (like my Dad being a complete plonker)

Going back to the baby merc. I think in retrospect, it might just be worth a prance in AP underwear but only the basis that I could sell it and buy some pretty reasonable rocks.

Hard not to point out what xenia has stated re her own domestic circumstances involving a significant half as she personally attacks sahm's as being an underclass

I took my own mother's life as a guide of 'how not to do it'.

She gave up a good job to marry and have children at 19 and then stayed at home to look after myself and my 2 brothers. My parents marriage disintegrated but she couldn't leave as she coudn't possibly support herself or her children should she have wished to take us. She has ended up going from man to man (she also has confidence issues) as she has never been on her own and, therefore, is never really likely to be.
I chose to learn from this, to make sure I had an education, a career etc. I chose to be a teacher though my degree could lend itself to many thngs, as I could take time out but return to a reasonably well paid job should anything go wrong in my marriage.
I am with my husband because I chose to be not becasue I have to be.
Surely then I don't need 're-educating' as I have thought about myself as an individual as well as part of a marriage.

A.P. Undies? You're talking SLK at least..

Although, while not doing bad on the shoes front I don't, yet, have a merc...

Kewcumber, I posted then saw your post further down. Please dont think I was being flippant about your mum's situation

"and for the record, dh could afford to buy me a great big feck off car any day of the week, he is the Arthur Daley of the north"

We should start a support strand for OO. Who wants to be married to Arthur Daley? Who wants to be financially dependent on Arthur Daley? Worse still, who wants to rely on one of Arthur Daley's cars?

binkle - you will be top of the list for "re-education"

Go Olive!

I think i'm doing a really good thing for my dds being a SAHM. My relationship is very equal, i don't care as much about money as i do about my children - I'd pay any amount i had to be able to bring them up myself rather than leave them in a day nursery 9 hours a day, so why bother? I'll work again when they're older and at school, i don't feel 'kept', I don't ask dh for money.

Xenia and Mozhe should really go and do some work - they're not being paid to lecture us - go on now!

agree agree binkle

If dh leaves me down the line I'm not going to be bitter about my position - I chose it and nobody has ever, or ever will, dictate to me what I do. I do what I damn well like and I like working from home, being with my children, doing school stuff and still having the money to buy the all the clothes, shoes and bags I like . If he leaves me, y'know, I'll survive, I won't be on the street. I'm not stupid.

Look, I am SAHM. I have no pension, no income of my own. My dh is wealthy and sucessful and supports his family completely financially. He has worked since 18 to become what he is today and he is still only 37. I could never equal or match his earnings now. He has bought every car I've had whilst with him. We go on expensive holidays. We have a money-worry free lifestyle. So, I, of all people, am a prime target for Xenia's ramblings. But, we're happy, so her nuggets of wisdom are nothing but a source of amusment to me. You may be suprised to learn that I'm not that arsed about money - I've been very, very skint and now I'm comfy but if it all changed tomorrow, it'd be ok because we've had a good innings!! And if he decides to leave me when I'm 50 for a 28year old then it wont be because I was a SAHM not a highflyer, it will be because his penis was making the decisions. Oh well, I'd still hopefully have the respect and love of my daughter so I'd live and if she wanted to be a SAHM and it was feasible I'd support her every step of the way.

agree Cov - I suspect Xenia does like a little wind up from time to time.

I don't like it too much either Quattro...

A foot rub at best

The car in OO's link is not worth a blow job. I don't think it is even worth a snog, to be honest.

Snap Cov, and well said OO Xenia's comments make my blood boil!

I earnt far more than DH pre-kids, I now am a SAHM. I chose this life, well, we both did. I heartily object to some woman (so highpowered she has oodles of time to come on a parenting website and write endless diatribes insulting other women) telling me my choices are wrong and I am some sort of underclass.
I wouldn't want to put earning vast amounts of money ahead of my children, but I know some do, their choice.

KC I do have sympathy for her situation, and you are right that she does post a valid warning re women protecting themself should the worst happen, the way she posts that is fine. What is not fine however are her insults like the one I quoted below. That is neither helpful, nor informative, just deliberately done to get a rise.

I have some sympathy with Xenia's position. My dad left my mum after 35 yrs of marriage (just didn't come home from work one day) she was (and is) an exceptionally bright woman who worked in the civil service and gave up her career when she had children because thats what you did then. Never really got back to a well paid career after that. she never envisaged a time when my Dad would leave with his pension having accrued on a much better paid job and hers on less well paid and shorter term jobs. On divorce no children were living at home so it was decided that each had sufficent money an no allocation of income was made although we did manage to fight for a slightly higher share of the equity.

Difficult not to be bitter about that and Xenia is right to warn that could happen to any one of us. Personal attacks on her about why (or even if) she has a partner are uncalled for.

However it is bizarre and ridiculous that Xenia chose this thread to make her point (again)

I also find her comments re "letting our daughters down by being SAHMs" highly insulting. I am a well educated person who has choosen to take time out from paid work for an unknown period of time with my husband's full support. I don't critise or insult her life choice and am sad she hasn't the courtesy to do likewise.