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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my ex to have dd for alternate weekends.

83 replies

twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 21:13

He currenty sees dd when he feels like it which is currently about one day a month. DD wants to see her dad more and as he does not pay any maintenance ( which is fine I don;t want or need it) I think he can contribute in other ways such as giving dp and I time to recover at the weekend from very tiring jobs which we need to do to support dd.

I asked him today to start increasing his accees and he was very non commital and his girlfriend ahd a whinge, can I see a solicitor to get access defined.

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 24/06/2007 22:04

My experience in this position is that unfortunately you can't get them to change their minds.

I used to get really worked up about ex not seeing ds enough and tried to get him to see him more often.

It made no difference at all, except to really stress me out.

Ds now 13 and is not that keen on going to his dad's as he has a social life here, and ex lives in another city

babyblue2 · 24/06/2007 22:00

Why don't you speak to him and tell him that his DD wants to see him more and that although you're happy with the access arrangements, she isn't and would he be willing to do either alternate weekends or a long weekend every three weeks or something like that. Turn it around so that it doesn't look as though you are the one requesting this or making the suggestions but that it is DD requesting and him making the final decision out of a number of options - hoping he picks the right one.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 21:57

I have never stopped him from seeing dd and so I can't imagine why we would break the agreement. I have just been trying for years to get him to agree to regular access and he never does.

OP posts:
snowwonder · 24/06/2007 21:56

i wish i could do this to ex has her one afternoon a week, so i dont really get a break from it all,

think it could be arranged but he wouldnt have to stick to it,
although if it was in place and you stopped him having her, then that wouldnt be ok and it would be taken back to court

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 21:56
OP posts:
babyblue2 · 24/06/2007 21:53

It may also wind him up and push him further away. How old is your DD?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 21:52

I know I can't force him but I wondered if a solicitors letter may make him realise that he is being unreasonable.

OP posts:
agnesnitt · 24/06/2007 21:20

You can see a solicitor and ask for access to be sorted out, but I'm not sure there's any way you can actually force the man to see his daughter.

I feel for your daughter, for her sake I hope your ex-partner grows up and gets on with being a parent.

Agnes