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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my ex to have dd for alternate weekends.

83 replies

twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 21:13

He currenty sees dd when he feels like it which is currently about one day a month. DD wants to see her dad more and as he does not pay any maintenance ( which is fine I don;t want or need it) I think he can contribute in other ways such as giving dp and I time to recover at the weekend from very tiring jobs which we need to do to support dd.

I asked him today to start increasing his accees and he was very non commital and his girlfriend ahd a whinge, can I see a solicitor to get access defined.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:20

paulaplumpbottom the girlfriend says she has a baby of her own and has to go to work so she has to think verycarefully before allowing dd to spend more time with dp.

OP posts:
rantinghousewife · 24/06/2007 22:18

You can sort out access with a solicitor but the onus would still be on your ex to maintain that access. Courts would only get involved if you denied him access.

snowwonder · 24/06/2007 22:18

sorry i was trying to demonstrate how unfair the system is, in that he could break the aggreement and it would be fine but you would be foreced back to court if you broke it

paulaplumpbottom · 24/06/2007 22:17

His girlfriend doesn't want her there because?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:15

Because dd wants to see her father and for all his faults he does love her and although they may not do a lot together as his money is limited she does enjoy going there and he enjoys spending time with her. From what I can see the problem at the moment is his girldfriend and that if I was to go to a solicitor that would enable him to stand up to his girlfriend and say actually I have to see dd.

It is also about regulalrity, if he only wants to see dd once a month that is his choice and we would live with it but at least we would all know where we stand

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 24/06/2007 22:13

Can they make him see her?

babyblue2 · 24/06/2007 22:12

Sorry. Its your life and your situation at the end of the day and you'll do whats best

rantinghousewife · 24/06/2007 22:11

My ex is planning to emigrate and has not even had the courtesy to speak to his own son about it yet. I can't legally oblige him to either.

babyblue2 · 24/06/2007 22:11

Do you really want to legally force him to do it. What gain is that? DD could grow up thinking that her father was forced to see her, he would begrudge seeing her? I don't think this is a route you should take tbh.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:10

I know he loves dd and would not choose the not at all option

OP posts:
babyblue2 · 24/06/2007 22:10

That may backfire on you and he may choose the easy option of not at all.

rantinghousewife · 24/06/2007 22:10

Yes i see your point, in an ideal world I wouldn't have wanted my child to get to the age of 13 and suddenly realise that his dad is a no good shit who doesn't care either. Unfortunately there are very few options for people in our position.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:09

but if legally he had to see dd every other weekend he would do.

OP posts:
babyblue2 · 24/06/2007 22:09

It doesn't sound hopeful does it?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:09

yes or sometimes she gets to go to the supermarket,

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:08

But i think he only acts like this because we have allowed it, if I were to be able to say to him you see dd every other weekend or not at all he might change his ways.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 24/06/2007 22:08

So she just sits at his house all day?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:07

well I want him to stop getting used to it,

OP posts:
rantinghousewife · 24/06/2007 22:07

Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to have access more often I don't think there's a way you can legally force him. Ds's dad sees him twice a year despite my pleas to him that ds would p'haps like to see him more often. Ds (now a teen) less bothered about it now but, it has been hard on him in the past.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:07

He does nothing with her, we drop dd off in the morning and collect her at six, if we did not do the dropping off and picking up he would not see dd at all.

OP posts:
babyblue2 · 24/06/2007 22:06

The less people see of their children the more they get used to it really, so for many selfish people, extra time is not something they tend to want to commit to. Obviously not all people are like this.

paulaplumpbottom · 24/06/2007 22:06

How long does he see her on the one day? Does he take her out or what?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:06

Because they have a baby of their own and she has just returned to a part time job. Neither of which in my view should affect my dd access to her father.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 24/06/2007 22:05

Thatis exactly what I said to him tonight and I got a very vague rather pissed of non commital response.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 24/06/2007 22:05

Why did his GF whinge?