....to go on strike???!!!

And we came home to find dd had done the washing up for the first time in her life !!!

Hi Barney, how are you today? Perhaps when h was hungry wasn't the best time to talk to him - though I'd have been sorely tempted to go on strike there & then! Perhaps try to sit him down after dinner and the kids are in bed, and stress how seriously down you feel. I had a session with dp after a party on Saturday night - got rather tearful (too much wine) but dp took my point & fixed dinner last night.

hi barney, you sound just like me. i have now trained my self to say no or just dont offer if anyone takes advantage of me. everyone used to because i never said no. i dont bath my dd every night, no bedtime story either im afraid as it extends bedtime by 45 mins, im lucky i do have a cleaner twice a week but im still behind on everything.i try and prioritise as much as poss .try and not think you have to do everything, what do you all do at the weekends? every month for a weekend i force dh to help me with things that need doing, nwe just about keep on top of things,you have to do something or you will go into meltdown.

Lots of stuff:

1. You're doing too much. I work 4 days a week and I still make sure I have time for me and with DH. Start looking at what you can get away with not doing round the house. Are you doing too much washing? Does everything in the ironing pile need ironing? My ironing is now up to my waist and it's just going to have to stay that big for now because I want to go and drink wine with DH. And if he wants to talk to me, the TV goes off. If I want to talk to him, the same.

2. Talk to DH until he listens - tell him it's no bloody use telling you just to go out if he doesn't help to make that happen. And what does HE think about not going out with you for 6 years?

3. Get mercenary. Make friends with someone who can have your kids and you can have hers, etc.

4. Go and buy some new stuff - a top and some earrings or something, doesn't have to be expensive.

Do it bit by bit. You sound overwhelmed.

you could take strike action but you would probably still find the iron pile the same and still have everything to do, arrange to go out for lunch or something with a friend, go out for a walk or a trip to the libray on your own,

lol - no way my 4 DC's generate enough for anyone! I hate ironing and normally end up drinking nearly a bottle of wine whilst doing it Poor DP's shirts sometimes come out a bit funny

ah it was worth a go

anyone fancy doing my ironing tonight? i want to strike too

Can I make a suggestion? You say that you don't have any time for you? well, timetable it- look at what you need to do the evening before ,for the next day, timetable it- by the half hour- and block out some time for you. Unless you physically do this, the day will disappear. You need to give yourself time in the same way that you give time to the ironing, cleaning etc etc.
You need to accept that evenings are hectic for all parents- but if you slot in some you time earlier in your day, you won't feel so fed up.
And don't be a martyr- if you earn a bit of money, put some away for buying a few new clothes - why on earth should you feel guilty?
It's all about a change of attitude- change that and it will seem a lot better -promise!

Barney, you are being too self-sacrificial. If YOU feel dreary etc, it will rub off on the family, including your dh. Spend something on yourself. If someone gives you vouchers, they are for YOU. Never mind that you only work a few hours. You need to start feeling good about yourself. Be selfish - like me !!!

Don't iron! Buy yourself a pretty summer frock! Hang the housework! There are some nice things in the cheaper shops like Primark, charity shops, etc. Treat yourself! Please!

the apostraphe key is not working

something wrong with the (') i think

sorry something has gone wrong with some of the typing there not quite sure what has happened though!

i do feel for you as my routine is the same (i don't drive so have to walk everywhere too which takes ages) and with 4 small ones to walk from school to babygroups back to home then back to school again and then to after school clubs then back home is a nightmare

However i do try and make a small amount of time for myself whether its 10mins in the morning to put make up on or reading a book i do it - but I don't think that having a whole hour of 'me' time every day is possible at the moment, although a nice idea .

But maybe you could start to sort yourself out (in the nicest possible way ) - go through your wardrobe throw out what you don't like wearing, throw out the things you hate seeing yourself in day in day out, and if you get the chance or money buy a new top/skirt/jeans/whatever once a month and slowly start to build a wardrobe that you do like seeing yourself in

We have hardly any spare cash but i do try to do this i look out for clothes that won't necessarily go out of fashion but still look good, or things in cheaper shops/on sale - put a new top in your basket when you do the tesco shop!

Even if you don't see the point do the same with your make up chuck out what you don't like but start wearing the things you do like again just a bit of lippy and mascara in the morning does wonders!!

Its all about your self esteam i'm not a vain person by any means but if you do small things like this to help you feel better about yourself then this will probably have an effect on your home life too if you are happy then it has a knock on effect for the rest of your house - the same happens the other way around though!

You do need to find some time together without the kids. You say you do loads for others - it's time to call in some of those favours - don't be afraid to ask. If you don't ask, people probably think you're an amazing woman who manages to juggle it all - and none of us are Superwoman really. Can you see if someone can babysit for one evening a week or even one evening a fortnight or a month - just to let you and h go out, even if it's just for a walk in the park - or a drink or meal, just to have some time together without interruptions, so you can rediscover each other as a couple, not just parents and housekeepers. My sister used to do this religiously every Friday as she felt she and BIL were growing apart when their kids were little. It really helped.

And do prioritise your housework - a little dust and crumpled clothes never hurt anyone.

You'll find it won't be long - sadly - before your girls are older and don't need or want to hang around you so much - by the time they're in their teens you'll be a taxi service but so will other parents, so you'll finally have evenings to yourself - but until that time, do try to get a sitter - one of your children's friends' parents perhaps? or a neighbour's reliable teenager? You might even find someone on MN.

Barney2 empathy to you. Some good advice on here. hope your are ok. My d/h and i so need to get out more.

Sorry you are feeling awful.- here are a few tips.
it's all about time management and self-esteem.
First- delegate- get the H to do his share- make a list of what needs doing and split it 50/50 or 70/30 - whatever seems fair to you.
Next- priotritise the chores- essentials, not essentials,and plain "do if there is time".
Tackle all the essentials before lunchtime.

Get the kids to tidy up- they are old enough to put their stuff away in their rooms or the toy box- set some rules for them.

Use internet shopping (costs £5 or less) and have one day a week when you don't cook- go out or get a take awy.

Plan an hour of "you time" into every day- do your hair, get some make up on, or go shopping, or read and relax. can you fit in 30 minutes of exercise 3x a week? you'll feel loads better.

Above all, put YOU at the top of the list and stop being taken for granted. If you don't feel you have time to help others, then say so inthe nicest way.

You can have what you want- but you need to organise yourself and raise your expectations.